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| Topic: What the H do woman really want? | |
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Oh I call bull. Its got nothing do with a guy being nice; not all men are direct; just like not all women are nuturing. That is a generalization. Notice that "nice guys" is in quotation marks. Nice guy in this case means what I defined it as "[men] who desire to please you so much that they annoy you". I didn't say that all men are direct, many men are raised to view their own desires as bad or wrong. Some men are raised to view being "male" as being a bad thing. Those are the "nice guys", who are so common today. This is because they are raised by their mothers and don't spend much time with their father, even when the father lives in the same house hold. They lack the necessary role model of a man in their lives, so they learn that being "male" is bad or wrong. Usually these "nice guys" feel neglected or unwanted, so they search for ways to be needed. When they become adults, they think that they have to constantly give to their mate, because they don't see themselves as worthy of love. While all "nice guys" are men, not all men are "nice guys". Many men are direct about what they want and draw boundaries in their relationships. Some of these men are actually nice and do good things for their mate out of love, not out of fear of being abandoned. It's actually a huge can of worms and I've only scratched the surface. |
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I have always heard woman saying how they want a nice guy who will love them the way they are and bla bla bla. I just don't get it. For example a guy cooks, cleans, works, pays bills, washes cloths, takes care of kids, wants to spend all his time with her, even takes care of he kids from other baby daddis, fixes her car, etc etc etc. On top of that he is decent looking, good in bed, and affectionate. What the H more could a woman ask for? In another thread, weren't you just saying that you wanted a woman to keep a clean house for you? So while she's doing that, you're still cleaning and cooking and washing clothes? Uh huh... ugh here we go again. reading with woman eyes again. That other post was me speaking in general, maybe you should read it again for what it says in plan english instead of turning things around or skipping every other word. Ah, I thought you were speaking for yourself, rather than in general. Sorry, my mistake. Why are woman always so fast to make men seem controling. In any relationship neither party can expect their partner to let them do anything they want. both people are going to have concerns about things and there is going to be things they are going to want them to do and not do. Now "in general" some men might not want their woman going out without them or some woman might feel this same way. Its all about pleaseing your mate. There will be things you have to do that you might not want to do, and things you much give up to make things work. Thats just the way it should work. Work together to make things work, the overall goal is to make things work together, nothing else in the world should ever get in the way of that. Friends, family etc take a back seat to this. I think a lot of people both men and woman have forgotten this today Well, I disagree that family will take a backseat to any relationship. I still believe blood is thicker than water. Ah yes, again not thinking things through enough. Blood is thicker than water, yes but how does blood become blood? You are a mix of you mother and father, you "blood" with them. But your mother and father are not blood with each other, so they much be water right? No? They are family? Blood? Hmm not making much sense around here. Case and Point, you and your bf/husband whatever are seen as water, yet in the future your kids will see it as blood. So this is how you should see it too Blood is thicker than water is just a way to say my family comes first. Fact is family will always be there for you, but you certainly can't say the same about a boyfriend or husband. |
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I have always heard woman saying how they want a nice guy who will love them the way they are and bla bla bla. I just don't get it. For example a guy cooks, cleans, works, pays bills, washes cloths, takes care of kids, wants to spend all his time with her, even takes care of he kids from other baby daddis, fixes her car, etc etc etc. On top of that he is decent looking, good in bed, and affectionate. What the H more could a woman ask for? In another thread, weren't you just saying that you wanted a woman to keep a clean house for you? So while she's doing that, you're still cleaning and cooking and washing clothes? Uh huh... ugh here we go again. reading with woman eyes again. That other post was me speaking in general, maybe you should read it again for what it says in plan english instead of turning things around or skipping every other word. Ah, I thought you were speaking for yourself, rather than in general. Sorry, my mistake. Why are woman always so fast to make men seem controling. In