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| Topic: The Downside of Being Alone | |
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So, yesterday my new book was published. My eighth one. Kind of a big deal for me, because it's the last book in a sci-fi series I've been doing since 2008. And I was sitting here yesterday, just thumbing through the proof copy, basking a little in the feeling of "I did this" whenever one of my books comes out, and I realized something a little disconcerting. There was no one to share it with. When my first one came out, in 2008, I was in a relationship with someone I truly loved -- someone I still truly love, and probably always will. The only girlfriend I ever had who actually "got it." She was (and is) so much more intelligent than I'll ever be, so much more creative -- she did the covers and all of the page formatting on the first two books -- and it meant a lot to me that, not only did she help me achieve a dream, but she was also the model for the main female character in the book. To this day, I still haven't got a clue about why that relationship ended. But that's not really the point. The point is that, yesterday, I realized there was no one I could go to, no one I could call, no one I could mention my book to. Sure, I posted some stuff on Facebook, but that's not the same as talking to a real person, that's not the same as sharing a moment with someone in real life. And I thought about that for awhile, and I realized that I had made a lot of bad choices in the past, bad choices about who to get mixed up with and who not to get mixed up with, and I saw some of my old mistakes (both ways) a lot more clearly. And now I have to figure out if this is something I want to address or not. Part of me says "Yes, you want someone in your life," and the other part says, "You know what happens when you start getting close to somebody." Dilemmas are never simple. That's why they call them dilemmas. I understand completely Lex. My ex husband was my very best friend. He was the only one with a broader base of knowledge than me on most subjects. We have a million inside jokes. We will always love each other but we got married too young and our interests went in different directions. We were often told that we were love incarnate, etc. When you see us together, you would assume by the way we banter we are still married. But as he says no one can talk me down from a tree faster or drive me up one quicker. We squabble like Marcia and Jan Brady. I put him through college and he put me through college. People think it's odd that he encourages me to take things very slow with boyfriends and that he would rather pay me alimony the rest of my life than see me in a bad relationship. But I built his empire. I was the wizard behind the curtain. I was the one who magically refilled the sock and underwear drawers, etc. and all but knew the SKUs on his favorite clothes. Now that he is successful he trusts very few women not to be after his money but I was there when he was a guy just barely graduated with a 4 year degree, driving a beater car and living with his parents so he trusts me and loves me. Just sometimes no matter how much love there is, you can't live under the same roof. I often when I accomplish something feel lonely that when I reach the top of something and look down for him, he is not there saying "Good job, honey". At least you can still write. I write nothing but bitter poetry since the divorce. I do not even try to get published. The thing is, though, you have moved on -- at least insofar as allowing yourself to enter into new relationships. Not to say that any given one will "work out" in the long run -- I'm not even addressing that issue, just the issue of being able to make the attempt. You've made progress. I'm not in a position to go there yet. Not really Lex. I shoot down every guy inferior to Clark Kent as my best friend, Val, says. Ya, I go out but am I really available for "love" not really. I mean my ex is has degrees in math and computer science with a minor in philosophy, an avid comic book collector, knows everything about rock music, knows about every joke on the planet, loves csrtoons and comics as much as I do, knows every Monty Python song by heart, loves Douglas Adams like me, loves the same shows like Dr. Who, etc. as me, has five gazillion inside jokes with me, has a sexy voice, is good looking with amazing blue eyes and a butt chin and is in incredible shape from being a runner, rarely denied me anything, was one of the few men who recognized I have a brain, etc. etc. etc. Ya I might date somebody but those are like a size 15 pair of shoes to fill if someone ever really wanted to land me. I know some people are going, "Why did you leave him?" All I can really say to that is "He was an engineer. Nuff said". |
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Edited by
Unknow
on
Sat 03/17/12 12:08 PM
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You have chosen your niche brother. It will continue to be what you make it..... eventually, Lex you will see the common denominator. I wish I could take you out on the town but....that will have to wait a bit.  Ima goina cut to the chase............for someone that goes on and on how smart he is you really are stupid,life is what you make it, everyone really is quite nice to you on advice though every month you have the same old rant so it's really up to you,you can constantly whine and bemoan the fact that you are alone or do something about it, take a chance I'm sure there's someone out there that is up to your standards. |
