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| Topic: Can friendship last after the love is gone?. | |
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Sure ya can. You can even remarry them if you so desire. My ex used to tell me, "You have nobody to blame but yourself." After the second divorce I had to admit she was right. There was no third marriage to her. But then I added her to my friend's list on Facebook just in case I feel like getting suicidal, again.
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My bigest problem is this girl left me for money,we had a perfect relationship until that.but the problem is she was not only the love of my life but my one and only true best friend.I have no other friends to turn too so i end up turning to her,im slowly starting to learn that you cant take the problem to the sorce of the problem. I think there is definitely friends after love depending on the couple. If you are hurt by her decision and have trust issues, than why be her friend, as far as this post here I quoted, you say you dont have any other friends, isnt that a little weird? Maybe you should get some friends and not be so reliant on her, perhaps, you are more dependant to her which could be confusing your emotions somewhat. Do you think you would feel the same way about her if you had a group of friends to replace her with? Did you lose your friends during the long term relationship with her? I ask because that happened to me once after 5 years of dating/living with a guy, i ended up with no friends, when I had started out with many. Just curious. |
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In my opinion (because that's all I have really otherwise it'd be someone else) I believe two people who loved each other can be great friends. My ex wife and I are best friends even after been separated and divorced for over 4 years. Relations may end but the friendship that was once there can become strong once again.
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YES,,and No...
I was friends with an ex of 16 years together,,and split now for about 13,,and we were still friends until she remariied,,and her present husband is very jealous so we have not skoen for many months and may never again?,,But the friendship,,was there for 12 years anyway,,and my first or only other ex,,she and I are still friends and speak whenever are paths cross,,on FB or in life,,and she's been remarried for many years and her husband and I are also now friends? As for ex relationships where we didn't marry. Over half are still my friends if not 80 percent of them.. So it all depends on the anger within both and how long they wish to carry that,,no-matter who was at fault in the break-up? SOME,,will not ever tell their truth as for what others might think,,so we stay,,not speaking,,,,lol,,and I have always been easy going and never carry anger very long..so its easy for me to forgive and move on,,but its not easy for many others to feel this way? Many people carry their hate ,,and MOST of them that I know,,are guys,,,because of child support,,THEY stay angered,,and use that as their venting against their ex,,OR,,they don't pay their child support and use THAT as their way of an excuse to not see HER or THEIR KIDS,,,,,grrrrrrr. This is one of those questions that can't be a perfect answer to,,because we all are different for different reasons.. |
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Can people really be friends after a bad break up in a long relationship?.I used to think so until lately,its hard to be friends with some one you can no longer trust.Martin Even friendships have desired dynamics to them. Usually, trust remains one of those dynamics. |
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I guess i need to just let it go as much as it hurts im just a fair wethered friend to her if i were some how to get in the way of here and her rich boy friend she would turn on me in a heart bet.She would tell people she never even met me before.If people in here group were to laugh at me she would also laugh.If i were hanging on the side of a cliff and her boy friend said leave she would let me fall to my death.This hurts me to no end for i have known this person for 20 years plus a 5 year relationship but i never thought it would come to this.Martin
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Can people really be friends after a bad break up in a long relationship?.I used to think so until lately,its hard to be friends with some one you can no longer trust.Martin That's really something that's on a case by case basis. Most of my relationships have averaged around 2-3 years, but I'm still good friends with a large percentage of all the people I've ever dated (even ones with bad break ups that were largely my fault) and several I still talk to regularly only as good friends (they now live too far away to be customers, lol). Even going back 20+ years, quite a few (along with some of their family members, kids and husbands/bf's.....) are regular customers of mine. One of which, who still brings her cars to me, I was invited to both of her weddings (and met somebody at the 2nd one who I ended up being with for 12 years!). Just recently, one girl who I dated back in high school, she recommended her father to me as a customer and he's now a regular. I can go on and on with my examples. I bring up the customer thing (besides for friends) cause I work on cars for living and well, there gotta be a bit of trust there since I essentially hold their life in my hands (as well as a bit chunk of $).... There's also some who