any relationship neither party can expect their partner to let them do anything they want. both people are going to have concerns about things and there is going to be things they are going to want them to do and not do. Now "in general" some men might not want their woman going out without them or some woman might feel this same way. Its all about pleaseing your mate. There will be things you have to do that you might not want to do, and things you much give up to make things work. Thats just the way it should work. Work together to make things work, the overall goal is to make things work together, nothing else in the world should ever get in the way of that. Friends, family etc take a back seat to this. I think a lot of people both men and woman have forgotten this today Well, I disagree that family will take a backseat to any relationship. I still believe blood is thicker than water. Ah yes, again not thinking things through enough. Blood is thicker than water, yes but how does blood become blood? You are a mix of you mother and father, you "blood" with them. But your mother and father are not blood with each other, so they much be water right? No? They are family? Blood? Hmm not making much sense around here. Case and Point, you and your bf/husband whatever are seen as water, yet in the future your kids will see it as blood. So this is how you should see it too Blood is thicker than water is just a way to say my family comes first. Fact is family will always be there for you, but you certainly can't say the same about a boyfriend or husband. I see, but how can you expect anyone to be there for you, when they do not come first in your life? |
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Oh I call bull. Its got nothing do with a guy being nice; not all men are direct; just like not all women are nuturing. That is a generalization. Notice that "nice guys" is in quotation marks. Nice guy in this case means what I defined it as "[men] who desire to please you so much that they annoy you". I didn't say that all men are direct, many men are raised to view their own desires as bad or wrong. Some men are raised to view being "male" as being a bad thing. Those are the "nice guys", who are so common today. This is because they are raised by their mothers and don't spend much time with their father, even when the father lives in the same house hold. They lack the necessary role model of a man in their lives, so they learn that being "male" is bad or wrong. Usually these "nice guys" feel neglected or unwanted, so they search for ways to be needed. When they become adults, they think that they have to constantly give to their mate, because they don't see themselves as worthy of love. While all "nice guys" are men, not all men are "nice guys". Many men are direct about what they want and draw boundaries in their relationships. Some of these men are actually nice and do good things for their mate out of love, not out of fear of being abandoned. It's actually a huge can of worms and I've only scratched the surface. We've had the "nice guy" discussion many, many, many times on here. Please don't turn this into that again. 
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Men are direct? Where in Disneyland? I don't meet men who have a clue what they want and dance around subjects so much; they could be on dancing with the stars. So, where are you getting being direct from? Men are direct, it's part of their nature. It's "maleness". Your experience is with "nice guys" who desire to please you so much that they annoy you. her: "What do you want for dinner?" him: "anything is fine with me, you pick" her: "okay, how about Chinese?" him: "Anything but Chinese, I don't like that." her: "but you said I could pick and that you would eat anything!" That doesn't have anything to do with being nice. It's just a guy being indecisive. I have no patience for men like that. Notice the fact that "nice guys" is in quotes. That should be your first clue that I'm not talking about guys who are literally nice. The second clue should be in the definition that I included in the sentence "[men] who desire to please you so much that they annoy you". What you would call indecisive is probably an overwhelming fear of abandonment that manifests itself as a refusal to make decisions, a desire to constantly please women and passive-aggressive relationship behaviors. |
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Again, I understand the "nice guy" thing. They're not nice guys. The guy in particular I'm thinking of just didn't want to make plans. He wanted someone else to do it. It had nothing to do with being a "nice guy."
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Can i just say that men really have no idea how we are supposed to act. Are we supposed to be nice and supportive? Controling alph males? bad boys? What? Who knows. Mean are simple and we can only be one way or the other. We are not like women who can change channels with moods. We are who we are day in and day out.
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She does have a point, Civic. You do come off as being very angry quite often.
