Community > Dating & Relationships

Topic: Fear of Intimacy
misswright Joined Fri 10/26/07 Posts: 1893	Thu 08/02/12 01:00 AM
Ha! I fit into that category and I dare say I don't fear intimacy. I just need a reason to have it! I certainly don't look for reasons NOT to have it, but I'd rather go without for years than compromise the standards I have that would allow it. I also think sex and intimacy are two different things. You can certainly have one without the other.

blueeyes2000 Joined Thu 11/08/07 Posts: 1517	Thu 08/02/12 03:28 AM
I suppose the opposite could also be true. Women who are so desperate for intimacy that they'll have sex with anyone. Like men who are the same? Now that's a cycle,lol

navygirl Joined Sat 06/02/07 Posts: 8118	Thu 08/02/12 08:51 AM
In one of the (fictional) books that I read over the weekend, there was this bit in one that the author referred to as the fear of intimacy (sex). Simply put, women of a certain age (over 40’s) that have been single (i.e. not had sex) for two years or more develop this fear of intimacy. The longer they go without sex get, the more they look for reasons (valid or invalid) not to have sex and ergo the circle begins...woman meets man, man not quite right for whatever reason, equals no sex. Agree or disagree regardless of gender. Just to note, this is not based on any scientific data, just an observation by the author and my interpretation of what I read. I guess it would depend on the individual. I have been single all my life and don't remember the last time I had sex. I have no fear of having sex and I am well over 50. My only fear would be of catching some sort of sexual disease.

TBRich Joined Fri 11/07/08 Posts: 8232	Thu 08/02/12 09:35 AM
I am pushing 50 and in my experience- a small % of 40 yr olds are interested in the porno sex in every room stuff, the majority are willing but have even more baggage and last minute resistance you have to work through and then there are the ones who appear to fear intimacy. I must admit to being a bad boy and responding to all the 20-somethings who message me. A lot less work. I like the honesty in this, and I must say that I don't blame you for leaning toward the 'lot less work'...there is more space to fill the sweet little mind of some young thang ;). But do please take into consideration that the sweet young mind you mess with today, will eventually become the 40 something carrying baggage of tomorrow. Think about that one. I have made some bad choices along the way, through no fault of anybody else but me. Point being...I enjoy the sensual art of lovemaking with somebody I have a connection with from slow, passionate, mutually gratifying foreplay....right through to the wild animalistic lust...as opposed to 'just sex' for the sake of it. Tis not a difficult choice for me. To the OP...ummm...a man wrote the quote...so go figure. Thank you for appreciating my honesty- honesty seems to scare a lot of people. Yes I agree, that sex is usually better with deeper connection. But if I hear "You know, my ex-husband used to do that!" I am tired of explaining that I am not her ex-husband and she is ruining the chance for me to be so.

Dodo_David Joined Fri 08/13/10 Posts: 48928	Thu 08/02/12 04:36 PM
If I met a man who didn't want sex, I'd have to wonder what's going on in his life to make him not want sex. I would imagine the same would happen if someone met a woman who didn't want sex at all. Has it ever occurred to you that some single adults may be personally opposed to participating in sexual intercourse outside of marriage? I’ve heard of this phenomenon, but it seems to me to be more an excuse that some people use, instead of just telling someone else that they are not interested in sleeping with them, at least, not yet! Apparently you are not accustomed to being around Christians, Jews, Muslims, Mormons or any other person with theistic beliefs. In case you never noticed, there are people in the world who govern their sexual behavior according to a particular set of religious beliefs. What is it about chosen celibacy by single adults of faith that bothers you?

markc48 Joined Wed 05/07/08 Posts: 5536	Thu 08/02/12 07:23 PM
I havent dated a woman over 40. But if she didnt put out I wouldnt stick around.