come to ME for relationship advice (go figure) and others who ask me to 'research' potential b/fs. Keep in mind that in all cases it was mutually agreed that getting back into a relationship was NOT gonna happen (I don't do do-overs). So, absolutely yes, it's possible to remain friends after a bad break-up. Trusting as a bf/gf is much different than trusting as a friend. this^ sometimes the feelings just dont ,, EVOLVE to whats needed to maintain a romance, but they are just right for a friendship,,, Not only that, but there's a whole different 'level' involved with a relationship. A much higher standard per say. For instance, if your partner lives with you and you can't trust them with flushing the toilet  , well, not too good.... Just a FRIEND on the other hand, can be a great friend (as long as you keep them out of your bathroom). Been there, done that... Somebody as your gf/bf you might no longer trust if you leave your credit cards laying on the night stand (also been there.....). Doesn't mean they can't be a good friend (if you keep them away from your $....). If you can't trust them to keep their pants on (yep, know all about that), can still be an excellent friend (the status of your friends zipper should be MUCH less significant). Money means different things to different people. To some people money means everything. To others it means nothing at all. Some people wont even talk to you if you don't own a mansion and drive nothing less than a 2011 Lamborghini. Some don't care if your sole mode of transportation is a skateboard to pick up a welfare check and go back to your room at the YMCA. Everybody has their own priorities. Sometimes money being one of them. I've been in the automotive repair profession my whole adult life (not exactly one you get into to become rich!). Sure, I got a college degree when I was 20, became a certified master technician when I was 23, I've owned my home since I was 26 and have accumulated some toys over the years (classic Camaros, Trans Am, Corvette, Chevelle, etc, motorcycles (albeit, all now in different stages of roadworthy)..... roomfull of guitars, amps etc, you name it) it's made no difference in my relationships. I like toys! Even though I'm WAY better off financially than my last several gf's (maybe all of them), money has never been a factor in my relationships. I've never been one to spend much on my g/f either. Yeah, I can be a cheap a$$ sometimes when it comes to 'throwing away money'. $60 for flowers that are wormfood in a week? GEEZ! I'd rather spend all day making something 'special and thought out' or building a car for her..... |
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I guess i need to just let it go as much as it hurts im just a fair wethered friend to her if i were some how to get in the way of here and her rich boy friend she would turn on me in a heart bet.She would tell people she never even met me before.If people in here group were to laugh at me she would also laugh.If i were hanging on the side of a cliff and her boy friend said leave she would let me fall to my death.This hurts me to no end for i have known this person for 20 years plus a 5 year relationship but i never thought it would come to this.Martin |
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Edited by
sweetestgirl11
on
Mon 12/12/11 06:59 PM
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nah
not really not if the break up is bad if it was amicable - ya sure - there are a couple of my exes I'd love to party w/ again |
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My bigest problem is this girl left me for money,we had a perfect relationship until that.but the problem is she was not only the love of my life but my one and only true best friend.I have no other friends to turn too so i end up turning to her,im slowly starting to learn that you cant take the problem to the sorce of the problem. I think there is definitely friends after love depending on the couple. If you are hurt by her decision and have trust issues, than why be her friend, as far as this post here I quoted, you say you dont have any other friends, isnt that a little weird? Maybe you should get some friends and not be so reliant on her, perhaps, you are more dependant to her which could be confusing your emotions somewhat. Do you think you would feel the same way about her if you had a group of friends to replace her with? Did you lose your friends during the long term relationship with her? I ask because that happened to me once after 5 years of dating/living with a guy, i ended up with no friends, when I had started out with many. Just curious. And dang it, sounds like you need to move to a safer neighborhood, haha. I have one ex who i have been friends with forever, and i know we will always be friends, even through dry periods where we dont talk, somehow life always brings us back together. Not as lovers but as friends. |
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ya I have an ex who it would be cool to talk to but he was totally like - if I can't have the kind of relationship I want then I don't want one with u (me) at all
except for that attitude we'd be freinds - at the same time I understand because I really do not put up with guys who wanna have their cake & eat it too |