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In most cases... we're not all most cases. (; |
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Can i just say that men really have no idea how we are supposed to act. Are we supposed to be nice and supportive? Controling alph males? bad boys? What? Who knows. Mean are simple and we can only be one way or the other. We are not like women who can change channels with moods. We are who we are day in and day out. Be yourself. Don't try to be who you think someone is looking for, as things won't work out. |
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She does have a point, Civic. You do come off as being very angry quite often. I am angry, im angry about a lot of things. Im angry about how my life is going, im angry about how the women i have dated have treated me, im angry that i can't seem to find anyone worth a damn anymore, and im angry becasue im angry |
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Oh I call bull. Its got nothing do with a guy being nice; not all men are direct; just like not all women are nuturing. That is a generalization. Notice that "nice guys" is in quotation marks. Nice guy in this case means what I defined it as "[men] who desire to please you so much that they annoy you". I didn't say that all men are direct, many men are raised to view their own desires as bad or wrong. Some men are raised to view being "male" as being a bad thing. Those are the "nice guys", who are so common today. This is because they are raised by their mothers and don't spend much time with their father, even when the father lives in the same house hold. They lack the necessary role model of a man in their lives, so they learn that being "male" is bad or wrong. Usually these "nice guys" feel neglected or unwanted, so they search for ways to be needed. When they become adults, they think that they have to constantly give to their mate, because they don't see themselves as worthy of love. While all "nice guys" are men, not all men are "nice guys". Many men are direct about what they want and draw boundaries in their relationships. Some of these men are actually nice and do good things for their mate out of love, not out of fear of being abandoned. It's actually a huge can of worms and I've only scratched the surface. I don't know that these men are learning that male is being wrong; I think its just adjusting to society. Parents these days don't raise their kids like back in the 50s. Our roles as male and female are no longer defined which I think is a step in the right direction. I don't know if how you are raised is a reflection of who you are as an adult though. My dad raised me to be a dumb,defenseless woman; that should be a housewife, have kids, and to obey my husband. When I became an adult; I chose for myself to be the complete opposite. If a man thinks he is not worthy of love, there are more underlying issues that not having a male role model around. So, why do you think men draw boundries when it comes to a relationship? Is it a way to protect their feelings, or to feel in control? |
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Edited by
singmesweet
on
Thu 11/10/11 09:40 PM
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She does have a point, Civic. You do come off as being very angry quite often. I am angry, im angry about a lot of things. Im angry about how my life is going, im angry about how the women i have dated have treated me, im angry that i can't seem to find anyone worth a damn anymore, and im angry becasue im angry Stop being so angry. Find things in life that you actually enjoy and that make you happy. Once you do that, things may start to turn around for you. Being angry all the time pushes people away. |
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I am angry, im angry about a lot of things. Im angry about how my life is going, im angry about how the women i have dated have treated me, im angry that i can't seem to find anyone worth a damn anymore, and im angry becasue im angry usually when people are sad they don't do anything. they just cry over their condition. but when they get angry, they bring about a change. -malcolm x. i think it's time you do something. i don't know what since i'm still in the sad stage. :p |
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I have always heard woman saying how they want a nice guy who will love them the way they are and bla bla bla. I just don't get it. For example a guy cooks, cleans, works, pays bills, washes cloths, takes care of kids, wants to spend all his time with her, even takes care of he kids from other baby daddis, fixes her car, etc etc etc. On top of that he is decent looking, good in bed, and affectionate. What the H more could a woman ask for? In another thread, weren't you just saying that you wanted a woman to keep a clean house for you? So while she's doing that, you're still cleaning and cooking and washing clothes? Uh huh... ugh here we go again. reading with woman eyes again. That other post was me speaking in general, maybe you should read it again for what it says in plan english instead of turning things around or skipping every other word. Ah, I thought you were speaking for yourself, rather than in general. Sorry, my mistake. Why are woman always so fast to make men seem controling. In any relationship neither party can expect their partner to let them do anything they want. both people are going to have concerns about things and there is going to be things they are going to want them to do and not do. Now "in general" some men might not want their woman going out without them or some woman might feel this same way. Its all about pleaseing your mate. There will be things you have to do that you might not want to do, and things you much give up to make things work. Thats just the way it should work. Work together