We are nowhere near close to marriage but the guy I am involved with says that marriage is important to him and eventually he wants to be married. I was married 16 years. We have an agreement that we will talk about such things well in advance and there will be NO spontaneous proposals. No ring will be whipped out of a pocket unexpectedly giving me heart failure, etc.

Does anybody else who was married a long time have such agreements? Does anybody want the spontaneous ring whipped out of the pocket? How do you feel about such things?

I can hear the gasps, oohs and aahs all over again...reminds me of the "let me whip this out scene" Blazzing saddles.

I can appreciate what you are saying as I was married for 17 years and I am not sure I ever want to marry again - no matter how much in love I may be in - that has nothing to do with it

a spontaneous proposal would just make for a very uncomfortable moment.

I think it may be hard for him to understand if he has never been married, but if he loves you he will take your word for it and try to understand.

I don't plan on getting married but you never know. It would not be a whipped out of pocket thingy though.

This looks like a sticky situation,so he must eat his boogers.

No spontanious whipping out of ANYthing please. LOL

I was married for 26 years. The marriage part was nice, the man I was married to, not so much.

Right after the divorce, I never wanted to get married again.
Rick and I talked about it and I said no twice. Third time was the charm. Plus he really had a list of good reasons.

Now, I dont know. Sitting on the fence at the moment.

Humm wow I have been divorced longer then I was married.........But when it comes down to it I want the romance thing.........the surprise question and all....

That is if it was to happen again..

Talking marraige and proposing are 2 different things. I think we all want the romance of it. Usally that is followed by discussions and many of them before you make a commitment of that extreme.

Lust, attraction and compatabilty are in there somewhere. Don't let lust lead you down the marraige road. Think with your brain as well, Or the road will split and you will be alone once again.

I was seeing a lady, who after 2 months starting e-mailing me stuff on Disney cruise marriage packets and what dress I would like her in: the little mermaid gown or some other stupid female character I didn't know. I just ignored it and she stopped bringing it up. But really, she was 37 and wanted a Disney wedding?

i was with my e hubby on and off for 2yrs
and we got married i feel for the wrong reason
we got married shortly after our son was born
we stil fought
and i kicked him out of the house 4 differnt times
reason.... he cheated before during and after
we didnt even celebrate our first annerversary together

he got married again but i dont have any plans to
he in fact text me tonite wanted to play around.........NOTTTTTTTTTT!!!
we have been divorced for 22yrs and hes been married about 20
he has a total of 6 kids... and get this our son is the oldest and his youngest is 20yrs old....... he only thinks about his man hood....(ha ha ha)

I have never even got into talking about marriage I have only had a couple girlfriends that such a thing would even begin to be apropriate to mention. For now I am jsut studying and finishing school and focusing on myself. Hoping it will fall into place even though it is kind of the guys job to initiate interest and talk about it.

Well, I suspect most women get aghast when guys whip something out of their pants, be it a golden ring, a pistol, or a banana.

So... I did buy once such a ring for a certain girl. I went on week-long vacation with her, was turned off by her to decide not to do any whipping, but told her about it on the day I left, and she made wild and passionate love to me for the road just from the thought.

It's like everything else. It is a good effect, but has connotations that stops many guys of whippping it out when they are simply super-horrrny and it does not go beyond that for them.

I realize this does not do much by way of answering your question in the OP, but hey, I never said I was perfect. And the few times I said I was, I said it out of modesty. (False modesty.)

fences can be comfortable if u are well positioned

Heck no!!! I was married 19 years....once the ink cleared, it was definitely 'sa yo nara'..............

I think they are childish. It should and does only happen in movies. In real life, its rather presumptuous.

If you want to get a girl a ring, I think you should talk about it, and what you can afford etc. Unless you are insanely rich.

Marriage should be talked about and agreed upon. Don't just pop the question out of the blue. Both people will have been thinking about it for a while.

I come from a culture where it's okay for a guy to mention marriage when he's asking you out. Actually, traditionally he just had to see you and then approach your father to speak about lobola and stuff. There really isn't a ring or a spotaneous proposal, unless you count the shock of discovering the guy you saw at the shop now discussiong you with your dad and uncles. Marriage itself is for life, even if he takes on a second or 3rd wife. And if he dies, well his brother will take over, so you won't have to worry about dating again. Of course, we're a bit more westernised now but you still find it in alot of places. So I think you guys are lucky to have the wipping out of the ring, or even the chance to discuss it between the two of you. I've had guys threaten me with marriage. Like literally say, "I'll just go to your dad."

You said "M" word and I immediately thought of Masturbation.

I would hate to live in that culture. But you are right, marriage is for producing children.

When a man approaches a woman for a date he either has marriage in mind or he just wants to have sex and walk away.

It's usually one or the other, so I see no reason why you can't bring up the subject of marriage early.

I'm glad I live in a society that I can decide not to have children, and not to be married if I want.

I can't imagine getting married again, under any conditions, and I would probably throw stuff (not rings) at anyone who tried to press the issue.