OK... if you knew somebody via internet for quite some time, talked 4-6 hours a day via phone, IM and email, had so much in common with them you felt like you found yourself... how soon would you marry?
the kicker is... they are military and their orders change in a year. if ya don't marry soon, ya gotta wait 2 more years to be with them... you get to keep your current life until they transfer to their new location (which you get to help choose) and while you continue in your life they will pay your living expenses so you can save your money and build a nest egg of sorts...
you are a single parent... other parent does nothing... they other person is willing to legally adopt your kids, you get all the perks of being a military spouse (IE medical benefits) you're over your head in bills... lonely... and feel like your going nowhere... but above all else... you've fallen in love and everything feels right....

How soon would you marry?

Any advice ?????

As long as you both love each other and feel the same way, there is no time frame on when to marry. I say get that ring on your finger before he gets transferred. Sounds like you found yourself a good one.

No offense as I dont really know you personally and the situation..but i think it may be too fast to get married? I mean...that is a big step and based on what info you have provided....you are'nt living together yet...so what if you get married and then realize that you CANNOT LIVE WITH EACH OTHER!! I mean sure..you love each other over the phone and computer... but living together is a whole new ballgame....just my opinion...GOOD LUCK TO YOU THOUGH!!!

have you atleast met face to face? Besides the married to the military thing is usually hard on the civilian involved. I have seen the military destroy more marraiges than it helped.

If it is something you need to rush in to, for a military marraige it is 10 times more of a red flag than civilian to civilian.

BTW this is from what I have seen of my friends and aquaintances while I have been in the Air Force, the so called "calm" branch of the military.

The main thing to keep in mind is do you care about him and vice versa? or is it a "meal ticket" kinda arrangement, not to be rude but that isn't the healthiest kind of relationship anyway.

Lastly I would just say an old movie cliche line "Look to your heart and you will find the answer"

If any of this doesn't help I apologize but it was all in an attempt to help.

I would not marry anyone until you have met and spent time together to see if the love you feel for each other is the same in person as it is on the net!!!!!!!! Some people meet and the chemistry is not there!!!!!!!!

Regardless of how tempting it might sound...I would meet in person first, get to know each other and go from there at least!!!!!!!! I dont think there is a time line..BUT you want to know and know well the person you are marrying first!!!!!!!!

Living with someone is a totally different situation. Often times, people who live together are at each others throats. You may be compatible, but you should test the water before you jump in. Who knows, you guys might be made for each other.

Good luck to you and your Military man.

I defer to my esttemed friend Native on this topic

It is not a meal ticket... and no offense taken...
when he proposed I knew nothing of what type of benefits were involved. I realize it is sudden. My gut instincts tell me to go ahead with it... and my heart is all for it...

I have been divorced twice... and both times I had an inkling that it was doomed to fail... but I foolishly went ahead anyway.

As for the current... I said I'd never marry... and here, everything i telling me to do it. I know nothing of military life. He is coming to visit for 3 weeks in a month or so... it will be our first face to face meeting.

The problem is... we can't live with each other prior to marriage... he will be stationed out of my state and I need court permission to move my kids out of state... the courts won't let me move "cross-country" for a boyfriend... but a military spouse it'd be ok. Also- if not now, we will have to continue long distance until 2010 when his orders change again.

I would wait until after you meet face to face to give him his answer. What may be great online, on the phone, etc, may not be great in person. If you still feel the same after meeting him, GO FOR IT!!
Military life for a spouse is not always fun, it's not always easy and basically, as far as the military is concerned, most of the time, you don't exist. Without his ss#, you can't get into the commisary, etc. I was married to the Air Force, I also married Army. Neither was a picnic, but you do what you gotta do for the one you love.
Good luck and be sure to let us know.

did he also tell you that we deploy for fifteen months at a time now?? or that even if you have kids the military and your mission always comes first? not to scare you but there are also downfalls to being married inteh military. It takes a special bond and a strong relationship to make it threw and thrive. I dont care what anyone says its not something you can make work unitll you have spent serioujs amounts of time working and trying and counseling. Its nothing you can achieve by email im or phone conversations

