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| Topic: The Best Friend! | |
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What can you do when you fall in love with your best friend, who you talk to every day and see all the time, when you know that she is not physically attracted to you. She still wants to spend time with you and talk about what is going on in her life, including other guys.
It is becoming increasingly harder to control how I feel and I don't want it to end our friendship. |
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then don't let it end the friendship, but of course it will be harder to meet someone who does appreciate and want you while you are clinging to this woman.. other gals are not going to want to play 2nd fiddle to her.
you might want to end that relationship - or at least put some distance there yourself so that you can move on into a healthy relationship of your own - just a thought |
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Edited by
Bravalady
on
Sat 01/14/12 12:11 AM
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Yeah, this is very tough. Almost the same thing happened to me in reverse. If it's obvious to you that it's never going anywhere romantically, then I don't know what you can do but take a break from her.
Is she aware of how you feel? If she isn't, would you be comfortable bringing it up? There could be a chance that the physical aspect is not so important to her as you think? And if it is, then maybe clearing the air would still be the best thing to do. You have to decide what will be best for your peace of mind in the long run. I feel for you. It's a very hard situation and I don't think there are any easy answers. |
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Edited by
42BlackBBW
on
Sat 01/14/12 02:23 AM
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I know that you can’t help how you feel but having been in the same situation as your friend, I think that you are being unfair to her....you have previously stated that you were aware that your feelings weren’t reciprocated and yet, you chose to continue with the friendship anyway.
In my case, I started to wonder whether this person would have remained my friend had it not been for his attraction...I also began to feel uncomfortable around him because of the ‘look’ I would see on his face every time I looked at him...I was a coward and gradually distanced myself from him until we eventually stopped talking. I know this may seem a bit harsh but you are being selfish and only thinking about how you feel, not how she feels...if she hasn't been using you, she's probably upset knowing that it's only a matter of time before the friendship ends. |
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What can you do when you fall in love with your best friend, who you talk to every day and see all the time, when you know that she is not physically attracted to you. She still wants to spend time with you and talk about what is going on in her life, including other guys. It is becoming increasingly harder to control how I feel and I don't want it to end our friendship. Wow, I feel for you. I couldn't do it. Gosh, my heart just goes out for you. |
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I was a coward and gradually distanced myself from him until we eventually stopped talking. I believe I've seen research that in fact, many people actually prefer having their relationship ended this way, as it lets them down easier. Obviously some people feel "a clean break is better," but I wouldn't automatically call this the coward's way. I think it depends on the two people involved. |
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I don't know, Paul. I'm the last person to ask about how to control your feelings. Mine hava life of their own.
 If it was me, I would not continue to be best friends with her. I'd put some distance between you. If she truly cares about you and knows how you feel about her and doesn't feel the same, she will understand. |
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Seems to me in every every relationship one of the two is colder then the other in this case the one who is cold hearted doesnt want a clean break or a friendship.
Nope they want you to hurt and skin you alive basting you with warm salt baths,raping your heart in barbed wire twisting and turning it. They want you to remember what you had and you will never have it again,they want you to cry and want to die.To tremble at there site,to scare and never share you to crush you from the inside out. At least thats my expereance. |
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Hmm...I guess the answer is live a lie.
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I know that you can’t help how you feel but having been in the same situation as your friend, I think that you are being unfair to her....you have previously stated that you were aware that your feelings weren’t reciprocated and yet, you chose to continue with the friendship anyway. In my case, I started to wonder whether this person would have remained my friend had it not been for his attraction...I also began to feel uncomfortable around him because of the ‘look’ I would see on his face every time I looked at him...I was a coward and gradually distanced myself from him until we eventually stopped talking. I know this may seem a bit harsh but you are being selfish and only thinking about how you feel, not how she feels...if she hasn't been using you, she's probably upset knowing that it's only a matter of time before the friendship ends. How is it unfair to her? It's as if you're assuming he's being friends with her because he's attracted to her. However, it sounds to me like they were very close already. |
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I was a coward and gradually distanced myself from him until we eventually stopped talking. I believe I've seen research that in fact, many people actually prefer having their relationship ended this way, as it lets them down easier. Obviously some people feel "a clean break is better," but I wouldn't automatically call this the coward's way. I think it depends on the two people involved. I agree - it's more like a weaning. I've had to do that before and I think if it goes well it can preserve some level of friendship & positive feelings |
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Are you sure she is not attracted to you? I mean sometimes it can be hard to tell honestly.
