Community > Dating & Relationships

Topic: Long Term Relationships
Ruth34611 Joined Sat 08/02/08 Posts: 32402	Thu 02/16/12 03:37 PM
Many people I've met, have been married 3-4 times in the U.S... and most lost half their chit each time... someone please explain. Although most were from Vegas still a unusual phenomenon in your country.No? We are unusually persistent. It's how we beat the English.

MariahsFantasy Joined Mon 11/28/11 Posts: 6593	Thu 02/16/12 03:38 PM
No, unfamiliar. http://www.sparknotes.com/lit/stranger/facts.html That's just a breakdown. That book still scares me.

MariahsFantasy Joined Mon 11/28/11 Posts: 6593	Thu 02/16/12 03:51 PM
Soufie said it perfectly. I would imagine that the longer the relationship, the longer the recovery time. But, some people check out of a relationship before its technically over. So their recovery may seem shorter. The real question should be, why do jaded and emotionally unavailable people still hit on others? Why do they pursue relationships they know they do not want? Some aren't looking. Some play games. Some aren't ready. Some say they want something when they know in their heart they can never give it to them. They don't know the first thing that comes with being there for someone. Being their friend. Others just think about it. Some feel zero remorse at the expense of someone's feelings. Some say whatever they feel. Some are serious about what they say always. Some people are emotionally dead. Both Women and men damage good people and abuse their trust. But they don't ALL hit on people, that's the good side of this. Still, you don't know this right away. They can be a lot more mangled than you think. This can happen when you first meet them. A piece of them dies the further down the hole of getting to know them. I guess we buy into it this out of sympathy. Just MO.

42BlackBBW Joined Mon 09/12/11 Posts: 3243	Thu 02/16/12 03:52 PM
Is it hard to date these people if they've had a long marriage and/or relationship? Do they ever move on? Do they just grow more picky after the breakup? What are your thoughts on knowing this about someone you're just starting to like? I don’t think they get pickier rather more wary of being in another committed relationship too soon after their longterm ended. If I’m honest, I’m wary of guys that are in their late 30’s/early 40’s whose longest relationship has been a year or two. That to me screams commitment phobe.

styk Joined Sat 11/26/11 Posts: 348	Thu 02/16/12 03:54 PM
what i really hate is the onesided relationships/mariages. one is all in and the other just uses you for and how they can.

MariahsFantasy Joined Mon 11/28/11 Posts: 6593	Thu 02/16/12 04:06 PM
I admit, in the past I used to have dreams of my exes. I think I started drinking tea more before I went to bed and stopped smoking. Thought it would help. Eventually I stopped thinking about it and my dreams or rather night terrors stopped. Looking back on it I can say they were all one-sided.

42BlackBBW Joined Mon 09/12/11 Posts: 3243	Thu 02/16/12 04:08 PM
what i really hate is the onesided relationships/mariages. one is all in and the other just uses you for and how they can. Yea but who's worse? The person that uses someone or the person that knows they're being used but puts up with it to keep the user in their life?

styk Joined Sat 11/26/11 Posts: 348	Thu 02/16/12 04:14 PM
what i really hate is the onesided relationships/mariages. one is all in and the other just uses you for and how they can. Yea but who's worse? The person that uses someone or the person that knows they're being used but puts up with it to keep the user in their life? very good question. i guess are both guilty but if one has more blame id say the user

42BlackBBW Joined Mon 09/12/11 Posts: 3243	Thu 02/16/12 04:24 PM
what i really hate is the onesided relationships/mariages. one is all in and the other just uses you for and how they can. Yea but who's worse? The person that uses someone or the person that knows they're being used but puts up with it to keep the user in their life? very good question. i guess are both guilty but if one has more blame id say the user I disagree..it's the person that allows themselves be used I find it really hard to believe that some people don't know that they're are being used. Granted, they may not realised it immediately but at some point they do and allow it to continue..

styk Joined Sat 11/26/11 Posts: 348	Thu 02/16/12 04:29 PM
well i personaly more than a few times alowed the other person to use me. not to dishonestly use them or stay in there life but i generaly care for others feelings even if they dont mine. i was rased to treat others as i want to be treated and two wrongs dont make a right. im old fashioned living in todays world.

krupa Joined Thu 07/03/08 Posts: 18651	Thu 02/16/12 04:31 PM
I think if you can remember everyday that...you are in love. If you say it, if you mean it, if you earn it...every day you can, Then you got a fairly good shot at a long term love. Just my opinion

MariahsFantasy Joined Mon 11/28/11 Posts: 6593	Thu 02/16/12 04:37 PM
Its not valued enough. Convincing yourself you deserve happiness and love can be the most rewarding thing you'll ever do.