Kahurangi Joined Thu 04/26/12 Posts: 1970	Thu 08/02/12 07:59 PM
Indeed...I wouldn't give a second glance at a middle aged man chasing women twenty years his junior, so you would never have to worry about finding yourself in that "won't put out" position champ

42BlackBBW Joined Mon 09/12/11 Posts: 3243	Sun 08/05/12 03:44 AM
In one of the (fictional) books that I read over the weekend, there was this bit in one that the author referred to as the fear of intimacy (sex). Simply put, women of a certain age (over 40’s) that have been single (i.e. not had sex) for two years or more develop this fear of intimacy. The longer they go without sex get, the more they look for reasons (valid or invalid) not to have sex and ergo the circle begins...woman meets man, man not quite right for whatever reason, equals no sex. Agree or disagree regardless of gender. Just to note, this is not based on any scientific data, just an observation by the author and my interpretation of what I read. Is there a problem with a single woman over the age of 40 not wanting to have sexual intercourse? No, not if they're not actively looking for someone to date.

42BlackBBW Joined Mon 09/12/11 Posts: 3243	Sun 08/05/12 03:47 AM
I suppose the opposite could also be true. Women who are so desperate for intimacy that they'll have sex with anyone. I know of men and women that fit into this category

Clinjay Joined Fri 05/18/12 Posts: 23	Mon 08/06/12 03:18 PM
Sex is the sweetest thing in this life, so any one that hate sex carried desease or afraid of deadly deseases.

krupa Joined Thu 07/03/08 Posts: 18651	Mon 08/06/12 03:28 PM
Ok...I will say what no one else is saying Darling.... Stop reading books written by some loser who is living in Mama's basement. Your reading material is lacking.... You are more than good enough BabyDoll. You deserve any man you set your mind to. You are a beautiful woman with a lot to offer in a great many ways. The guys who don't see you for you...are morons. Stop taking advice from people who write about it...take your advise from people who are actually living it. The last guy we had write about it is still in prison.

PacificStar48 Joined Tue 10/02/07 Posts: 13764	Mon 08/06/12 04:19 PM
In one of the (fictional) books that I read over the weekend, there was this bit in one that the author referred to as the fear of intimacy (sex). Simply put, women of a certain age (over 40’s) that have been single (i.e. not had sex) for two years or more develop this fear of intimacy. The longer they go without sex get, the more they look for reasons (valid or invalid) not to have sex and ergo the circle begins...woman meets man, man not quite right for whatever reason, equals no sex. Agree or disagree regardless of gender. Just to note, this is not based on any scientific data, just an observation by the author and my interpretation of what I read. My personal opinion is this line of thinking is HOGWASH! Adults make choices in their lives about many things because it is in their best interest not because they have some kind of mental phobia. IMHO The choice to have or not have sex is generally a case by case basis not a sweeping decision that goes by a calender. Not everyone has the consistent personal time, opportunity, health, or financial where with all, or privacy to name only a few of the variables that come into play before or after moral boundries to have a social life that would develope to an intimate relationship. Sometimes focusing on survival of self, or the survival of a love one, makes any and all non-essentials (and sexual intimacy while a positive in many ways) is not required for survival of either sex. If you consider the average 40 to 50 year old man or woman is part of the sandwich generation where they are not only helping raise children AND care for at least one senior family member besides their own chronic health issues and employment it is not fear of anything and just plain fatigue.

navygirl Joined Sat 06/02/07 Posts: 8118	Mon 08/06/12 07:39 PM
Indeed...I wouldn't give a second glance at a middle aged man chasing women twenty years his junior, so you would never have to worry about finding yourself in that "won't put out" position champ Well put.

twizted80 Joined Sun 08/05/12 Posts: 1	Thu 08/09/12 01:57 PM
I have went without for so long I just want it more

42BlackBBW Joined Mon 09/12/11 Posts: 3243	Fri 08/17/12 01:06 PM
Ok...I will say what no one else is saying Darling.... Stop reading books written by some loser who is living in Mama's basement. Your reading material is lacking.... You are more than good enough BabyDoll. You deserve any man you set your mind to. You are a beautiful woman with a lot to offer in a great many ways. The guys who don't see you for you...are morons. Stop taking advice from people who write about it...take your advise from people who are actually living it. The last guy we had write about it is still in prison. My reading material is quite varied and sometimes a little dross slips in there but thank ya mah honey.