Unsure what to say in once sense, as my natural response is to talk to her about it, but of course she may be weirded out and choose to start avoiding you. It is a very fine line to walk. Several years ago I was in this situation, but it was eating at me... in the end, I finally broke down and told her how I felt... she did remain my friend and we even tried dating for awhile. After all was said and done, we finally decided being friend was just best for us though. Can't speak for every situation.. but for me, I just could not handle keeping silent on it. In my opinion, if she is really your friend, then you should be able to truly talk about it, and still remain friends no matter what. |
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One will always wonder what if till they step up to the plate.....
Had a friend that our situation was similar he revealed his thoughts it did not change our friendship. We still remain friends to this day. Sure at first it was a bit strange but once he realized it was only going to be a friendship only he found someone... One never knows till your honest with the person... 
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What can you do when you fall in love with your best friend, who you talk to every day and see all the time, when you know that she is not physically attracted to you. She still wants to spend time with you and talk about what is going on in her life, including other guys. It is becoming increasingly harder to control how I feel and I don't want it to end our friendship. you talk to her everyday and see her all the time but yet you know that she is not physically attracted to you....it sounds like you two are already married to each other |
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We have talked and she is aware of how I feel and I completely understand that attraction is necessarily something that you can control. I asked this question because for some reason, obviously something to do with me, I find myself in this situation more often than not.
I have asked my friends what it is about me and have never really gotten a straight answer. These women have been and most still are some of my dearest friends. I would really like to know what I am doing, or what it is about me that I always end up just a friend. I have always thought that the best partner would start with my best friend. |
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What can you do when you fall in love with your best friend, who you talk to every day and see all the time, when you know that she is not physically attracted to you. She still wants to spend time with you and talk about what is going on in her life, including other guys. It is becoming increasingly harder to control how I feel and I don't want it to end our friendship.   <---yes,,I am LAUGHING WITH ME HERE,,NOT YOU,,I have lived most of my life in THAT state.. Always looked at,,and seen by THEM,,as a really good sweet nice intelligent man to ask questions to about EVERYTHING in life,, But NEVER finding in me THEIR ONE TO LOVE,,as THEY always liked the ones who hurt them, left them, abused them or used them.. IF YOUR LIKE ME,,your let her use your friendship as her one way fare,,,and not ever see her being or acting any kind of unfair to you,,,and YOU,,really down deep,,loving her very much,,will stand by her,,PROUDLY AND FONDLY,,as long as YOU have that picture of HER in your heart and MIND as ONE DAY,,,MAYBE??? I KNOW,,I have lived THIS,,,and I learned,,EVEN IF SHE SAID SHE SAW YOU AS HER GUY ,,NOW,,,SHE should have already come to FEEL THAT AND KNOW THAT AND TELL YOU THAT AS IT WAS FELT BY HER,,,SO Because it wasn't,,it will never BE FELT BY HER.. I've had one come back and tell me, she was through with the one she was in love with,,and SILLY ME,,I said cool and gave that a shot,,THEN,,to find out, after three months,,she WAS BACK IN HIS ARMS,, SO,,,NO,,WE CAN ALL HOPE AND DREAM MAN.. But when ANY form OF LOVE SNEAKS UP AND IN,,,IT WILL RULE BOTH,,and not just stay on the tips of one's tongue to never say. I would be friends always,,but,,I would not be AS MUCH A FRIEND as to let her feel your every moment with the pains she suffering through with her guy,,or her joys she's experiencing as BOTH,,get under your skin a bit,,,don't they,,as YOU wish HE was YOU! THATS HOW I FELT..Good luck with this all,,as it truly is,,just YOUR heart,,which you put this through... 
