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| Topic: Separation, divorce and how to heal | |
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Youre so right. Loss of a marriage will require a grieving process. It is a failure. I would have been content to simply blame my ex for it all, but that wouldnt have taught me anything. Instead, I recommend finding yourself in the mess. How/why did I allow this person to hurt me? Why was he a poor choice in a partner? What can I do to avoid a repeat of my mistake? etc. Lots of self awareness to be had. Make it a positive experience and learn all you can. Its so hard when there are kids, because you dont have as much freedom to just express anger over the partner. Respect for the kids means respecting their parent, in some way. Even if they are bad people in your eyes. Dont get me wrong. Hate him all you want, just dont show the kids that. Dont make excuses for yourself or the ex. That will teach them that its ok to be disrespectful if you have an excuse. no. Youre a role model and you will show your kids what a relationship should look like...whether you want to or not. Teach them that they deserve respect, and that they should respect the one they choose or leave. I've done some serious thinking... I've asked myself these things. I stayed and endured it for so long because I wanted to give my son the family I never had when I was a child. I wanted it so badly for him; I wanted his life to not be similar to mine at all. I would never wish my life unto anyone, not even someone I hated. My husband doesn't mourn, or feel. If he does he's really good at shutting it out and ignoring it. I often had to force him to show he loved me, and he was very reluctant. But I mean, I was his first kiss, his first girl friend, his first wife, and the first person to give him a child. You'd have to be a robot not to feel some sort of loss or depression over that, regardless if you've found someone or not. It has to be hard to even kiss another person, but that's just my view of things. :/ |
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I'm currently separated from my soon-to-be-ex-husband, and although he was a jerk (understatement, really) I still find myself missing him during the night. I don't know why, he wasn't very loving or affectionate.. It's just hard. Is anyone else going through this? Do you have any tips for me? You're thinking of the semi-good times that kept you with him. Don't. It may be hard but in time you will learn to let go of him. Let go completely of the people who give you overall bad memories. Surround yourself with positive people, that's the only way to survive this feeling. That's my girl! Good advice, hun.    You made the right choice with me Thank you. :) I will try harder, but also let myself grieve over him, even if he was a complete jerk. We're all young. When something like this happens, we think its over in some way, we can't move past it. I don't like to live in the past so much. We've all come across jerks, even women can be jerks. You were with him for a while so all this is still so new, its naturally to long for the good times. But what's great about starting over sometimes is the clean slate. You know what you want a little bit now and coming out of the other side, you learned to hold on to yourself in all of it. Its pretty amazing even though a piece of us dies, we don't. Its definitely all how we make of it. You're gonna think about him, hell I do that with certain people who meant a lot to me, you're gonna hold onto the positive image he gave you but he is not your life anymore. The better off you'll be the more you accept that. It's no joke that I am better off without him in my life. And you're right, I do enjoy the clean slate and I've a better idea of what I'm looking for. I may have found someone already on this site that I like quite a bit. Hehe. |
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I'm currently separated from my soon-to-be-ex-husband, and although he was a jerk (understatement, really) I still find myself missing him during the night. I don't know why, he wasn't very loving or affectionate.. It's just hard. Is anyone else going through this? Do you have any tips for me? it's the same as any addiction....you're experiencing withdrawal pain |
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If he wasn't willing to save the relationship, then it makes sense to split up. Either save it, or lose out, i say. If he wasn't willing to see through problems, then what does that tell you? When a lover doesn't put forth much effort to save their relationship, it makes me wonder. All divorces are different. Don't sweat it. Just try to keep busy. It's important to socialise, when feeling down, so never feel like you're a pest. You're just grieving is all. It's certainly understandable, and perfectly normal.  :flower:
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. . . I do enjoy the clean slate and I've a better idea of what I'm looking for. I may have found someone already on this site that I like quite a bit. Hehe. Do I detect a rebound? |
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. . . I do enjoy the clean slate and I've a better idea of what I'm looking for. I may have found someone already on this site that I like quite a bit. Hehe. Do I detect a rebound? Hardly. I learned from my last relationship to take things slow and to actually know the person before I start anything. I'm definitely not like my husband when it comes to stuff like that. |
