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Topic: Can friendship last after the love is gone?.
skywisper Joined Mon 03/21/11 Posts: 1213	Mon 12/12/11 08:34 AM
Can people really be friends after a bad break up in a long relationship?.I used to think so until lately,its hard to be friends with some one you can no longer trust.Martin

happymuse Joined Mon 12/05/11 Posts: 9	Mon 12/12/11 08:49 AM
I think the question you may have is the trust...if you do not trust someone can they really be your friend. Regardless of what kind of past you shared, bad or good...little or big...long or short, I would make sure if someone was going to be my friend, I could atleast trust them. I hope this helps. SMILES!

Leviathan64 Joined Mon 12/12/11 Posts: 1	Mon 12/12/11 09:21 AM
In my situation I can say yes. My wife and I was married for 15 years and we are still very close friends. I am grateful because it helped my girls adjust to the split up.

Sneaksintoyourheart Joined Fri 10/16/09 Posts: 19261	Mon 12/12/11 09:25 AM
some can some can't as for me it has happen was with my ex bf of 10yrs n still this day we still keep in touch now an then even though he in another state now but we still are friends been through a lot over those yrs together so i think that is why we can still stay friends

skywisper Joined Mon 03/21/11 Posts: 1213	Mon 12/12/11 09:33 AM
I have a hard time with the fact she calls me her friend and yet hides me all the time she doesnt want her friends or family to know that we even speak.I'm sure it has some thing to do with her not wanting her new guy finding out.I just hate having to make an apointment just to talk to her.I just need to get away from her all together i guess & be done with it.

prashant01 Joined Wed 05/06/09 Posts: 14148	Mon 12/12/11 09:35 AM
No one departs for fun. It hurts somehow. No one generally like to remember & repeat those sad moments for which they departed. If they can still remain as friend,they shall perhaps think living together again.

skywisper Joined Mon 03/21/11 Posts: 1213	Mon 12/12/11 09:47 AM
My bigest problem is this girl left me for money,we had a perfect relationship until that.but the problem is she was not only the love of my life but my one and only true best friend.I have no other friends to turn too so i end up turning to her,im slowly starting to learn that you cant take the problem to the sorce of the problem.

TxsGal3333 Joined Tue 09/05/06 Posts: 76393	Mon 12/12/11 10:14 AM
I think the question you may have is the trust...if you do not trust someone can they really be your friend. Regardless of what kind of past you shared, bad or good...little or big...long or short, I would make sure if someone was going to be my friend, I could atleast trust them. I hope this helps. SMILES! Ditto..........regardless who they are if I can not trust them they are not a friend in my book... As far as friends with those in a past relationship I will be civil with them but I will not have them as a so called close friend...

ujGearhead Joined Wed 10/10/07 Posts: 6612	Mon 12/12/11 10:19 AM
Can people really be friends after a bad break up in a long relationship?.I used to think so until lately,its hard to be friends with some one you can no longer trust.Martin That's really something that's on a case by case basis. Most of my relationships have averaged around 2-3 years, but I'm still good friends with a large percentage of all the people I've ever dated (even ones with bad break ups that were largely my fault) and several I still talk to regularly only as good friends (they now live too far away to be customers, lol). Even going back 20+ years, quite a few (along with some of their family members, kids and husbands/bf's.....) are regular customers of mine. One of which, who still brings her cars to me, I was invited to both of her weddings (and met somebody at the 2nd one who I ended up being with for 12 years!). Just recently, one girl who I dated back in high school, she recommended her father to me as a customer and he's now a regular. I can go on and on with my examples. I bring up the customer thing (besides for friends) cause I work on cars for living and well, there gotta be a bit of trust there since I essentially hold their life in my hands (as well as a bit chunk of $).... There's also some who come to ME for relationship advice (go figure) and others who ask me to 'research' potential b/fs. Keep in mind that in all cases it was mutually agreed that getting back into a relationship was NOT gonna happen (I don't do do-overs). So, absolutely yes, it's possible to remain friends after a bad break-up. Trusting as a bf/gf is much different than trusting as a friend.

msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Mon 12/12/11 10:42 AM
Can people really be friends after a bad break up in a long relationship?.I used to think so until lately,its hard to be friends with some one you can no longer trust.Martin That's really something that's on a case by case basis. Most of my relationships have averaged around 2-3 years, but I'm still good friends with a large percentage of all the people I've ever dated (even ones with bad break ups that were largely my fault) and several I still talk to regularly only as good friends (they now live too far away to be customers, lol). Even going back 20+ years, quite a few (along with some of their family members, kids and husbands/bf's.....) are regular customers of mine. One of which, who still brings her cars to me, I was invited to both of her weddings (and met somebody at the 2nd one who I ended up being with for 12 years!). Just recently, one girl who I dated back in high school, she recommended her father to me as a customer and he's now a regular. I can go on and on with my examples. I bring up the customer thing (besides for friends) cause I work on cars for living and well, there gotta be a bit of trust there since I essentially hold their life in my hands (as well as a bit chunk of $).... There's also some who come to ME for relationship advice (go figure) and others who ask me to 'research' potential b/fs. Keep in mind that in all cases it was mutually agreed that getting back into a relationship was NOT gonna happen (I don't do do-overs). So, absolutely yes, it's possible to remain friends after a bad break-up. Trusting as a bf/gf is much different than trusting as a friend. this^ sometimes the feelings just dont ,, EVOLVE to whats needed to maintain a romance, but they are just right for a friendship,,,

Sneaksintoyourheart Joined Fri 10/16/09 Posts: 19261	Mon 12/12/11 11:27 AM
I have a hard time with the fact she calls me her friend and yet hides me all the time she doesnt want her friends or family to know that we even speak.I'm sure it has some thing to do with her not wanting her new guy finding out.I just hate having to make an apointment just to talk to her.I just need to get away from her all together i guess & be done with it. well u know ur answer there if she hides u from her friends an family then why hang on to her friendship even if its just friendship i would never hide someone from my friends or family i admit my family hated my ex still do but i don't hide the fact that we still talk now an then an keep in touch like i said some can some can't

skywisper Joined Mon 03/21/11 Posts: 1213	Mon 12/12/11 12:02 PM
I have a hard time with the fact she calls me her friend and yet hides me all the time she doesnt want her friends or family to know that we even speak.I'm sure it has some thing to do with her not wanting her new guy finding out.I just hate having to make an apointment just to talk to her.I just need to get away from her all together i guess & be done with it. well u know ur answer there if she hides u from her friends an family then why hang on to her friendship even if its just friendship i would never hide someone from my friends or family i admit my family hated my ex still do but i don't hide the fact that we still talk now an then an keep in touch like i said some can some can't I feel the same way in that fact and many other cases wher she shows that she's not a friend.I'm over losing the love but to take are friendship away kills me inside,as a friend i would give up my own life to save hers.Now days im thinking of sneaking off if something bad comes along lol.I told her once long ago i am the lion that walks beside you in danger now those words mean nothing to her.

skywisper Joined Mon 03/21/11 Posts: 1213	Mon 12/12/11 12:05 PM
Can people really be friends after a bad break up in a long relationship?.I used to think so until lately,its hard to be friends with some one you can no longer trust.Martin That's really something that's on a case by case basis. Most of my relationships have averaged around 2-3 years, but I'm still good friends with a large percentage of all the people I've ever dated (even ones with bad break ups that were largely my fault) and several I still talk to regularly only as good friends (they now live too far away to be customers, lol). Even going back 20+ years, quite a few (along with some of their family members, kids and husbands/bf's.....) are regular customers of mine. One of which, who still brings her cars to me, I was invited to both of her weddings (and met somebody at the 2nd one who I ended up being with for 12 years!). Just recently, one girl who I dated back in high school, she recommended her father to me as a customer and he's now a regular. I can go on and on with my examples. I bring up the customer thing (besides for friends) cause I work on cars for living and well, there gotta be a bit of trust there since I essentially hold their life in my hands (as well as a bit chunk of $).... There's also some who come to ME for relationship advice (go figure) and others who ask me to 'research' potential b/fs. Keep in mind that in all cases it was mutually agreed that getting back into a relationship was NOT gonna happen (I don't do do-overs). So, absolutely yes, it's possible to remain friends after a bad break-up. Trusting as a bf/gf is much different than trusting as a friend. this^ sometimes the feelings just dont ,, EVOLVE to whats needed to maintain a romance, but they are just right for a friendship,,, I'm afraid thats not the case here the word friend to her is just that a word.