I am very appreciative of all the feedback. You guys are awesome... no- he didn't tell me about the deployment. I kinda figured that the military and the missions would come before the family. Military was his first commitment... I can't expect him to change that. Just as the kid I already have are my first commitment.
I'm looking at the bigger picture of things... I've never really had anyone who WANTED to be with me, help me... etc... I'm self-made... even from my childhood days... I am aware that this will take a lot of sacrifice. I'm a strong person. I'm not worried about the sacrifices... I know the time we have together will be worthwhile... even if we spend months at a time apart...
I'm just wondering what my life will become if I go through with this... will I be a prisoner or will I be able to hold down a job and do things normally (ie- grocery shop, take the kids to the park, etc...)... It may sound silly... my questions... but I want to know what I should expect.

I feel like you know it might be too good to be true, and that's why you are asking. You know a lot of things that you feel are right. Do you know 20 things that you don't like about this guy, and that you can live with those things? Personally, I would not remarry under these circumstances if I had dependent children. You might be willing to take the chance and hope everything works out, but your kids don't get a choice, and if you have to err, err on the side of your kids.

I've personally been in the same situation ahile ago, he's leaving in a few weeks and wanted to get married, me and my kids to go with him, etc. My thoughts were that he'd be in Iraq while I moved with my kids to somewhere not knowing anyone with a whole new life. Thought about it for some time and ended up deciding if its really true then we'll wait for each other. But thats just me and my opinion.

Good luck in your decision! And fill us in.

Humm well hell who has the right time frame ones should wait Shsssssssssssssssh if ya wnna marry him go for it . Now when I meet my ex we were married less than 2 months after we meet and was married for 11 year. I have known some that dated like 3-4 years got married and hell it fell apart lesss than a yar wo knows.

My opinion is meet him with an open mind and see how that goes! Don't be blind though...think about the children because they are the ones who are going to pay the most!
I heard being married to a military man is the hardest thing because you have to move all the time. Plus if he goes to Iraq, he is going to be gone for awhile.
If you pray a lot, I know I do....maybe thats what you really need to do?? Really pray a lot and turn all of your life over to God and ask for a sign...he will show you the way!!!
Good luck and God bless!
Unsure

Yeah, sometimes things just happen to turn out right, but when you have kids, I think you lose the option to take a chance. I am going to be really harda$$ about this: When you have kids, your top priority is those kids, not finding a guy to marry, and not taking a chance as big as this.

My opinion...always expect the unexpected!!..that's to say, that everything might sound so profoundly exciting, and overwhelming right now...but I just don't believe in planning anything, other than a meeting over the net..let alone a marriage to someone you've never came face to face with!! My advice is that your childrens' welfare come first. Sometimes, we as parents, have to sacrifice what we think might make ourselves happy...in order to insure our kids' happiness. Personally speaking, I hope you're not considering this drastic move out of desperation...but only you know your heart. Talking and getting attached over the net and phone is one thing...but meeting face to face and getting to know each other..one on one...over time..is the most logical way of establishing a relationship...that might eventually lead to marriage...but that's just my opinion! Anyway...best of luck to you...whatever you decide to do! Keep us posted!

You guys have all been an amazing help.
For those worried:
My children will always be number 1 to me... no matter if the guy is across the ocean or across the street.
My thoughts are "Why is he so insistent on doing this so soon?"... And desperation- NO... I'm extremely picky about who I will and will not date.
I never wanted to remarry until he came along... and I've had a few offers... something in me is telling me that as crazy as this all sounds, he's the one. I will most definitely meet him first.

I understand the lifestyle might be challenging... but every day of my life has been a challenge... and well, at least with this challenge, there will be someone there to go through it with me.

I realize no one is perfect. I know there are trials and tribulations to everything in life. People have flaws. It's what makes us human. Rest assured I won't leap without looking.

Sadly, I'd have discussed this issue with my parents and/or family... except, it would've ended with them calling me an idiot and not listening to anything I had to say. I figured maybe some objective opinions might clarify things a little more for me.

You have all helped a great deal. I will let you know when/if anything happens...
THANKS!

OM MY GOD....did some body say the "M" word.......

covering my ears.....





heartout whats your hurry it's not a race????