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What can you do when you fall in love with your best friend, who you talk to every day and see all the time, when you know that she is not physically attracted to you. She still wants to spend time with you and talk about what is going on in her life, including other guys. It is becoming increasingly harder to control how I feel and I don't want it to end our friendship. <---yes,,I am LAUGHING WITH ME HERE,,NOT YOU,,I have lived most of my life in THAT state.. Always looked at,,and seen by THEM,,as a really good sweet nice intelligent man to ask questions to about EVERYTHING in life,, But NEVER finding in me THEIR ONE TO LOVE,,as THEY always liked the ones who hurt them, left them, abused them or used them.. IF YOUR LIKE ME,,your let her use your friendship as her one way fare,,,and not ever see her being or acting any kind of unfair to you,,,and YOU,,really down deep,,loving her very much,,will stand by her,,PROUDLY AND FONDLY,,as long as YOU have that picture of HER in your heart and MIND as ONE DAY,,,MAYBE??? I KNOW,,I have lived THIS,,,and I learned,,EVEN IF SHE SAID SHE SAW YOU AS HER GUY ,,NOW,,,SHE should have already come to FEEL THAT AND KNOW THAT AND TELL YOU THAT AS IT WAS FELT BY HER,,,SO Because it wasn't,,it will never BE FELT BY HER.. I've had one come back and tell me, she was through with the one she was in love with,,and SILLY ME,,I said cool and gave that a shot,,THEN,,to find out, after three months,,she WAS BACK IN HIS ARMS,, SO,,,NO,,WE CAN ALL HOPE AND DREAM MAN.. But when ANY form OF LOVE SNEAKS UP AND IN,,,IT WILL RULE BOTH,,and not just stay on the tips of one's tongue to never say. I would be friends always,,but,,I would not be AS MUCH A FRIEND as to let her feel your every moment with the pains she suffering through with her guy,,or her joys she's experiencing as BOTH,,get under your skin a bit,,,don't they,,as YOU wish HE was YOU! THATS HOW I FELT..Good luck with this all,,as it truly is,,just YOUR heart,,which you put this through... You have obviously been there done that! How the hell do you break the damn cycle. I actually went to one of their weddings and when I ran into her years later and after she told me about all the problems was having with her husband, she asked me why I never stopped by to hang out or come over to have dinner? I couldn't answer all I could do was think to myself, DUH 
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What can you do when you fall in love with your best friend, who you talk to every day and see all the time, when you know that she is not physically attracted to you. She still wants to spend time with you and talk about what is going on in her life, including other guys. It is becoming increasingly harder to control how I feel and I don't want it to end our friendship. <---yes,,I am LAUGHING WITH ME HERE,,NOT YOU,,I have lived most of my life in THAT state.. Always looked at,,and seen by THEM,,as a really good sweet nice intelligent man to ask questions to about EVERYTHING in life,, But NEVER finding in me THEIR ONE TO LOVE,,as THEY always liked the ones who hurt them, left them, abused them or used them.. IF YOUR LIKE ME,,your let her use your friendship as her one way fare,,,and not ever see her being or acting any kind of unfair to you,,,and YOU,,really down deep,,loving her very much,,will stand by her,,PROUDLY AND FONDLY,,as long as YOU have that picture of HER in your heart and MIND as ONE DAY,,,MAYBE??? I KNOW,,I have lived THIS,,,and I learned,,EVEN IF SHE SAID SHE SAW YOU AS HER GUY ,,NOW,,,SHE should have already come to FEEL THAT AND KNOW THAT AND TELL YOU THAT AS IT WAS FELT BY HER,,,SO Because it wasn't,,it will never BE FELT BY HER.. I've had one come back and tell me, she was through with the one she was in love with,,and SILLY ME,,I said cool and gave that a shot,,THEN,,to find out, after three months,,she WAS BACK IN HIS ARMS,, SO,,,NO,,WE CAN ALL HOPE AND DREAM MAN.. But when ANY form OF LOVE SNEAKS UP AND IN,,,IT WILL RULE BOTH,,and not just stay on the tips of one's tongue to never say. I would be friends always,,but,,I would not be AS MUCH A FRIEND as to let her feel your every moment with the pains she suffering through with her guy,,or her joys she's experiencing as BOTH,,get under your skin a bit,,,don't they,,as YOU wish HE was YOU! THATS HOW I FELT..Good luck with this all,,as it truly is,,just YOUR heart,,which you put this through... You have obviously been there done that! How the hell do you break the damn cycle. I actually went to one of their weddings and when I ran into her years later and after she told me about all the problems was having with her husband, she asked me why I never stopped by to hang out or come over to have dinner? I couldn't answer all I could do was think to myself, DUH and I MEAN KNOW,,she DOES NOT FEEL "THAT" kind of love for YOU,, When it sinks down,,and comes back up,,as,,wow,,she will always only want me here,,and NEVER WHERE HE'S AT,,INSIDE HER HEART. And with SOME WOMEN,,its a kind of,,secret desire to ACT,,with and about YOU,,BUT NEVER REALLY LIVE OUT,,as it KEEPS her guy THINKING and a little jealous,and it make her own EGO rise knowing she has THAT MUCH OF YOU,,that you give her.. I guess its like a loving relationship,,in reverse,, You KNOW WHEN YOU GET THAT FEELING INSIDE..THAT SAYS,,,DAMN,,I LOVE HER,,and THEN YOU HEAR HER TELL YOU THAT,,AND YOU KNOW! ITS LOVE. Well,,that same,,when YOU know deep down,,and outward,,SHE NEVER WILL,,and then POOF,,her spell is broken and NEVER to be that weight to put it back on ya.. 