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I'm currently separated from my soon-to-be-ex-husband, and although he was a jerk (understatement, really) I still find myself missing him during the night. I don't know why, he wasn't very loving or affectionate.. It's just hard. Is anyone else going through this? Do you have any tips for me? You're thinking of the semi-good times that kept you with him. Don't. It may be hard but in time you will learn to let go of him. Let go completely of the people who give you overall bad memories. Surround yourself with positive people, that's the only way to survive this feeling. That's my girl! Good advice, hun. You made the right choice with me Thank you. :) I will try harder, but also let myself grieve over him, even if he was a complete jerk. We're all young. When something like this happens, we think its over in some way, we can't move past it. I don't like to live in the past so much. We've all come across jerks, even women can be jerks. You were with him for a while so all this is still so new, its naturally to long for the good times. But what's great about starting over sometimes is the clean slate. You know what you want a little bit now and coming out of the other side, you learned to hold on to yourself in all of it. Its pretty amazing even though a piece of us dies, we don't. Its definitely all how we make of it. You're gonna think about him, hell I do that with certain people who meant a lot to me, you're gonna hold onto the positive image he gave you but he is not your life anymore. The better off you'll be the more you accept that. It's no joke that I am better off without him in my life. And you're right, I do enjoy the clean slate and I've a better idea of what I'm looking for. I may have found someone already on this site that I like quite a bit. Hehe. That's so great to hear! Be nice if there was another couple here who found exactly what they're looking for. All the best to ya Hmmm, the site DOES work afterall 
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I'm currently separated from my soon-to-be-ex-husband, and although he was a jerk (understatement, really) I still find myself missing him during the night. I don't know why, he wasn't very loving or affectionate.. It's just hard. Is anyone else going through this? Do you have any tips for me? You're thinking of the semi-good times that kept you with him. Don't. It may be hard but in time you will learn to let go of him. Let go completely of the people who give you overall bad memories. Surround yourself with positive people, that's the only way to survive this feeling. That's my girl! Good advice, hun. You made the right choice with me Thank you. :) I will try harder, but also let myself grieve over him, even if he was a complete jerk. We're all young. When something like this happens, we think its over in some way, we can't move past it. I don't like to live in the past so much. We've all come across jerks, even women can be jerks. You were with him for a while so all this is still so new, its naturally to long for the good times. But what's great about starting over sometimes is the clean slate. You know what you want a little bit now and coming out of the other side, you learned to hold on to yourself in all of it. Its pretty amazing even though a piece of us dies, we don't. Its definitely all how we make of it. You're gonna think about him, hell I do that with certain people who meant a lot to me, you're gonna hold onto the positive image he gave you but he is not your life anymore. The better off you'll be the more you accept that. It's no joke that I am better off without him in my life. And you're right, I do enjoy the clean slate and I've a better idea of what I'm looking for. I may have found someone already on this site that I like quite a bit. Hehe. That's so great to hear! Be nice if there was another couple here who found exactly what they're looking for. All the best to ya Hmmm, the site DOES work afterall Hahaha, I know right? I never expected to meet anyone that'd be interested, but there is one whom I'd like to get to know better. :) |
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Hahaha, I know right? I never expected to meet anyone that'd be interested, but there is one whom I'd like to get to know better. :) Sometimes life is full of surprises. Its a great feeling when it happens to good people. |
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Separation,divorce,its not custom of our socity,in my 25 years life i have seen only 3 divorce in my town.
I THINK ITS AN INTRESTING SOUNDs FOR you |
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To be very honest I'm not one to conform, so even if my town saw divorce as something sinful I'd still be divorcing my husband anyway. Who would stay with a man who struck a woman for voicing her concerns and opinions? Not me, that's for sure.
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Ugh, been there, nearly happened, not going there again.
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My ex is not a total azzhole. Matter of fact, people adore him. I love him as a brother. BUT he was NOT a good husband. Nobody cheated or anything. It was just NOT working in a major way. I walked after 20 years. Literally over half my life.
All I can say, is DON'T HOOK UP WITH SOMEONE ELSE OUT OF LONELINESS. Don't do it. Allow yourself to feel the pain. Fill your life with hobbies and pets UNRELATED TO HIM. Do not date below your set bar. As one of my ex boyfriends said, if a guy can't jump over the bar you set, let him smack into and fall backwards and wait for the guy who CAN jump over it because you are worth it. |
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Separation,divorce,its not custom of our socity,in my 25 years life i have seen only 3 divorce in my town. I THINK ITS AN INTRESTING SOUNDs FOR you is divorce punished in your society? are people legally obligated to either remain married or be alone for their lifetime? just curious |
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I think divorce is not sin an any religion,i just share my culture.and custom with you.your ex husbend,he was your past leave the past and make plan for your future.:)
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No no,divorce not funished and not a sin.you are free if a wife dont like her husbend so she can separte.but i dont claim that fight,argument its not occur between husbend and wife an our socity.but its not going so forward to get divorce.
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Amaeb,if you want to conform,so u r welcome.
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Amaeb,if you want to conform,so u r welcome. No thanks. I'm done conforming to things. |
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Amaeb,if you want to conform,so u r welcome. No thanks. I'm done conforming to things.
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