you are using your "dating" abilities right? I mean, are we looking, consciously or unconsciously for the same type of person we had before?????

If so, why????

I think we need to really look at what we find as attractive or we will be in the same **** relationship we had before....

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD LORD !!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO no
noway uh uh absolutly NOT ! mmmmmmmm I can do MUCH better........yuck ......ew ....pleh........NOPE !

Its strange because when I think about it....it all goes back to the basic family unit......what bothered us then.....seems to be the one person I gravitate to....subconsciously and I kick myself over and over again for doing the same thing even if I say I dont want that.

They can look different, have different jobs etc but in the end there is the "thing" that makes me crazy!!!!

its like unfinished business.....

OR SOME KINDA KARMA FROM A PREVIOUS LIFE !!! noooooooooo
no
no
noooo!!

Oh yeah, I have caught myself doing that before.

I finally figured out that the trick is to be able to separate the idea of attractive or necessary characteristics vs. looking for someone who may be too much like someone we used to be with.

For instance: after dating numerous airheads, I met a girl with an IQ of 160 and was totally enchanted. Now, I'm not saying that anyone I get involved with has to have an IQ of 160 (how many of those are there, anyway?), but I HAVE learned that I'm better off with someone intelligent -- recognizing that the whole concept of intelligence can be a sort of nebulous thing, there being different types of intelligence.

So I'm not actively looking for a clone of the genius girl, but, at the same time, I certainly don't want to end up with someone (like my ex-wife) who was roughly on the same intellectual level as a package of lunchmeat.

And others, before her, had their inherent good and bad characteristics, too. So there's a learning process involved; I'm slowly (VERY slowly, as it turns out) learning what characteristics I would like to have in a partner -- hopefully, without becoming too attached to the idea that any one person will incorporate ALL of the desirables (ain't gonna happen again), and without feeling the need to look solely at those who strongly remind me of specific former girlfriends.

Because every new person is a separate individual and should be treated as such. Unless she's related to my ex-wife, in which case she can go jump in front of a train.

hahahaaaaaaaaaa NOT THE KARMAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

I know what you are saying Lex, but for some odd reason I tend to get the almost same person but in a different body....which makes me tend to believe that there is something missing in my life that I need to address.

Abandonment issues?????

Abandonment issues could come into play here -- BUT then you have to ask yourself why would you keep going back to the type you already know is inclined to abandon?

I have known some people for whom this is actually a defense mechanism, knowing that they are "safe" because the person will not be with them for more than 6 months or a year -- a sort of safety in the idea that "this isn't permananent," the defense mechanism being that they KNOW it's temporary, therefore they (in theory) won't be hurt as much when it ends.

It doesn't always work out that way, though.

With a lot of people, they would rather be with a "bad type" -- the abandoner, the abuser, the mean drunk, whatever -- because it's what they know best, having lived through the same scenario a dozen times before, and that is (sadly) what they feel best equipped to handle. "Better the devil you know," and all that.

Those people are rarely, if ever, inclined to try to get involved with anyone outside their pre-defined scenario. And they generally never find anyone who treats them right, either, because they have become so accustomed to their role in the process that they can't step out of that role anymore.

So, if you keep running into the "almost same person," and that person keeps proving to be no good for you, then you have to ask yourself "what is the appeal of this?" Because maybe it's based on nothing other than inertia and familiarity and a sort of self-sabotage, in which case you might want to think about other options!

I think you could be right on the self sabotage theory.....subconsciously.... but consciously I am looking for someone who will be good for me.

Evaluating all of your relationships sometimes is a very good thing but ultimately you have to put your thought patterns into action.

{{{Gypsy}}}

I know what you mean. I seem to find people that are 'distant.' My habit of past relationships that I am trying to break is jumping in to everything too soon. Meet someone, instant connection, immediate everything. Then you find out the real person and the spark fizzles. I am trying to take it slow, just get out there, and see what happens.

Just looking for a girl that won't steal all my stuff

You met her too, huh Mike?

I met her and there is more than one of them out there...Going to find me a church going girl this time, Maybe?

Its true. There is a new cult not far from my house...Should be alot of nice girls there

Just don't drink the Kool Aide...

and sometimes I look to the past.....just to see if anyone will notice