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| Topic: Can an Online friendship survive... | |
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I am a "rip off the band aid" quick. Why? Well for one reason, and don't be shocked, People can and do Lie! You can talk to them on-line, on the phone or text and they could be lying through their teeth. Untill you are face-to-face with someone and can look in their eyes you will never know the truth. So, the sooner the better to get to know the real person. Less time invested in falling for someone, and months later finding out they were a trumped up facade. Sure this could happen with any real life getting to know someone, but real life tends be more in the moment. JMO An opinion that I happen to share  .
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... a face to face meeting? More often than not, I've gotten to know someone fantastically well via online/text/phone convo's but when we’ve met in person, not an iota of chemistry. I’m as much to blame for not wanting to remain in contact after realising that we're not compatible. It’s one of the reasons why I prefer to meet quite soon after having exchanged a few ‘you don’t sound like an axe murderer’ emails/phone calls – I know...I know – can do without the “how can you tell he’s not an axe murderer” responses – irony people!! 
I was reading one of the threads and someone mentioned preferring to get to know on Mingle first before meeting them. The response seemed to indicate months as opposed to weeks...It got me thinking...maybe it’s me and my womanly sensitivity.. but how do others deal with it? Weeks/months of getting to know someone, then after one date, nothing? well honestly, the dates I have had IRL have not been forum friends, and I think part of the problem is that I did not take enough time to get to know them so there was no "connection" before we met - just a few emails exchanged - to me it is kind of ironic that the people I have got to know the best are the ones who live further away (usually) due to exchanges in the forums. so I think we would stay friends even after we met - even if a romantic relationship did not develop - because we started basically as freinds first where my IRL meets did not have that "freinds first " element now I have a different problem of hesitating to relate romantically because I don;t want to ruin the friendship if the romance doesn't work out...good grief Even if someone lived quite a distance from me, I would still want to meet them sooner rather than later. yeah...the 'not wanting to ruin a friendship' is a different kettle of fish altogether 
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Are you actually talking about friendship or more than that? The subject line says friendship, but your post seems to be talking about more. If I am chatting with someone I want to meet and they're local, I prefer to meet within a week or two. However, on mingle, there really are no locals for me, so that would be impossible. That being said, I've never been disappointed by anyone I've met from mingle in person. You are right Sing, I think my mind wandered...
I am talking about getting to know someone online with the view of entering into a relationship if all works out. It's not about being disappointed when meeting someone..It's more about having raised expectations and/or someone not living up to those expectations when you met them in person. Hope this clarifies things for you The reason I was not disappointed was because I went to meet people with no expectations. So, if you go into it without high expectations, and just see how it goes, it may work out for you. Everyone I've met (mostly friends, one was a bit more) was just like I thought they'd be. |
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The reason I was not disappointed was because I went to meet people with no expectations. So, if you go into it without high expectations, and just see how it goes, it may work out for you. Everyone I've met (mostly friends, one was a bit more) was just like I thought they'd be. It depends on the premise that you start off with. If you start off as friends and something develops, that one thing. I am talking about something else though. If you’re meeting someone off line that you consider as a friend, you are right; there are no expectations because you haven’t been thinking of them as a potential partner. As a random example…if I met someone that has stated that he has no interest in having a relationship with someone that drinks for has kids. I have kids and I drink therefore, if I arranged to meet that person, I wouldn’t be thinking of him as a future bf, so I would have no expectations of anything developing. |
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I'm one of those that believe the sooner the better..Since I'm totally against me doing the LDR thing they live close therefore met me soon or forget me....
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The reason I was not disappointed was because I went to meet people with no expectations. So, if you go into it without high expectations, and just see how it goes, it may work out for you. Everyone I've met (mostly friends, one was a bit more) was just like I thought they'd be. It depends on the premise that you start off with. If you start off as friends and something develops, that one thing. I am talking about something else though. If you’re meeting someone off line that you consider as a friend, you are right; there are no expectations because you haven’t been thinking of them as a potential partner. As a random example…if I met someone that has stated that he has no interest in having a relationship with someone that drinks for has kids. I have kids and I drink therefore, if I arranged to meet that person, I wouldn’t be thinking of him as a future bf, so I would have no expectations of anything developing. It really just depends on how you deal with it. There's no guarantee when meeting people through a site like this. So if you go into it remembering that, rather than assuming everything will work out perfectly all the time, it may be better. You don't know how you're going to get along in person, no matter how much you get to know each other online. We hear those stories all the time about how people weren't the same when they met in person. So for myself, even if I'm meeting someone that I have an interest in, I try not to have expectations before meeting. |
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I'm one of those that believe the sooner the better..Since I'm totally against me doing the LDR thing they live close therefore met me soon or forget me....
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... a face to face meeting? More often than not, I've gotten to know someone fantastically well via online/text/phone convo's but when we’ve met in person, not an iota of chemistry. I’m as much to blame for not wanting to remain in contact after realising that we're not compatible. It’s one of the reasons why I prefer to meet quite soon after having exchanged a few ‘you don’t sound like an axe murderer’ emails/phone calls – I know...I know – can do without the “how can you tell he’s not an axe murderer” responses – irony people!!