42BlackBBW Joined Mon 09/12/11 Posts: 3243	Thu 02/16/12 04:43 PM Edited by 42BlackBBW on Thu 02/16/12 04:44 PM
Apologies for highjacking ur thread well i personaly more than a few times alowed the other person to use me. not to dishonestly use them or stay in there life but i generaly care for others feelings even if they dont mine. i was rased to treat others as i want to be treated and two wrongs dont make a right. im old fashioned living in todays world. I don't personally "blame" game but you can't hold that person(s) responsible for what YOU allowed to happen...doesn't make sense to me. In saying that...thankfully there's always someone out there that makes you bark like a dog but the barking doesn't last long

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Thu 02/16/12 07:09 PM
Is it hard to date these people if they've had a long marriage and/or relationship? Do they ever move on? Do they just grow more picky after the breakup? What are your thoughts on knowing this about someone you're just starting to like? I don’t think they get pickier rather more wary of being in another committed relationship too soon after their longterm ended. If I’m honest, I’m wary of guys that are in their late 30’s/early 40’s whose longest relationship has been a year or two. That to me screams commitment phobe. Do you shy away from men who haven't been married by that age as well?

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Thu 02/16/12 07:12 PM
yeah i do think they become more picky, and it really depends if they have moved on or not. I was in a long relationship and im still not fully over it and it has almost been a year since we broke up. And yes i am way more picky now, we know what we want after we have waded through all the ****. haha yes! and I found that it is really hard for someone who has never been married or a serious LTR to understand how we KNOW when it's the real thing or NOT we know cuz we done been der done dat so I think there are challenges when dating the never married, but as someone else said - if there's love u understand the unique positive things a person's past brings

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Thu 02/16/12 07:14 PM Edited by singmesweet on Thu 02/16/12 07:15 PM
yeah i do think they become more picky, and it really depends if they have moved on or not. I was in a long relationship and im still not fully over it and it has almost been a year since we broke up. And yes i am way more picky now, we know what we want after we have waded through all the ****. haha yes! and I found that it is really hard for someone who has never been married or a serious LTR to understand how we KNOW when it's the real thing or NOT we know cuz we done been der done dat so I think there are challenges when dating the never married, but as someone else said - if there's love u understand the unique positive things a person's past brings But if you've been married and divorced, you were wrong about it being the "real thing" as it didn't last. So why would someone who has not been married not be able to guess just as you did? What exactly is the "real thing" anyway?

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Thu 02/16/12 08:55 PM
yeah i do think they become more picky, and it really depends if they have moved on or not. I was in a long relationship and im still not fully over it and it has almost been a year since we broke up. And yes i am way more picky now, we know what we want after we have waded through all the ****. haha yes! and I found that it is really hard for someone who has never been married or a serious LTR to understand how we KNOW when it's the real thing or NOT we know cuz we done been der done dat so I think there are challenges when dating the never married, but as someone else said - if there's love u understand the unique positive things a person's past brings But if you've been married and divorced, you were wrong about it being the "real thing" as it didn't last. So why would someone who has not been married not be able to guess just as you did? What exactly is the "real thing" anyway? you simply would not understand something like that I would only explain to the right person at th eright time

MariahsFantasy Joined Mon 11/28/11 Posts: 6593	Thu 02/16/12 10:53 PM
Apologies for highjacking ur thread well i personaly more than a few times alowed the other person to use me. not to dishonestly use them or stay in there life but i generaly care for others feelings even if they dont mine. i was rased to treat others as i want to be treated and two wrongs dont make a right. im old fashioned living in todays world. I don't personally "blame" game but you can't hold that person(s) responsible for what YOU allowed to happen...doesn't make sense to me. In saying that...thankfully there's always someone out there that makes you bark like a dog but the barking doesn't last long Bogart away. I enjoy the entertaining responses. Its actually a pretty general subject. Could go anywhere. I just know some people like this, I worry about them a little.

InvictusV Joined Sun 11/23/08 Posts: 5282	Fri 02/17/12 05:22 AM
Is it hard to date these people if they've had a long marriage and/or relationship? Do they ever move on? Do they just grow more picky after the breakup? What are your thoughts on knowing this about someone you're just starting to like? I have dated one woman that was divorced and I could tell early on that her poor previous relationship was having an impact on how we interacted. The longer the previous relationship and the terms of how it ended last beyond divorce or breakup. When you don't have an understanding ie.. never been through it.. it can be difficult to relate or comprehend how to respond..

teadipper Joined Wed 10/19/11 Posts: 2732	Fri 02/17/12 05:33 AM
Is it hard to date these people if they've had a long marriage and/or relationship? Do they ever move on? Do they just grow more picky after the breakup? What are your thoughts on knowing this about someone you're just starting to like? In some ways, I am less picky. In others I am more so. Money and status means nothing to me anymore. The amount of time and caring and that are available means everything to me even though I am Quirky Alone. I did not leave a relationship of wealth and privilege to date another emotionally unavailable person.