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You have chosen your niche brother. It will continue to be what you make it..... eventually, Lex you will see the common denominator. I wish I could take you out on the town but....that will have to wait a bit. Ima goina cut to the chase............for someone that goes on and on how smart he is you really are stupid,life is what you make it, everyone really is quite nice to you on advice though every month you have the same old rant so it's really up to you,you can constantly whine and bemoan the fact that you are alone or do something about it, take a chance I'm sure there's someone out there that is up to your standards. I'm sorry, I was operating under the assumption that the forums were for people to discuss the thoughts and events and problems of their lives in a helpful and civilized manner, in an attempt to resolve issues, clear up confusion, and possibly make some progress in their day-to-day lives. Apparently, I'm wrong, and they're actually intended for people to insult and disparage other members. Silly me. |
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You have chosen your niche brother. It will continue to be what you make it..... eventually, Lex you will see the common denominator. I wish I could take you out on the town but....that will have to wait a bit. Ima goina cut to the chase............for someone that goes on and on how smart he is you really are stupid,life is what you make it, everyone really is quite nice to you on advice though every month you have the same old rant so it's really up to you,you can constantly whine and bemoan the fact that you are alone or do something about it, take a chance I'm sure there's someone out there that is up to your standards. I'm sorry, I was operating under the assumption that the forums were for people to discuss the thoughts and events and problems of their lives in a helpful and civilized manner, in an attempt to resolve issues, clear up confusion, and possibly make some progress in their day-to-day lives. Apparently, I'm wrong, and they're actually intended for people to insult and disparage other members. Silly me. Lex, What is the first thing you taught me when we became friends? "Ignore the haters". So I give you the same advice you gave me "Ignore the haters". I don't mean to sound like your mother but there will always be azzholes to you. You are extremely intelligent beyond what many are capable of understanding what you are trying to say (and no I don't think you should try to dumb it down), I think they take your dry and sometimes sarcastic wit as being insensitive when anyone who knows you knows you are a very kind hearted person. And you are a very successful author and there are those who will be haters just based on the fact that you are successful. And of course, there are those who are pizzy because you have standards they fall short of and though you do not point it out ever, they feel inferior. Keep being who you are Lex. Those of us who care about you are still here for you. |
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Edited by
Unknow
on
Sat 03/17/12 02:26 PM
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not a hater just giving my opinion, sorry if it's not what you want to hear but that's what I thought what posting was for different opinions and advice, some are able to take it and some are not. And how about your vicious, mean side? You go on here talking about how ONLY women with children, or want children or write a message that's not up to par boy, that must make them feel good knowing that you make fun of them in the forums at least they made an effort, that's more than some make.
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And how about your vicious, mean side? Um? This is Lex we're talking about? I'm going to have to take some time and go over a few hundred of his posts trying to find a vicious, mean side. Give me a few days. . . or weeks. If Lex says he's frustrated about women who have manipulated him or been dishonest with him, he has always made it extremely clear that he is only talking about what he has experienced, and doesn't assume that every single woman is like that. Regardless, I just can't put "mean" into my conception of Lex. |
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And how about your vicious, mean side? Um? This is Lex we're talking about? I'm going to have to take some time and go over a few hundred of his posts trying to find a vicious, mean side. Give me a few days. . . or weeks. If Lex says he's frustrated about women who have manipulated him or been dishonest with him, he has always made it extremely clear that he is only talking about what he has experienced, and doesn't assume that every single woman is like that. Regardless, I just can't put "mean" into my conception of Lex. I think people see what they want to see, and hear what they want to hear. There are a few who seem to have a need to project some of their own personalities onto me, even though the projection is wildly inaccurate. I would defy anyone to find a post where I have characterized any specific person on Mingle2 as "stupid." I wouldn't do it -- it violates forum rules, and it's detrimental to the whole concept of rational discourse. If you ever see me criticize anyone, it will be in the context of generalities -- people who can't spell, people who try to trick me into having kids, people who think broccoli isn't toxic, people who write drivel in their profiles about "Prince Charming" and about how "laid back and easy going" they are. But I don't name names. That's against the rules of the site. End of. |
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YEOWWWW! you guys are really trying to rip me a new one but that's ok I can take it. I confess I'll never be a member of the sugartitty club I say what I mean and mean what I say............end of story
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Wow LEX COngratulations, that is really awesome and quite an accomplishment. You should be very proud of yourself for being so productive.
