Well.......

I'm glad we figgered that out!!!!!

I did have misgivings bringing up the topic....

I didn't think anyone would relate as it is a bit dark and depressing.

Its a good post M

everyone who is alone has had this feeling once or twice.
Like any other topic......we discuss.
I never noticed any pity party goin on.
Some truth, some humor......
anyone who claims they never wondered this about themselves being alone.......
Is in denial!!!
JMO

you just keep posting!!!!

DUDE........

The only party I'm throwing right now is a Fugees marathon. I MISS Wyclef Jean and Lauryn Hill.

It can be dark and depressing.

Reality is sometimes dark and depressing.

Doesn't mean we shouldn't have the opportunity to discuss it.

I guess I just look for and try to surround myself with people who are happy with themselves and their lives. Of course everyone is going to have off days/times and be down about something, which is fine. But, if someone has given up on finding someone and is really down about it all the time, they're probably not someone I'm going to get involved with.

^^^^this. I would think we've all been in a place like this sometime in our lives. People handle it in different ways. I think talking about it (or in this case, typing it) helps, along with advice, jokes and feedback

LOL Oh boy...

@ Lex

What I find particularly dark is the forever part. Life is not forever like Bianca said. We're not going to feel so down all the time (least me). Maybe its more deeper rooted in something else. This is the natural course of things. I feel like we all have some sort of destiny in each of us to live out. Its not written out in some book.

Yes, and the problem I seem to have with this is that most people are completely stuck on the idea that we're all supposed to live the same sort of life the same sort of way.

I am constantly being told "I can't believe you're still single!" -- when, in order for me not to be single, I'd have to run across someone who was totally different from anyone I've ever been involved with up till now.

I don't think it's the "being alone" that creates the problem so much as people's perceptions, attitudes, and opinions on it. There was a point when I finally realized that these people are not me, they're not living my life, they're not seeing what I see, making my decisions, etc. -- so there was no point in my giving their views on my singlehood any credence whatsoever.

They're taking a very narrow, cookie-cutter mindset and trying to pigeonhole everybody else into it. And that just doesn't always work.

So now, when someone says "I can't believe you're still single!" I just say "Have you seen what's OUT there?" That usually shuts them up.

Good thing about this forum is people can discuss what they want, whether they agree or disagree with a topic.

Very good point Lex........

Truth is why do I have to be seen as a lonely, pathetic human....

Just because I CHOOSE to be single at this point in my life????

My preception is....for now I am happy that way and I'm working on some things in me I want to alter. Not correct but alter.

But for others who are not "Alone"....they don't understand this.
Do I have my moments when it drags me down???
YES
I am just thankful that I have a place like this, where I can discuss it with people like me.

I don't understand why it always has to become a......Debate.
Some folks just don't get it!!!!

As for the OP.......again I say.....Cudos.....
Keep postin what ya feel!!!!

Some people operate with the "I know what's best for everyone" mentality. Even though they never really do, because there IS no "what's best" for EVERYONE.

There are all kinds of people on this site, so you cannot expect everyone to agree. I see nothing wrong with someone posting what they feel, even if they disagree with what's being said in the thread. That's why this site is interesting. All different kinds of people posting different thoughts on everything. How boring would it be if we all agreed?

Why are we so judged? Why are we always told this how we need to be? Relationship/Marriage/Long Term: you're accepted into the club, all is well and the other side of coin, when you're perfectly fine telling people that being alone isn't so detrimental as its made out to be; its poison talk. Why is it always one or the other I feel?

Maybe I can't ignore the feeling that comes with it, not to say I listen to the crowd saying this is how I should feel; just those moments, those tiny moments where you're still being truly honest with yourself. Your need to connect and feel it almost selfishly returned back. You miss it. You miss being desired.

I feel like that response to someone saying "why are you still single?" (which is really what they're asking) needs to be the staple answer for other people trying to pigeonhole us for accepting reality. Maybe I am just too influenced by the common man rules and regulations. And I know this. How do you break out of that mindset? Maybe that's why I feel so doomed.

I feel i'm better off for not expecting anything to happen in the first place. I like to just be. I'm remaining zen about everything. lol. Therefore, i'm chilled out and satisfied enough with my life. So what if someone else thinks i should have a lover. They're not me. More respect to the ones who never force relationships. Nothing worse than "You should do this, you should do that".

I can't say I know what the future holds for any of us.

As far as being a family of one or a couple either is ok and making it a litmus test of worthyness to be one or the other is kind of foolish. After all we are born into this world as one when we are most vunerable so surely as grown folk we can sustain ourselves if we have to or even want to.

From what I see, of most of us, we are way to hard on ourselves. Nobody is perfect and I don't think anybody really couls stand to live with perfect anyway.

But maybe if we would just lighten up and see what good souls we are deep down someone else would if we just put it out there to be discovered. It is hard I know but I do believe there is someone for everyone.

Now granted today I feel like and old gray mare today with one eye patched like some kind of pitiful old pirate but I bet there are a number of us that could match and have a good old time just being "everyday" so I kind of hope mabe this will be the spring that I get the nod. Who knows stranger things have happen.


Haven't any of you set and looked at the couples you see and wonder "how in the world did they get together?" lol

When pressed on the issue, I will tell people that I'm still single because I haven't found anyone worth being with. That may sound a little harsh, but I really do think it's entirely accurate.

It took me a long time to break away from the "I'm supposed to be with somebody" mindset. The thing that finally did it was when I sat down and made an honest assessment of the positives and negatives of all my prior relationships. It was not a pretty sight.

The other thing that helped (eventually) was simply being able to see past the societal expectation, the inertia, the stay-inside-the-traditional-box mentality that people have been foisting off on me all my life. Once I was able to admit that I did NOT want what my parents had, etc., it was a little easier to accept that my own preferences carried more value than other people attribute to them.

I agree completely Lex.

in addition......
I prefer to learn from my past.
I am being more careful not to rush in with my heart.
I would like to believe that I have learned from mistakes of the past and choose not to repeat them.
I have spent some time (on my own now for 6 yrs) getting to know me again. Having reached that place where I am happy with me, I am less anxious to find someone.
at my age, when I do find someone, I would like it to be the last relationship of my life.
I see no need to rush it.......just patiently workin on me and carefully lookin around.
I too an more than tired of my well meaning family and friends, trying to tell me whats "best" for me!!!

That is such wise advice.

Oh that's right! You are the old sage!