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What can you do when you fall in love with your best friend, who you talk to every day and see all the time, when you know that she is not physically attracted to you. She still wants to spend time with you and talk about what is going on in her life, including other guys. It is becoming increasingly harder to control how I feel and I don't want it to end our friendship. <---yes,,I am LAUGHING WITH ME HERE,,NOT YOU,,I have lived most of my life in THAT state.. Always looked at,,and seen by THEM,,as a really good sweet nice intelligent man to ask questions to about EVERYTHING in life,, But NEVER finding in me THEIR ONE TO LOVE,,as THEY always liked the ones who hurt them, left them, abused them or used them.. IF YOUR LIKE ME,,your let her use your friendship as her one way fare,,,and not ever see her being or acting any kind of unfair to you,,,and YOU,,really down deep,,loving her very much,,will stand by her,,PROUDLY AND FONDLY,,as long as YOU have that picture of HER in your heart and MIND as ONE DAY,,,MAYBE??? I KNOW,,I have lived THIS,,,and I learned,,EVEN IF SHE SAID SHE SAW YOU AS HER GUY ,,NOW,,,SHE should have already come to FEEL THAT AND KNOW THAT AND TELL YOU THAT AS IT WAS FELT BY HER,,,SO Because it wasn't,,it will never BE FELT BY HER.. I've had one come back and tell me, she was through with the one she was in love with,,and SILLY ME,,I said cool and gave that a shot,,THEN,,to find out, after three months,,she WAS BACK IN HIS ARMS,, SO,,,NO,,WE CAN ALL HOPE AND DREAM MAN.. But when ANY form OF LOVE SNEAKS UP AND IN,,,IT WILL RULE BOTH,,and not just stay on the tips of one's tongue to never say. I would be friends always,,but,,I would not be AS MUCH A FRIEND as to let her feel your every moment with the pains she suffering through with her guy,,or her joys she's experiencing as BOTH,,get under your skin a bit,,,don't they,,as YOU wish HE was YOU! THATS HOW I FELT..Good luck with this all,,as it truly is,,just YOUR heart,,which you put this through... You have obviously been there done that! How the hell do you break the damn cycle. I actually went to one of their weddings and when I ran into her years later and after she told me about all the problems was having with her husband, she asked me why I never stopped by to hang out or come over to have dinner? I couldn't answer all I could do was think to myself, DUH and I MEAN KNOW,,she DOES NOT FEEL "THAT" kind of love for YOU,, When it sinks down,,and comes back up,,as,,wow,,she will always only want me here,,and NEVER WHERE HE'S AT,,INSIDE HER HEART. And with SOME WOMEN,,its a kind of,,secret desire to ACT,,with and about YOU,,BUT NEVER REALLY LIVE OUT,,as it KEEPS her guy THINKING and a little jealous,and it make her own EGO rise knowing she has THAT MUCH OF YOU,,that you give her.. I guess its like a loving relationship,,in reverse,, You KNOW WHEN YOU GET THAT FEELING INSIDE..THAT SAYS,,,DAMN,,I LOVE HER,,and THEN YOU HEAR HER TELL YOU THAT,,AND YOU KNOW! ITS LOVE. Well,,that same,,when YOU know deep down,,and outward,,SHE NEVER WILL,,and then POOF,,her spell is broken and NEVER to be that weight to put it back on ya.. Believe me been in all of the above situations. Been used, been played, been told the truth and been lied to. At present it is all truthful and good, still stings a little when I hear about or see the other guy, but we have known each other for 20 years and I understand. I just want to know what it is about me or what I am doing so I can stop falling into the same trap. I am not starting out looking for just a friend. I can't even get any of give me a straight answer so I can see the trap before I get locked into that "Friend Zone". Is it some kind of female conspiracy?
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Believe me been in all of the above situations. Been used, been played, been told the truth and been lied to. At present it is all truthful and good, still stings a little when I hear about or see the other guy, but we have known each other for 20 years and I understand. I just want to know what it is about me or what I am doing so I can stop falling into the same trap. I am not starting out looking for just a friend. I can't even get any of give me a straight answer so I can see the trap before I get locked into that "Friend Zone". Is it some kind of female conspiracy?
  SORRY,,THAT ONE I am stuck with you IN....      WOMEN,,,,go figure 
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