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I dunno, it seems to me that you're taking things personally that were never ever directed at you. I have nothing at all against you, am not mad at you, and am not trying to rip you or anyone. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Once in a while I see a post from someone who doesn't seem to be doing that, and I try to right the balance. That's all. If you read my post again, I think you'll see that I had nothing negative to say about you. I was talking about my perception of Lex. If yours is different, you're certainly entitled to it, but I just don't see it.
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Congrats Lex!
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Congrats Lex! Thank you! Eight books is an accomplishment, although the actual number is rather arbitrary. 
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Congrats on the book.
ya that feeling is despairing. like the last ray of light extinguished and the doors of the shadow relm take a duce on you. i restore cars here an there i build sterio systems and yet at the end of the day sitting in my dark apartment i ask my self was today really worth it ? |
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Congrats on the book. ya that feeling is despairing. like the last ray of light extinguished and the doors of the shadow relm take a duce on you. i restore cars here an there i build sterio systems and yet at the end of the day sitting in my dark apartment i ask my self was today really worth it ? But from an existential standpoint, one can ask if any of this is really worth it, in the end, regardless....? I try not to spend too much time on that direction of thinking -- for me, it's more about the creative impulse. I like the idea of having an outlet. If other people enjoy what I do, that's just a bonus. From a more human standpoint, I still think it would be nice to have someone to share it with. Someone I could bounce ideas off of, someone who had enough creativity of her own to offer me some constructive advice and opinions, and I could do the same for her. I had someone like that for awhile, and she was amazing. But I just don't think there's anyone else like that out there. |
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Congratulations on the book!
I agree with the others who say you should let people here know when a book is being released. You say you have friends here, so why not tell them what's going on? And you don't have to be in a relationship to be able to share the good things in your life with people. Pick up the phone and call a friend. If you don't think you have anyone in your life like that, maybe it's time to think about putting yourself into situations where you may meet people you can become good friends with. If you don't put yourself out there, people won't be able to get to know you. |
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Congratulations on the book! Thank you! I agree with the others who say you should let people here know when a book is being released. You say you have friends here, so why not tell them what's going on? I try to mention it in passing, here and there, without making a full-fledged infomercial out of it. I've seen some people advertising things/events/etc., on here in ways which just come across as desperate and tacky. I'd rather avoid all that, if possible! And you don't have to be in a relationship to be able to share the good things in your life with people. Pick up the phone and call a friend. If you don't think you have anyone in your life like that, maybe it's time to think about putting yourself into situations where you may meet people you can become good friends with. If you don't put yourself out there, people won't be able to get to know you. I've actually been trying to do exactly that for the past three years -- with zero results. Where I'm living just seems to be a bad venue to try to get to know people. |
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ya we all have our creative impulse. mine is cars and metal. it seems to me my area is hard to find good people too. bar women look like fun but i go there to drink not scocalise lol. |
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Congratulations on the book! Thank you! I agree with the others who say you should let people here know when a book is being released. You say you have friends here, so why not tell them what's going on? I try to mention it in passing, here and there, without making a full-fledged infomercial out of it. I've seen some people advertising things/events/etc., on here in ways which just come across as desperate and tacky. I'd rather avoid all that, if possible! And you don't have to be in a relationship to be able to share the good things in your life with people. Pick up the phone and call a friend. If you don't think you have anyone in your life like that, maybe it's time to think about putting yourself into situations where you may meet people you can become good friends with. If you don't put yourself out there, people won't be able to get to know you. I've actually been trying to do exactly that for the past three years -- with zero results. Where I'm living just seems to be a bad venue to try to get to know people. Lex I am a walking billboard. You have to sell yourself without shame. You have a gift, a talent. I went into Barnes n nobles today and don't think I didn't mention my book a hundred times walking around in there and I searched my book on their computer and left it on the screen for people to see. You're book is as strong as your sales. Don't be she, be proud, you deserve it! |
