Maybe its the Season to feel more deep down inside.
This Christmas Spirit I write about, yet seems to hide.
Gifts bought,already wrapped,,and sent through the mail.
I've never spent a Christmas, where my life felt like a jail.
To much work, and not enough play, maybe thats just living today.
Family scattered, seems like nothing matters,
Friends drawing their attentions, not wanting redemptions.
Everyone throwing out their infatuations, w/o actualizations.
Soldiers coming home, just to be left alone, home sweet home!
Friends who call me once a week, must have turned the other cheek.
Christmas time on this site, use to be so shinny and bright.
A year ago today, I walked away, because I just couldn't play.
Honesty, prosperity, The values we stand for and believe in.
They seem to to have fallen, into egos, greed and sin.
Three year ago on here, I was a woman's friend.
She and I would email all night,,on Christmas Eve.
She wrote me and said,,oh,,I'm sorry, I really am just Pretend.
So that was then and this is now, yet,,so many fading away.
I search and I wonder,sometimes. What just happen here today.
Maybe I should just live a loner,,ride off on my white horse.
For the ones you most believe in, change and turn their course.
I guess I'm to involved with heart,when others don't share that part
This is the Net,,its Fun and Play,,Lets hurt some more on here today
Running on empty, looking to see the light, feeling really wimpy.
To exhale,,to inspire, setting other butts on fire.
Left in the ashes, burnt from there flames, out of all my desire.
What is a man who walks alone, a King, a baggar, or a shadow.
I think he must walk very proud, within his invisible crowd.
The stand to fight for all thats right, has left here tonight.
No more fire,,no more flame, Being a friend, isn't a fking game.
Trust to reason, reason to trust, everyone just feels their rush.
Yea, I know, get a real life, go ahead stab my heart with your knife
Pity seekers apply within, well my friend its God who shall win.
Have I reached the mile long write, hell it still ain't daylight.
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOODNIGHT!

Terry . . This really touched me. I know this pain and sorrow. God will win the wounds will heal. Have a blessed Christmas my friend. :)

Terry this is really beautiful!!!

Christmas can be a lonely time for many..

Ya got that s-it right!!!!!!!

We all have MANY MORE PEOPLE,,family and friends who suffer much MORE than ANY of US HERE,, I was feeling down when I wrote this,,as finding some of my friends only make believe,,and not in their hearts..I AM BLESSED to compare to many who I talk with here and by phone,,for their issues in living this life,,have thoughts and real lived dramas ,,,that NO ONE CAN COMPARE,,in hurting them selves.
I hope and Pray ALL OF YOU HAVE A WHITE LOVING CHRISTMAS,,,and let the Blues melt away to a new year and a new YOU..
This is just a resembleness to the sad we all feelat times...Love and Peace to all of you.

Have a very Merry Christmas Terry.

It is Christmas. My son came home from Afghanistan. My husband & I are in a very hurtful divorce after 30 years. We have 5 boys together. 7 grand daughters. This is the first christmas in my life as a mother that my children have dis-owned me as their mother. It dosent matter that I have orders of protection from their father. It dosent matter that they have seen and been subjected to the physical and verbal abuse for 3 decades. What matters to them is that I broke the family up. I am the one who is selfish because I don't want to live like this anymore. It dosent matter that this man, my husband, their father, brought home his girlfriend and introduced her to them when they were younger as their new mother, right in front of me as I was cooking their dinner. This is an absolutely true story. I can't believe I stayed as long as I did. My children refuse to even speak to me. They are in my house sitting on the couch, waiting for the theater to open up so they can go & have a christmas together. I am so hurt. They will realize that this decision was the best. Again, thank God for my friend. I pray that 2012 is better. In fact, I think I will make it better myself. I refuse to wait for it to happen.

Just getting some things off of my chest...