I was reading one of the threads and someone mentioned preferring to get to know on Mingle first before meeting them. The response seemed to indicate months as opposed to weeks...It got me thinking...maybe it’s me and my womanly sensitivity.. but how do others deal with it? Weeks/months of getting to know someone, then after one date, nothing? well honestly, the dates I have had IRL have not been forum friends, and I think part of the problem is that I did not take enough time to get to know them so there was no "connection" before we met - just a few emails exchanged - to me it is kind of ironic that the people I have got to know the best are the ones who live further away (usually) due to exchanges in the forums. so I think we would stay friends even after we met - even if a romantic relationship did not develop - because we started basically as freinds first where my IRL meets did not have that "freinds first " element now I have a different problem of hesitating to relate romantically because I don;t want to ruin the friendship if the romance doesn't work out...good grief Even if someone lived quite a distance from me, I would still want to meet them sooner rather than later. yeah...the 'not wanting to ruin a friendship' is a different kettle of fish altogether
Depending on where each person lives, it might be tough to meet incredibly soon. Or expensive. So, I can understand not wanting to put a lot of money into traveling until you're both sure about meeting. |
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Edited by
hyerlevo
on
Thu 10/27/11 08:51 AM
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... a face to face meeting? More often than not, I've gotten to know someone fantastically well via online/text/phone convo's but when we’ve met in person, not an iota of chemistry. I’m as much to blame for not wanting to remain in contact after realising that we're not compatible. It’s one of the reasons why I prefer to meet quite soon after having exchanged a few ‘you don’t sound like an axe murderer’ emails/phone calls – I know...I know – can do without the “how can you tell he’s not an axe murderer” responses – irony people!!
I was reading one of the threads and someone mentioned preferring to get to know on Mingle first before meeting them. The response seemed to indicate months as opposed to weeks...It got me thinking...maybe it’s me and my womanly sensitivity.. but how do others deal with it? Weeks/months of getting to know someone, then after one date, nothing? well honestly, the dates I have had IRL have not been forum friends, and I think part of the problem is that I did not take enough time to get to know them so there was no "connection" before we met - just a few emails exchanged - to me it is kind of ironic that the people I have got to know the best are the ones who live further away (usually) due to exchanges in the forums. so I think we would stay friends even after we met - even if a romantic relationship did not develop - because we started basically as freinds first where my IRL meets did not have that "freinds first " element now I have a different problem of hesitating to relate romantically because I don;t want to ruin the friendship if the romance doesn't work out...good grief Even if someone lived quite a distance from me, I would still want to meet them sooner rather than later. yeah...the 'not wanting to ruin a friendship' is a different kettle of fish altogether
Depending on where each person lives, it might be tough to meet incredibly soon. Or expensive. So, I can understand not wanting to put a lot of money into traveling until you're both sure about meeting. [/quote |
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How do everyone feel about skyping or video messenger? I mean if for some reason you cant meet right away, do you think those means are a good idea to get to know them?
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Edited by
42BlackBBW
on
Thu 10/27/11 08:53 AM
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... a face to face meeting? More often than not, I've gotten to know someone fantastically well via online/text/phone convo's but when we’ve met in person, not an iota of chemistry. I’m as much to blame for not wanting to remain in contact after realising that we're not compatible. It’s one of the reasons why I prefer to meet quite soon after having exchanged a few ‘you don’t sound like an axe murderer’ emails/phone calls – I know...I know – can do without the “how can you tell he’s not an axe murderer” responses – irony people!!
I was reading one of the threads and someone mentioned preferring to get to know on Mingle first before meeting them. The response seemed to indicate months as opposed to weeks...It got me thinking...maybe it’s me and my womanly sensitivity.. but how do others deal with it? Weeks/months of getting to know someone, then after one date, nothing? well honestly, the dates I have had IRL have not been forum friends, and I think part of the problem is that I did not take enough time to get to know them so there was no "connection" before we met - just a few emails exchanged - to me it is kind of ironic that the people I have got to know the best are the ones who live further away (usually) due to exchanges in the forums. so I think we would stay friends even after we met - even if a romantic relationship did not develop - because we started basically as freinds first where my IRL meets did not have that "freinds first " element now I have a different problem of hesitating to relate romantically because I don;t want to ruin the friendship if the romance doesn't work out...good grief Even if someone lived quite a distance from me, I would still want to meet them sooner rather than later. yeah...the 'not wanting to ruin a friendship' is a different kettle of fish altogether
Depending on where each person lives, it might be tough to meet incredibly soon. Or expensive. So, I can understand not wanting to put a lot of money into traveling until you're both sure about meeting. [/quote How do everyone feel about skyping or video messenger? I mean if for some reason you cant meet right away, do you think those means are a good idea to get to know them? |
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I hadn't considered Skype or video messaging...I think that would be a great way of getting to know someone especially if distance was an issue.
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sorry for the repeat posts...my computer is act wacky!
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No worries.
Don't think it's just you or your comp...I don't know why I can no longer delete the chain of quotes without my msg getting surrounded in purple
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I have actually tried the skype and video messenger and it was a bit fun and wierd at the same time! It gave me a better feel of the person...sense perception is very important to me.
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what do you mean by "sense of perception"?
I'm not going to lie.. I am a tad vain and the thought of putting on lippy and fixing my hair just to stay at home and video msg someone doesn't appeal
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I'm one of those that believe the sooner the better..Since I'm totally against me doing the LDR thing they live close therefore met me soon or forget me....
As far as being friends afterwards...to be honest those that I have met from online that would be possible more then friends if it did not work out I left it as that. 
Those that I have met just as friends I'm still friends with... |
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I have met several Minglers on here in person and ont once was I ever dissapointed!! Only 2 were in a romantic way and it didnt go to far but it was still a joy to meet them!!!
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what do you mean by "sense of perception"? I'm not going to lie.. I am a tad vain and the thought of putting on lippy and fixing my hair just to stay at home and video msg someone doesn't appeal
Hahaah I'm with you on this one and will ot do the cam thing...... |
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I'm one of those that believe the sooner the better..Since I'm totally against me doing the LDR thing they live close therefore met me soon or forget me....
As far as being friends afterwards...to be honest those that I have met from online that would be possible more then friends if it did not work out I left it as that.
Those that I have met just as friends I'm still friends with... Meeting online friends, you tend to stay in touch with.. |
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