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| Topic: Standards too high? | |
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Edited by
Rasmus916
on
Sat 08/11/12 02:59 AM
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I was talking to a buddy of mine. He was noticing that while we were out and about, I had received a few green lights from a few various females. He then asked me why I had completely ignored these green lights yet he knew I was actively trying to go out there and find that female who is just right for me.
My response was simple, I had learned from my past relationships and experiences and had watched and noticed these females before they had noticed me. The first, you could tell by her facial expressions that she got agitated really easy and was quite literally moments from losing her temper. I was in a relationship with a very angry woman for a very long time, I will never do that one again. This happened with various different reasons for a total of 3 women, the problem was they all had various issues that I just simply cannot get myself to deal with anymore. The second smelled REALLY bad because she was as high as a kite and I was sick to my stomach. (12 years clean, I cannot stand the smell of weed nowadays, I honestly do not think I can be with someone where I cannot stand the smell of them every time they try to get a fix) The last one was for lack of better term, too "hood" for my taste. I was raised in a rough side of town myself, please do not get me wrong. Hell, I even hang out with many people who can be very "hood." I just personally am not like that anymore and refuse to go back into that lifestyle. My question is simple, does this make my standards too high or am I doing the right thing by sticking to my guns? Yes we all want a date here and there usually, but I just cannot see myself going out on a date or starting a relationship with someone who is reminding me of my past that I have moved on from ya know? EDIT: Fixed spelling and grammar errors. |
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Stick to your guns, you shouldn't compromise your ideals of what you seek in a partner just for the sake of having one.
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OP, there's nothing wrong with wanting a better life for yourself. I choose not to bother with the druggies of my neighbourhood, because they simply bully people, and attention seek non-stop. It actually sounds over-the-top when they laugh at whatever. Why would I want to degrade my life? I don't. If I want what's best for me, I'll just carry on being me. I have no interest in drama. Good for you and good luck. You only have one life. I understand wanting the best for your future.
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OP, if these are your only three choices, I would go with the ones that make faces of disgust or anger or dismay. They are the ones that still seem to be able to experience human emotions. Okay, not the best kinds of emotions, but they are emotions nevertheless.
I, myself, have dated three picture magazines and seven "Swank" issues, before I got me to accept that I will be forever alone from here on. That's actually an option, believe it or not. The ladies with the puckered faces may be your best bet because they might be too selective for the crowd they move in, and perhaps they will be happy with you and not make those faces any more. Or at least not in your company. |
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you can't 'start a fire without a spark', connection and chemistry
are key. you know when it's there, you know when it's missing. i don't see this as a standards, more, enlightenment :) |
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Why start something up if there are early "warning signs" that it probably won't be a good "match?" (Or "fit?")...I think you're smart to consider so many factors before asking women out.
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Kinda depends.....
If you actually want to get laid...lower your standards. If you are holding out for a flawless partner....you got a long wait ahead. I ain't saying that you don't know what is right for you..cause only you know that. "Fixes" are heroin, or meth or intraveinous cocaine......pot isn't even in the same catagory.....you are the one with "issuses" on that one. To the main topic... You are holding completely unsuspecting chicks to the standards of your past that they got no control over....that sucks man. Do you want them comparing you to thier exes? I personally don't play that game. When I tell a woman..."I ain't "Him"....I move the hell on....cause I ain't gonna waste my time trying to not be someone else just cause someone won't let go of thier failures. |
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I was talking to a buddy of mine. He was noticing that while we were out and about, I had received a few green lights from a few various females. He then asked me why I had completely ignored these green lights yet he knew I was actively trying to go out there and find that female who is just right for me. My response was simple, I had learned from my past relationships and experiences and had watched and noticed these females before they had noticed me. The first, you could tell by her facial expressions that she got agitated really easy and was quite literally moments from losing her temper. I was in a relationship with a very angry woman for a very long time, I will never do that one again. This happened with various different reasons for a total of 3 women, the problem was they all had various issues that I just simply cannot get myself to deal with anymore. The second smelled REALLY bad because she was as high as a kite and I was sick to my stomach. (12 years clean, I cannot stand the smell of weed nowadays, I honestly do not think I can be with someone where I cannot stand the smell of them every time they try to get a fix) The last one was for lack of better term, too "hood" for my taste. I was raised in a rough side of town myself, please do not get me wrong. Hell, I even hang out with many people who can be very "hood." I just personally am not like that anymore and refuse to go back into that lifestyle. My question is simple, does this make my standards too high or am I doing the right thing by sticking to my guns? Yes we all want a date here and there usually, but I just cannot see myself going out on a date or starting a relationship with someone who is reminding me of my past that I have moved on from ya know? EDIT: Fixed spelling and grammar errors. the one who was high , would be a turn off and the one being 'hood' as to the one being angry, Im not sure. If you had seen her several times and that was her behavior,,Id agree but if it was just one time, I wouldnt be so positive she wasnt just having a bad day,, we all have them sometimes |
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Don't settle for something less than you want. If you set high standards and reach your goal, nothing feels better. If you lower the standards, is success even success? If I can run a three minute mile and I enter a race, should I try to achieve the finish line in under five minutes? What sense would that make? Why not shoot for two and a half minutes? I might fail but I'm apt to run faster, not just halfa$$ it to the finish line.
I think it's the same in life, in relationships. Give it your best, all the time, and aim high. Better to fall short of something great having made a grand effort than to succeed at something mediocre. We might not have all the time in the world, but why waste what little time we have experiencing things we've already experienced, especially if they had negative consequences on our life back when? If you know what you DON'T want, it sure makes figuring out what you do want easier. Getting that SHOULD be a challenge or it's probably not worth having... Good luck in your quest. 