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ya we all have our creative impulse. mine is cars and metal. it seems to me my area is hard to find good people too. bar women look like fun but i go there to drink not scocalise lol. Wow! So if a gal sashayed on over to flirt with you, at a bar, you would say somethin like: "Dammit woman, Im havin some beer time. Whats the matter with you? Man cant come into a bar and get a drink in peace." Refreshing! no i would say pull up a seat and buy her a beer an chat for a bit, really depends on my mood. i have a hard time wording things. im a loner from drifting to much, i can say that 60% of the bar gals here are swanks, different guy every night. |
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So, yesterday my new book was published. My eighth one. Kind of a big deal for me, because it's the last book in a sci-fi series I've been doing since 2008. And I was sitting here yesterday, just thumbing through the proof copy, basking a little in the feeling of "I did this" whenever one of my books comes out, and I realized something a little disconcerting. There was no one to share it with. When my first one came out, in 2008, I was in a relationship with someone I truly loved -- someone I still truly love, and probably always will. The only girlfriend I ever had who actually "got it." She was (and is) so much more intelligent than I'll ever be, so much more creative -- she did the covers and all of the page formatting on the first two books -- and it meant a lot to me that, not only did she help me achieve a dream, but she was also the model for the main female character in the book. To this day, I still haven't got a clue about why that relationship ended. But that's not really the point. The point is that, yesterday, I realized there was no one I could go to, no one I could call, no one I could mention my book to. Sure, I posted some stuff on Facebook, but that's not the same as talking to a real person, that's not the same as sharing a moment with someone in real life. And I thought about that for awhile, and I realized that I had made a lot of bad choices in the past, bad choices about who to get mixed up with and who not to get mixed up with, and I saw some of my old mistakes (both ways) a lot more clearly. And now I have to figure out if this is something I want to address or not. Part of me says "Yes, you want someone in your life," and the other part says, "You know what happens when you start getting close to somebody." Dilemmas are never simple. That's why they call them dilemmas. I understand completely Lex. My ex husband was my very best friend. He was the only one with a broader base of knowledge than me on most subjects. We have a million inside jokes. We will always love each other but we got married too young and our interests went in different directions. We were often told that we were love incarnate, etc. When you see us together, you would assume by the way we banter we are still married. But as he says no one can talk me down from a tree faster or drive me up one quicker. We squabble like Marcia and Jan Brady. I put him through college and he put me through college. People think it's odd that he encourages me to take things very slow with boyfriends and that he would rather pay me alimony the rest of my life than see me in a bad relationship. But I built his empire. I was the wizard behind the curtain. I was the one who magically refilled the sock and underwear drawers, etc. and all but knew the SKUs on his favorite clothes. Now that he is successful he trusts very few women not to be after his money but I was there when he was a guy just barely graduated with a 4 year degree, driving a beater car and living with his parents so he trusts me and loves me. Just sometimes no matter how much love there is, you can't live under the same roof. I often when I accomplish something feel lonely that when I reach the top of something and look down for him, he is not there saying "Good job, honey". At least you can still write. I write nothing but bitter poetry since the divorce. I do not even try to get published. The thing is, though, you have moved on -- at least insofar as allowing yourself to enter into new relationships. Not to say that any given one will "work out" in the long run -- I'm not even addressing that issue, just the issue of being able to make the attempt. You've made progress. I'm not in a position to go there yet. Not really Lex. I shoot down every guy inferior to Clark Kent as my best friend, Val, says. Ya, I go out but am I really available for "love" not really. I mean my ex is has degrees in math and computer science with a minor in philosophy, an avid comic book collector, knows everything about rock music, knows about every joke on the planet, loves csrtoons and comics as much as I do, knows every Monty Python song by heart, loves Douglas Adams like me, loves the same shows like Dr. Who, etc. as me, has five gazillion inside jokes with me, has a sexy voice, is good looking with amazing blue eyes and a butt chin and is in incredible shape from being a runner, rarely denied me anything, was one of the few men who recognized I have a brain, etc. etc. etc. Ya I might date somebody but those are like a size 15 pair of shoes to fill if someone ever really wanted to land me. I know some people are going, "Why did you leave him?" All I can really say to that is "He was an engineer. Nuff said". lmao! 
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