pyxxie13 Joined Wed 09/28/11 Posts: 3835	Mon 12/12/11 12:13 PM
Friendship goes both ways. Maybe she isn't the friend you hoped she would be. There are lots of people out there..find one who values you. Trust is a big issue as well..so I agree with a lot of posts here. Good luck hun.

Sneaksintoyourheart Joined Fri 10/16/09 Posts: 19261	Mon 12/12/11 12:14 PM
I have a hard time with the fact she calls me her friend and yet hides me all the time she doesnt want her friends or family to know that we even speak.I'm sure it has some thing to do with her not wanting her new guy finding out.I just hate having to make an apointment just to talk to her.I just need to get away from her all together i guess & be done with it. well u know ur answer there if she hides u from her friends an family then why hang on to her friendship even if its just friendship i would never hide someone from my friends or family i admit my family hated my ex still do but i don't hide the fact that we still talk now an then an keep in touch like i said some can some can't I feel the same way in that fact and many other cases wher she shows that she's not a friend.I'm over losing the love but to take are friendship away kills me inside,as a friend i would give up my own life to save hers.Now days im thinking of sneaking off if something bad comes along lol.I told her once long ago i am the lion that walks beside you in danger now those words mean nothing to her. its hard i had another friend on here i met about 3 yrs ago that lived in NC we used to talk an text every day did try the ldr for while but ended up friends last yr he started talking to someone new an she now living with him he said he would do anything for me cause he was a good friend but once he stop talking an text i had to let his friendship go like i said before some can some can't i guess its just what you the person will make it out too be.. (hope my comments make sense i been told in the past that they sometimes don't or that they can be annoying but i try to help my friends no matter what lol)

ujGearhead Joined Wed 10/10/07 Posts: 6612	Mon 12/12/11 12:39 PM
Can people really be friends after a bad break up in a long relationship?.I used to think so until lately,its hard to be friends with some one you can no longer trust.Martin That's really something that's on a case by case basis. Most of my relationships have averaged around 2-3 years, but I'm still good friends with a large percentage of all the people I've ever dated (even ones with bad break ups that were largely my fault) and several I still talk to regularly only as good friends (they now live too far away to be customers, lol). Even going back 20+ years, quite a few (along with some of their family members, kids and husbands/bf's.....) are regular customers of mine. One of which, who still brings her cars to me, I was invited to both of her weddings (and met somebody at the 2nd one who I ended up being with for 12 years!). Just recently, one girl who I dated back in high school, she recommended her father to me as a customer and he's now a regular. I can go on and on with my examples. I bring up the customer thing (besides for friends) cause I work on cars for living and well, there gotta be a bit of trust there since I essentially hold their life in my hands (as well as a bit chunk of $).... There's also some who come to ME for relationship advice (go figure) and others who ask me to 'research' potential b/fs. Keep in mind that in all cases it was mutually agreed that getting back into a relationship was NOT gonna happen (I don't do do-overs). So, absolutely yes, it's possible to remain friends after a bad break-up. Trusting as a bf/gf is much different than trusting as a friend. this^ sometimes the feelings just dont ,, EVOLVE to whats needed to maintain a romance, but they are just right for a friendship,,, Not only that, but there's a whole different 'level' involved with a relationship. A much higher standard per say. For instance, if your partner lives with you and you can't trust them with flushing the toilet , well, not too good.... Just a FRIEND on the other hand, can be a great friend (as long as you keep them out of your bathroom). Been there, done that... Somebody as your gf/bf you might no longer trust if you leave your credit cards laying on the night stand (also been there.....). Doesn't mean they can't be a good friend (if you keep them away from your $....). If you can't trust them to keep their pants on (yep, know all about that), can still be an excellent friend (the status of your friends zipper should be MUCH less significant).