to make things work, the overall goal is to make things work together, nothing else in the world should ever get in the way of that. Friends, family etc take a back seat to this. I think a lot of people both men and woman have forgotten this today Well, I disagree that family will take a backseat to any relationship. I still believe blood is thicker than water. Ah yes, again not thinking things through enough. Blood is thicker than water, yes but how does blood become blood? You are a mix of you mother and father, you "blood" with them. But your mother and father are not blood with each other, so they much be water right? No? They are family? Blood? Hmm not making much sense around here. Case and Point, you and your bf/husband whatever are seen as water, yet in the future your kids will see it as blood. So this is how you should see it too Blood is thicker than water is just a way to say my family comes first. Fact is family will always be there for you, but you certainly can't say the same about a boyfriend or husband. I see, but how can you expect anyone to be there for you, when they do not come first in your life? I have never expected anyone to be there for me. I would think they would put their family or even their job for me. I remember a guy wanted to take time off work because I was seriously injured; and told him it wasn't necessary. I am more logical than emotional about this things. He would have lost his job and I simply don't think I was worth him losing his job. That may not be romantic but it makes common sense. |
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I am angry, im angry about a lot of things. Im angry about how my life is going, im angry about how the women i have dated have treated me, im angry that i can't seem to find anyone worth a damn anymore, and im angry becasue im angry usually when people are sad they don't do anything. they just cry over their condition. but when they get angry, they bring about a change. -malcolm x. i think it's time you do something. i don't know what since i'm still in the sad stage. :p You may have a point, but i have no idea what to do short or buying a woman from over seas lol |
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I don't know that these men are learning that male is being wrong; I think its just adjusting to society. Parents these days don't raise their kids like back in the 50s. Our roles as male and female are no longer defined which I think is a step in the right direction. I don't know if how you are raised is a reflection of who you are as an adult though. My dad raised me to be a dumb,defenseless woman; that should be a housewife, have kids, and to obey my husband. When I became an adult; I chose for myself to be the complete opposite. If a man thinks he is not worthy of love, there are more underlying issues that not having a male role model around. So, why do you think men draw boundries when it comes to a relationship? Is it a way to protect their feelings, or to feel in control? Both parties need to draw boundaries. Like not giving up friends, unless there is a valid reason to do so. Not giving up their job or possessions. Not giving up their hobbies. Not moving to make their mate happy. Both men and women need to feel in control of their own lives and feel comfortable in their relationship. If their mate is controlling their lives or if the relationship doesn't feel comfortable, then it's their fault for not establishing clear boundaries or for not enforcing those boundaries. |
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Can i just say that men really have no idea how we are supposed to act. Are we supposed to be nice and supportive? Controling alph males? bad boys? What? Who knows. Mean are simple and we can only be one way or the other. We are not like women who can change channels with moods. We are who we are day in and day out. Be yourself. Don't try to be who you think someone is looking for, as things won't work out. I always tell men "DO NOT ASSUME ANYTHING" and also "EASE OFF THE THROTTLE AND COAST FOR AWHILE". I am a self made person. My ex husband who is well known and very successful was put through school in no small part by me. I met him when he was nothing. I am one of his most trusted companions even now because I did build everything from the ground floor. Men often think that women need or want money and protection. I will shoot down anyone who tries to buy me off or thinks I need "protecting". I am a personal assistant. I have worked for the rich, famous, and powerful and taken care of them. I do not need to be taken care of. The men in my life are there because they are WANTED not NEEDED which is a higher calling. |
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She does have a point, Civic. You do come off as being very angry quite often. I am angry, im angry about a lot of things. Im angry about how my life is going, im angry about how the women i have dated have treated me, im angry that i can't seem to find anyone worth a damn anymore, and im angry becasue im angry Seriously, read "No More Mr Nice Guy". It's cheaply available on Kindle (You can get the free Kindle app for your smart phone or computer). I'll be honest, it changed my life. |
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She does have a point, Civic. You do come off as being very angry quite often. I am angry, im angry about a lot of things. Im angry about how my life is going, im angry about how the women i have dated have treated me, im angry that i can't seem to find anyone worth a damn anymore, and im angry becasue im angry Seriously, read "No More Mr Nice Guy". It's cheaply available on Kindle (You can get the free Kindle app for your smart phone or computer). I'll be honest, it changed my life. might have to look that up, thanks |
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