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My bigest problem is this girl left me for money,we had a perfect relationship until that.but the problem is she was not only the love of my life but my one and only true best friend.I have no other friends to turn too so i end up turning to her,im slowly starting to learn that you cant take the problem to the sorce of the problem. I think there is definitely friends after love depending on the couple. If you are hurt by her decision and have trust issues, than why be her friend, as far as this post here I quoted, you say you dont have any other friends, isnt that a little weird? Maybe you should get some friends and not be so reliant on her, perhaps, you are more dependant to her which could be confusing your emotions somewhat. Do you think you would feel the same way about her if you had a group of friends to replace her with? Did you lose your friends during the long term relationship with her? I ask because that happened to me once after 5 years of dating/living with a guy, i ended up with no friends, when I had started out with many. Just curious. And dang it, sounds like you need to move to a safer neighborhood, haha. That stuff can also happen in safe neighborhoods. I've lived in the same neighborhood pretty much my whole life and practically the biggest crime is somebody stealing your aluminum ladder for scrap (and generally, quickly narrowed down to 2-3 people who don't much fight it). At the same time, my Mom doesn't know 1/1000th of what I was up to in my younger years and told me LONG ago that if I was a cat my 9 lives woulda been gone MANY cat years ago..... Over the years, I've lost 100's of friends before their time from just about anything you can name. During my junior and senior high school years alone, I had no less than a dozen friends die. Most in car/bike accidents. Soon out of school, I remember one friend drowning in the river about 500 yards from my house. His dog fell out of the boat and he jumped in to save her. The dog lived..... Not even a month later, his best friend (and also a friend of mine) drowned in the exact same place swimming. 2 years after that another friend (who also knew the last two people) was murdered by her husband. He was drunk, beat her to a pulp, tied her up in the basement with extension cords and left to die. Her body wasn't found till days later..... Another died of AIDS, but we all kinda saw that coming.... Not long after that (and somebody who knew him) killed himself in back of the garage I worked at with a hose on the tailpipe of his van. I was not even 12 hours too late to catch him.... The owner of the garage (and a VERY good friend) died about 2 years later of a heart attack at 38 (not long after I left to go full-time with my business)..... His father,original proprietor of his son's business and also a good friend died of a heart attack soon after that. I WAS their business when I quit and they all begged me to come back. Years later, still wonder if it was my parting that did them in.... Skipping MANY years (and just as many similar stories)..... Somebody who was a very good friend died of "unknown causes" a few years ago and was found in his house not too long after a 'falling out' we had. I don't doubt OD. Another good friend died of a heart attack (was only 55) a year ago. I was right there as he was wheeled out of his house, blue and unresponsive, with another a friend (a paramedic) beating on his chest. 2 months ago, his brother and a life-long friend was rushed via ambulance for a heart attack (he's 39....). Luckily, he's still alive. Another good friend of about 15 years died this spring of cancer. He was only 51. This is only a VERY SMALL example of the death I've been around and has little to do with where you're from. |
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My bigest problem is this girl left me for money,we had a perfect relationship until that.but the problem is she was not only the love of my life but my one and only true best friend.I have no other friends to turn too so i end up turning to her,im slowly starting to learn that you cant take the problem to the sorce of the problem. I think there is definitely friends after love depending on the couple. If you are hurt by her decision and have trust issues, than why be her friend, as far as this post here I quoted, you say you dont have any other friends, isnt that a little weird? Maybe you should get some friends and not be so reliant on her, perhaps, you are more dependant to her which could be confusing your emotions somewhat. Do you think you would feel the same way about her if you had a group of friends to replace her with? Did you lose your friends during the long term relationship with her? I ask because that happened to me once after 5 years of dating/living with a guy, i ended up with no friends, when I had started out with many. Just curious. And dang it, sounds like you need to move to a safer neighborhood, haha. That stuff can also happen in safe neighborhoods. I've lived in the same neighborhood pretty much my whole life and practically the biggest crime is somebody stealing your aluminum ladder for scrap (and generally, quickly narrowed down to 2-3 people who don't much fight it). At the same time, my Mom doesn't know 1/1000th of what I was up to in my younger years and told me LONG ago that if I was a cat my 9 lives woulda been gone MANY cat years ago..... Over the years, I've lost 100's of friends before their time from just about anything you can name. During my junior and senior high school years alone, I had no less than a dozen friends die. Most in car/bike accidents. Soon out of school, I remember one friend drowning in the river about 500 yards from my house. His dog fell out of the boat and he jumped in to save her. The dog lived..... Not even a month later, his best friend (and also a friend of mine) drowned in the exact same place swimming. 