skywisper Joined Mon 03/21/11 Posts: 1213	Mon 12/12/11 01:38 PM
Can people really be friends after a bad break up in a long relationship?.I used to think so until lately,its hard to be friends with some one you can no longer trust.Martin That's really something that's on a case by case basis. Most of my relationships have averaged around 2-3 years, but I'm still good friends with a large percentage of all the people I've ever dated (even ones with bad break ups that were largely my fault) and several I still talk to regularly only as good friends (they now live too far away to be customers, lol). Even going back 20+ years, quite a few (along with some of their family members, kids and husbands/bf's.....) are regular customers of mine. One of which, who still brings her cars to me, I was invited to both of her weddings (and met somebody at the 2nd one who I ended up being with for 12 years!). Just recently, one girl who I dated back in high school, she recommended her father to me as a customer and he's now a regular. I can go on and on with my examples. I bring up the customer thing (besides for friends) cause I work on cars for living and well, there gotta be a bit of trust there since I essentially hold their life in my hands (as well as a bit chunk of $).... There's also some who come to ME for relationship advice (go figure) and others who ask me to 'research' potential b/fs. Keep in mind that in all cases it was mutually agreed that getting back into a relationship was NOT gonna happen (I don't do do-overs). So, absolutely yes, it's possible to remain friends after a bad break-up. Trusting as a bf/gf is much different than trusting as a friend. this^ sometimes the feelings just dont ,, EVOLVE to whats needed to maintain a romance, but they are just right for a friendship,,, Not only that, but there's a whole different 'level' involved with a relationship. A much higher standard per say. For instance, if your partner lives with you and you can't trust them with flushing the toilet , well, not too good.... Just a FRIEND on the other hand, can be a great friend (as long as you keep them out of your bathroom). Been there, done that... Somebody as your gf/bf you might no longer trust if you leave your credit cards laying on the night stand (also been there.....). Doesn't mean they can't be a good friend (if you keep them away from your $....). If you can't trust them to keep their pants on (yep, know all about that), can still be an excellent friend (the status of your friends zipper should be MUCH less significant). Owell thats where the trust thing started going down hill to begain with is when she let some rich guy start opening that zipper lol.The thing is i know this girl she would stop what she's doing and drive 500 miles no question to be with a friend in need.I can be in trouble and i cant keep her on the phone 5 min to liston much less drive even 30 miles to come to my add.We had a wonderful 5 year thing going until money bags came along lol.I cant blam him though,its funny what money does to people lol.

skywisper Joined Mon 03/21/11 Posts: 1213	Mon 12/12/11 01:39 PM
Friendship goes both ways. Maybe she isn't the friend you hoped she would be. There are lots of people out there..find one who values you. Trust is a big issue as well..so I agree with a lot of posts here. Good luck hun. Thank you

oldhippie1952 Joined Mon 03/14/11 Posts: 22693	Mon 12/12/11 01:52 PM
Can people really be friends after a bad break up in a long relationship?.I used to think so until lately,its hard to be friends with some one you can no longer trust.Martin Yes they can once the feelings die down.

Simonedemidova Joined Mon 11/15/10 Posts: 8952	Mon 12/12/11 02:20 PM
My bigest problem is this girl left me for money,we had a perfect relationship until that.but the problem is she was not only the love of my life but my one and only true best friend.I have no other friends to turn too so i end up turning to her,im slowly starting to learn that you cant take the problem to the sorce of the problem. I think there is definitely friends after love depending on the couple. If you are hurt by her decision and have trust issues, than why be her friend, as far as this post here I quoted, you say you dont have any other friends, isnt that a little weird? Maybe you should get some friends and not be so reliant on her, perhaps, you are more dependant to her which could be confusing your emotions somewhat. Do you think you would feel the same way about her if you had a group of friends to replace her with? Did you lose your friends during the long term relationship with her? I ask because that happened to me once after 5 years of dating/living with a guy, i ended up with no friends, when I had started out with many. Just curious.