so there's a guy on another date site who has been sending me messages and wants to get to know me better..

which is all good and fine but one of my requirements is i want to date someone who has a job bc of my situation which is im a full time stay at home care taker to my grandad,i was primary caretaker for my granny before my grandmother died of a stroke this year.

im sure hes a nice guy but im not attracted to him and hes not working so i dont want to be mean or rude to him,but i need someone who a has a job!

so do i message him and be like im sure your a nice guy but you dont have a job or do i simply keep ignoring him?

Do you want someone who has a job so they can help support you? Or, do you just want them to be able to support themselves?

Why doesn't he have a job??? I think you kinda already answered your own question though when you said you're not attracted to him.....

Hummm if someone had told me that they would not date me only because I did not have a job while I was on unemployment. I would have told them to kiss off and went on my way..

But then I would not even think about dating someone that I was not attracted to in the first place...

Many are without jobs right now. The way I see it as long as I'm not having to support them that is their problem. But as long as they support themselves I don't see why there should be and issue if they work or not.. JMO

well i want him to have a job to support himself in my down time im trying to further my education..but if he asking me out he better be able to pay for the date by himself..

like i said im sue hes a nice guy but if he cant afford to take me on a date then id rather not go on a date with him..i dont know if i should ignore him or what.

Common courtesy would be to tell him you're not interested. Since you're not attracted to him, why would you go on a date with him in the first place? So it makes no difference if he's more broke than our government or if he hit the Powerball.

I can understand wanting him to be able to support himself. Why not go dutch? Each pay for your own share?

Edited to add:
Ah, I just re-read the part that said you're not attracted to him. If you're not interested, just let him know nicely and move on.

Humm just because he is not working does not mean he does not have means to support himself..

But honestly when one has doubts about others they should move on.

Humm ya already said you were not attracted to him so why even go out with him anyway...

I would never go out with anyone due to what they could buy or do for me.....

Personally I think it's rude to just ignore someone. Just tell the guy thanks but you're just not interested.

well on my view of it all its hard for me not working an living back home again for 7yrs now out of a 10yr relationship with an ex bf but im always up front an honest with people right away i have money coming in to help me i don't think not having a job woudln't hold me back from getting to know someone but i would expect them to do the same for me.

I am not sure why you would even consider
dating someone you aren't attracted to.
Sounds like you are only worried about the
free meal.

The objective of dateing I am sure is varied but it seems kind of selfish to accept or expect a paid date from someone you are not attracted too and appears to be struggleing.

Seems a little cowardly to not tell him your standards and complain publiclly about him behind his back. This guy, and others, is lucky he will see where you stand and no longer bother with you.

Don't get me wrong I have no problem with people paying for the invitations they make but I do have a problem with adults who think they are entitled to priveleges they are not willing to return. Dateing is a reciprocal arrangement and if you see it as a one way street then you miss the concept of what dating relationships are about.

Perhaps your constant caregiving makes you want to be paid for your company but I would suggest you get out and get a public sector job since you seem to put so much value on it and don't seem to comprehend that it is sometimes difficult even for men. Least then it would not be the pot calling the kettle black.

I agree with this as well.

i would let him know that you arent interested... not because of the job thing... but because you said you arent attracted to him!!

but i am the same... thats one of my "musts"... i have never been without a job for more than a month, and thats because i relocated... I was with someone who expected me to be the only one working to support both of us, and i'm NOT doing that again... i might even be able to deal with them not having a job as long as they are actively looking... but i dont want someone who doesnt mind having someone else support them... i understand some people are under different circumstances, but not the majority...

I agree with this post.

I never have really understood how anyone; disabled, under educated, a single parent, no references, even " older" can say they can not find at least some kind of employment. Yes sometimes you have to really look hard, volunteer, even beg to get hired, and then prove yourself each and every day to keep your job but I have done it with all the strikes listed above me and more against me.

Even now I am retired I volunteer and do full time caregiving. It may be my vanity but I even like to think at least some of my posts are helpful so I don't get the not working thing.

It is a matter of pride and health. Getting out and working and or looking for work is respectable and proactive for your future. Gives value. Builds skills. Makes a person aware of the world beyond themself. Gets you out in the fresh air and sunshine hopefully looking like what you aspire to be.

There are very few paid jobs that don't have some redeeming social value. Yes many are not particularly glamourus or pay fairly but the best way to get a better job is to show up and do almost any job to the best of yiur ability. Sure tells me a lot about a persons value in other relationships. Especially a personal one with me. I will take faithfl, honest, dependable, modest, strong, and pleasant over flash and dash; any day, hands down.

Under employed yes but that is a whole another post probably better suited for another forum. lol

I think what's hard to find are jobs that pay enough to actually be able to live. We could all probably go out and find minimum wage jobs, but most of us would not be able to afford to live on that.

Maybe he's a job snob too and because you don't have one, he won't be interested. Afterall, once he pays for dinner on the first date, you might really enjoy his company and ask him out and won't be able to pay. That would be awkward.

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Well you said it yourself, you are not attracted to him anyways so you probably dont even have to mention the job...