2 years after that another friend (who also knew the last two people) was murdered by her husband. He was drunk, beat her to a pulp, tied her up in the basement with extension cords and left to die. Her body wasn't found till days later..... Another died of AIDS, but we all kinda saw that coming.... Not long after that (and somebody who knew him) killed himself in back of the garage I worked at with a hose on the tailpipe of his van. I was not even 12 hours too late to catch him.... The owner of the garage (and a VERY good friend) died about 2 years later of a heart attack at 38 (not long after I left to go full-time with my business)..... His father,original proprietor of his son's business and also a good friend died of a heart attack soon after that. I WAS their business when I quit and they all begged me to come back. Years later, still wonder if it was my parting that did them in.... Skipping MANY years (and just as many similar stories)..... Somebody who was a very good friend died of "unknown causes" a few years ago and was found in his house not too long after a 'falling out' we had. I don't doubt OD. Another good friend died of a heart attack (was only 55) a year ago. I was right there as he was wheeled out of his house, blue and unresponsive, with another a friend (a paramedic) beating on his chest. 2 months ago, his brother and a life-long friend was rushed via ambulance for a heart attack (he's 39....). Luckily, he's still alive. Another good friend of about 15 years died this spring of cancer. He was only 51. This is only a VERY SMALL example of the death I've been around and has little to do with where you're from. |
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Well, for me, its possible, almost all my ex r still friends one way or d other.. I learn 2giv & ironically, i am freer wit d ones who hurt me dan d ones i hurt.. Gues, its just an experienc 2me.. Learning to deal with hurt face 2 face but yet.. I set uncrossable boundaries.. So why not!
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Well thats great for you but it does nohing for me.
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I usually would just call it a truce and recommend staying buddies, but i'd have to make sure i was rid of any feelings i still had for them, before being buddies with them. The only thing us, i'd have an issue with it, if the ex continued to hold a grudge. Why not just make it easier for all involved and forgive and forget? I'm not one who goes back for more. That would be crying wolf. I just like to call it a truce. For peace of mind. I don't think i could let myself die until i was sure i'd forgiven everyone.
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hi friend
dont be so sad believe me and if the trust is breaked down its like aglass never back as original,and u have to defferentiat between friendship and love.as friendship there is alot of people lost this relation due to money.they dont know whats going on tomorrow?may be they got sick and cant enjoy the money?what i mean is u have to look for your love and to find agirl that she loves u as aperson what ever your financial situation,ti feel of her and she have to feel of u even if u sick or rich or poor,. |
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My answer...
No ...I base that on your use of the term "Bad break up" Sky. I will bet my dog that you value the ideals of that failed relationship more than she does. Sorry to be so blunt and honest...but, I ain't known for delicate diplomacy. Also... I gotta call "Bullschitt" on the ..." I have no other friends to turn too" You got actual people right here who do care and are willing to spend thier time with you on this issue. None of us have left you Homeboy. Making friends here is every bit as real as any friend you can make anywhere. Consider trying not to beat yourself up on the fact that she went for the greener grass and cast you aside. It blows...trust me...I understand completely. The heart wants what the heart wants...but a one sided love will only hurt one person...the other one won't give a damned until it is conveient. I need to take you out catting and get you out of the damned house. There is a who world full of potential love and friends out there. Staring at the walls and yearning for a memory ain't gonna change anything for you my good man. Bet, you are beginning to regret that friends request now.... hehehehehe So....chin up Trooper! We gotta buckle up...storm the beaches and raid the foxholes! |
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I was with mine 20 years. You cannot flush 20 years of friends, people who you have mutually had born and die in your lives, and 20 years if you are ME of inside jokes. I do not hang with him. He know longer has the keys to the condo. But I do not burn bridges make of steel. I only have one other ex that I do cherish because he taught me self defense and about weapons and he literally by doing that HAS SAVED MY LIFE. We do not communicate by I do know where he is. Every time something he taught me saves me, I send him a letter saying, "DEAR WARREN, MY BEST TO YOUR WIFE AND DAUGHTERS. JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT SUCH AND SUCH YOU TAUGHT ME SAVED ME AGAIN (THEN WHAT HAPPENED) AND WANTED TO THANK YOU. MY LOVE TO YOUR FAMILY"
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Can people really be friends after a bad break up in a long relationship?.I used to think so until lately,its hard to be friends with some one you can no longer trust.Martin Sometimes it can... 
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