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I've been told the same thing lately, I'm too picky. How in the HELL can I be picky when no one is showing interest whatsoever towards me? I don't get that part. Stick with what you want dude, that's the only way to go.
PS - Nice guitar |
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I admire ya because you (a) learned from past mistakes what type of woman doesn't fit well with you, and (b) you are looking for more than just some pootie tang. I have a cousin who dates loser guys, and yet she had this dude who was so good to her and her kids and couldn't stand being with him. It's like she enjoys being with men who treat her bad. Which I don't get because why would you want to continuously be with someone who treats you bad?
Anyways, stick to your guns man and wait for that awesome chick. |
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I will simply say the same thing I tell the guys at work..."Lower your standards"
It will improve your success rate...thereby building confidence....confidence = sexy = higher score ratios which only boots kavorka (Polish for "magnetism") I have known plenty of dudes with thier "ideals"....skinny, gorgeous, does all the cooking and cleaning....never once have I seen any of them get what they want. I dropped my standards (I used to be a slut) and then stumbled into someone who is better than any expectation I ever had. What guys and gals think they want is completly overrated. It is like walking into a massive buffet thinking that you only want a hamburger with fries.....a closed mind can only limit you when life has more to offer than what any of us can imagine. Throw aside those "standards" brother......they limit you. |
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I will simply say the same thing I tell the guys at work..."Lower your standards" It will improve your success rate...thereby building confidence....confidence = sexy = higher score ratios which only boots kavorka (Polish for "magnetism") I have known plenty of dudes with thier "ideals"....skinny, gorgeous, does all the cooking and cleaning....never once have I seen any of them get what they want. I dropped my standards (I used to be a slut) and then stumbled into someone who is better than any expectation I ever had. What guys and gals think they want is completly overrated. It is like walking into a massive buffet thinking that you only want a hamburger with fries.....a closed mind can only limit you when life has more to offer than what any of us can imagine. Throw aside those "standards" brother......they limit you. Lowering my standards would turn out to be women like my 2 ex-wives, not a good match. |
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You sure about that?
Cause if you are comparing every woman to your past....you are holding every chick to a knife edge. Do you expect them to judge you next to thier ex'es? or do you want to be judged for the man you are? |
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I will simply say the same thing I tell the guys at work..."Lower your standards" It will improve your success rate...thereby building confidence....confidence = sexy = higher score ratios which only boots kavorka (Polish for "magnetism") I have known plenty of dudes with thier "ideals"....skinny, gorgeous, does all the cooking and cleaning....never once have I seen any of them get what they want. I dropped my standards (I used to be a slut) and then stumbled into someone who is better than any expectation I ever had. What guys and gals think they want is completly overrated. It is like walking into a massive buffet thinking that you only want a hamburger with fries.....a closed mind can only limit you when life has more to offer than what any of us can imagine. Throw aside those "standards" brother......they limit you. If you go into things with no expectations, standards(so to speak), or anything like that, you'd be surprised what could happen. Usually for the better too. Dzien dobry Krupa! |
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You sure about that? Cause if you are comparing every woman to your past....you are holding every chick to a knife edge. Do you expect them to judge you next to thier ex'es? or do you want to be judged for the man you are? First, you're a damn cool dude and have utmost respect for ya. Now, since I've been divorced, I've "been" with one person. She was great, awesome, all that. Everyone since her...SCREAMS ex-wives. And I'm not talking one or two women, I'm talking over 10, and no, I wasn't with them nor did I give them a chance, no way in hell. Two, expect them to judge me to their ex's? Sure they do, I've been told that to my face. I get judged for waaaay more than just their ex's. I just judged on pretty much everything there is about me, therefore, I don't give a damn really. The man I am, I'm me. They either take it or leave it, simple as that. |
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And one more thing, I'm disabled, so that right there, off the bat! I get bashed for. Yes, I really DO get bashed for it. So that right there tells me they aren't worth my time or energy. I have standards, and if they are going to even the slightest bash me or talk down to me or if they have red flags written on their face, no, I will not give them a chance whatsoever.
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Good enough for me brother.
Ya got a good head on your shoulders and I completely understand what it is to feel snake bit. Hard to get past the past. Took me years. I think you will do good my man. I was just winging that stuff out there for those who can't see past what is in arms reach. (there are alot of those people out there) |
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You sure about that? Cause if you are comparing every woman to your past....you are holding every chick to a knife edge. Do you expect them to judge you next to thier ex'es? or do you want to be judged for the man you are? First, you're a damn cool dude and have utmost respect for ya. Now, since I've been divorced, I've "been" with one person. She was great, awesome, all that. Everyone since her...SCREAMS ex-wives. And I'm not talking one or two women, I'm talking over 10, and no, I wasn't with them nor did I give them a chance, no way in hell. Two, expect them to judge me to their ex's? Sure they do, I've been told that to my face. I get judged for waaaay more than just their ex's. I just judged on pretty much everything there is about me, therefore, I don't give a damn really. The man I am, I'm me. They either take it or leave it, simple as that. Do you ever think that maybe you're seeing things that aren't there? "cause of what happened to you in the past? You also keep saying you're judged because you're disabled, yet I've seen people talk to you on here, and it seems to bother you more then it does them. But that's just a thought, no harm meant. 
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Good enough for me brother. Ya got a good head on your shoulders and I completely understand what it is to feel snake bit. Hard to get past the past. Took me years. I think you will do good my man. I was just winging that stuff out there for those who can't see past what is in arms reach. (there are alot of those people out there)
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