42BlackBBW Joined Mon 09/12/11 Posts: 3243	Fri 08/17/12 01:08 PM
In one of the (fictional) books that I read over the weekend, there was this bit in one that the author referred to as the fear of intimacy (sex). Simply put, women of a certain age (over 40’s) that have been single (i.e. not had sex) for two years or more develop this fear of intimacy. The longer they go without sex get, the more they look for reasons (valid or invalid) not to have sex and ergo the circle begins...woman meets man, man not quite right for whatever reason, equals no sex. Agree or disagree regardless of gender. Just to note, this is not based on any scientific data, just an observation by the author and my interpretation of what I read. My personal opinion is this line of thinking is HOGWASH! Adults make choices in their lives about many things because it is in their best interest not because they have some kind of mental phobia. IMHO The choice to have or not have sex is generally a case by case basis not a sweeping decision that goes by a calender. Not everyone has the consistent personal time, opportunity, health, or financial where with all, or privacy to name only a few of the variables that come into play before or after moral boundries to have a social life that would develope to an intimate relationship. Sometimes focusing on survival of self, or the survival of a love one, makes any and all non-essentials (and sexual intimacy while a positive in many ways) is not required for survival of either sex. If you consider the average 40 to 50 year old man or woman is part of the sandwich generation where they are not only helping raise children AND care for at least one senior family member besides their own chronic health issues and employment it is not fear of anything and just plain fatigue. Wow..that's pretty deep and insightful...definitely food for thought.

42BlackBBW Joined Mon 09/12/11 Posts: 3243	Fri 08/17/12 01:08 PM
In one of the (fictional) books that I read over the weekend, there was this bit in one that the author referred to as the fear of intimacy (sex). Simply put, women of a certain age (over 40’s) that have been single (i.e. not had sex) for two years or more develop this fear of intimacy. The longer they go without sex get, the more they look for reasons (valid or invalid) not to have sex and ergo the circle begins...woman meets man, man not quite right for whatever reason, equals no sex. Agree or disagree regardless of gender. Just to note, this is not based on any scientific data, just an observation by the author and my interpretation of what I read. My personal opinion is this line of thinking is HOGWASH! Adults make choices in their lives about many things because it is in their best interest not because they have some kind of mental phobia. IMHO The choice to have or not have sex is generally a case by case basis not a sweeping decision that goes by a calender. Not everyone has the consistent personal time, opportunity, health, or financial where with all, or privacy to name only a few of the variables that come into play before or after moral boundries to have a social life that would develope to an intimate relationship. Sometimes focusing on survival of self, or the survival of a love one, makes any and all non-essentials (and sexual intimacy while a positive in many ways) is not required for survival of either sex. If you consider the average 40 to 50 year old man or woman is part of the sandwich generation where they are not only helping raise children AND care for at least one senior family member besides their own chronic health issues and employment it is not fear of anything and just plain fatigue. Wow..that's pretty deep and insightful...definitely food for thought.

HeadnHeart Joined Wed 06/02/10 Posts: 1270	Fri 08/17/12 04:43 PM
I'm not feeling it. I love sex. Gets better with age :-) I completely agree, and Im not sure, but I have never had major issues with any women I date. Maybe not quite matching up in every aspect, once we get to know each other well but that's normal in my perspective. I think the ladies, in my age group are awesome and yes I am more picky these days. I love the conversation (without mouth and head full of bubble gum) , their experience, responsible and overall refined. They also know what they want and where they are going by now. I have mostly dated 5 yrs younger or older.

markc48 Joined Wed 05/07/08 Posts: 5536	Fri 08/17/12 08:36 PM
Indeed...I wouldn't give a second glance at a middle aged man chasing women twenty years his junior, so you would never have to worry about finding yourself in that "won't put out" position champ Oh well to each their own. At least I got some today.

Ruth34611 Joined Sat 08/02/08 Posts: 32402	Fri 08/17/12 08:44 PM
Point being...I enjoy the sensual art of lovemaking with somebody I have a connection with from slow, passionate, mutually gratifying foreplay....right through to the wild animalistic lust...as opposed to 'just sex' for the sake of it. Tis not a difficult choice for me. Me neither. And, I'd rather wait for that than settle for just sex.