I'm so sorry this has all came to happen. Trust me to say,,Your KIDS all will learn through their growing what damage HE DID TO YOU and THEM,,through his selfish egotistical mid-life-crisis he MADE HAPPEN THERE..
I have three Kids,,two I raised as their Father but was really only their step-father,,one who was my making..My step-daughter has had many issues with depression and being Bi-Polar..This year at 30 years old,,she has turned away from me being her dad..She has two daughters through her marriage and it is the two of them,,who shall be most hurt through her actions of dis-may and confusions. I refused to pamper her attempts of false lies of her saying I always put her down,,when I lived to put my two boys aside to try and build her low esteem of her self ,,(in HER mind) Many attempts of suicide, and a life of counseling, still she acts and does what SHE wants to do,,including drugs,,and wants to blame the world for everything she refuses to WANT to be or do,,so she makes life FIT her reasons to DO..And this year,,I can't set-back and watch her self destruct, twisting her life and her growing,,into un-truths and make-up lies,,as to how she was raised..I and my boys know the care and love she received while growing..I have lived for her life to be as GREAT as it could be for her,,but her real dad took his life when she was 15, and thats been much of her issues inside to deal with..
I Hope and Pray your New Year,,will allow you to know that the time you gave,,was a better time for your kids to have you in their lives,,and his actions were wrong to do..In time,,the kids will know that all to...
Sometimes we just need to STOP trying,,and allow THEM (whoever them might be)to NOT have US anymore to Abuse through their hurtful ways to treat us...No ONE ever needs to STAY in an abusive relationship..EVEN IF THAT IS A WIFE OR HUSBAND, SON OR DAUGHTER, MOM OR DAD...Life is to short LIVED,,to be pulled back,,and DOWN to the level THEY FEEL BEST IN...
Good Luck with your NEW LIFE,,and YOUR RIGHT..Sometimes,,most times,,ITS WE,,who need to ACT to MAKE POSITIVE CHANGES HAPPEN IN OUR WORLD..May God keep you in his Light and lead your ways to be..

Today when I woke up I was so depressed. Then I read your post. Then I received an email from someone here who has been thru so much and just wanted to talk to me to make sure that I was ok.

I want to say to you that I appreciate what you have said here. I have listened. I know that I am a good woman, a good mother and a good friend. I will get past this and it will only make me stronger.

I cannot tell you how much your words have meant to me today.

Love Mary

Mary,,,Many don't and won't feel THIS statement here,,but,,words are seen and read,,when they ARE THERE.
For a far greater reason than what they may have been written for or about..
SO in other words,,OUR WORDS SHARED here today,,,,SHARED US,,,as their means to help EACH OTHER,,,know life and each others HEARTS..
WE may never know the ALL here who also have been,,lifted or changed through OUR words to each other,,,but on thing I have come to realize as a FACT....WE TALKED,,because IT WAS MEANT TO HAPPEN....
I feel blessed that I said even one word to you,,,,that allowed YOU to feel better THROUGH ITS USE...Thank YOU for sharing this time,,and NOW,,this experience with me HERE today. So the World can smile with our own.....

Merry Christmas, Terry.

Hugs ((iam4u)) ((mary1230)). I hope the new year is better for both of you

Thanks Liz,,and life has its way of always turning to a better page for us to read from...
I hope you have a great weekend and a GREAT New Year..
Please be safe and watch out for all the drunks behind their wheels then....God bless and truly,,thanks,,for being YOU!

So Christmas has passed. Belly is full. Good food with my best friend and her family. Good sentiments from the amazing people who have helped me get thru today. Thank you to all of you on this site who have reached out to me to comfort me at this time in my life.

I really appreciate what you have done today.

I wish you all a wonderful new year.

Mary

Sometimes people just call friedships ALL THAT,,then they fk with your HEAD,,,KNOWINGLY,,WANTINGLY,,and SPITEFULLY WITH A DUMBNESS IN ACTIONS AS TO ,,,WHAT??? I HAD NO IDEA? HE'S JUST CRAZY?
NO I BELIEVE IN PEOPLE AND FRIENDSHIPS TO DAMN MUCH!

WHEN a fried is HURTING and ASKING WHAT IS UP?

The other doesn't send that around to their friends to laugh at and about,,IT was clear my pain and my asking WHAT'S UP,,an answer would have simplified that whole process ya THINK?

Friends made into jokes,,,jokes made into friends..

I'm so sad you are feeling down Terry . And Mary...I was there. It's a hard long walk up the divorce road; but it will be a better life for you AND your children will learn in time. Big hugs to both of you and God Bless.

I'm afraid I dont understand your post....

when youre in this type of situation, you think that youre in it alone, no one understands. you think how can anyone go thru this? then people come to you and say I understand, I've been there, you feel that you are not alone. you can get thru this because they are living proof that life does get better. I know my kids will regret this. I only hope that they learn that this is not how to treat the one that you love. I hope that they learn what not to do in a marriage. I was a good mom and dad. even when my husband was there, he wasnt there. the kids will come around. i'm not being selfish, i'm just realizing that its time for me to live.

thank you for your thoughts :)

It was for someone who had emailed me Mary,,I'm sorry,,THIS has nothing to do with you or anyone here in this post,,,lol,,just a moment I was going through....I had to shuffle my thoughts around and get a grip on right and wrong,,lol,,ITS all good,,,now....