Yes, some people grow up sooner than others. And some people never grow up, and remain vain and superficial their entire lives. The values promoted and reinforced by our culture don't help matters.

"Excuses" are for behaviors that fail to meet some criteria. Whose criteria? Yours?

There is nothing that needs 'excusing'.

I just like to get an idea of the persons character as much as possible and a bit about their appearance, I consider a posted picture as something they have CHOSEN to represent them out of other pictures they could have posted so I look to see

are they smiling?
are they serious?
are they partiers?
are they family oriented?
are they confident?
are they clean?
do they have tats and piercings?
do they wish to advertise themself as a body(shirt off)?
do they wish to advertise their financial status(pics of cars, jewelry, etc)?
do they wish to advertise they are a player(pics with different girls)?
do they wish to advertise their athleticism(pics of them in different athletic gear and settings)?
are they rebels(pics with suggestive, borderline, or blatantly offensive poses)





,,,pictures give quite an impression on me of how a person wishes to be seen,,,,

Great points, MsHarmony!

I want to be seen as fruit.



What about people who simply love some activity they engage in, and just want to share it? Some people aren't trying to advertise their athleticism, they just want to express their passion/interest. Or find people who share their interest.

In the past, when I've posted athletic pics: I wasn't trying to make myself look athletic, I was using photos as an easy way to catch the eye of someone who might want to go do the same activity with me.

STOP THAT!! IT goes against that incredible sexy redhead thing.

What makes Mingle so different from facebook? Other than the obvious taboo about not talking to strangers that gave birth to "facebook stalking," but it gets thrown out the window here.

Anonymity used to be something that was available in cyberspace in a way that was impossible in the real world. Your screen name was like your alter-ego. Then myspace came along and started asking people for their real names which it then displayed under their user names for all the world to see! "Well, that's crazy," I thought, "Why would anybody want to do that?"

And then along came facebook. Real names, photographs, phone numbers, addreses... I never used to consider myself very old (even though I'm probably still younger than the average Mingle user), but there's already a new generation of people who are obsessed with sharing EVERYTHING they do online. Where they are, what they're doing, who they're with... I can't even imagine what life will be like for their children, when their parents started sharing their information before they were even born!

You want to know the real reason I don't post my pictures online? Call it paranoia, if you will. Maybe not extreme, but certainly not unjustified. Does that make me a dishonest person? Possibly. But who else is honest enough to give that as their reason?

I'm also pretty camera shy, and don't have a gf who is constantly taking my picture. So I do not have a wide variety of pics to choose from. They're all pretty much either old, of me in uniform, or of me in a bar. Not that I'm not proud of any of those pictures. So far, the bar experience has been a ton of fun. but it has not been very productive in the area of finding the person I want to spend the rest of my life with... If such a person exists at all. So I have chosen not to share those, because it would give the first impression that... IDK, you fill in whatever conclusions you would draw.

My point is that people will see a picture and then make an assumption. The same thing happens when they don't see a picture. Your assumption may or may not be true, but it's what you believe. And it's certainly easier to believe an assumption than to ask a person for the real story.

To whoever said, "I have heard alot of excuses... but not any good ones," is, "Because I choose not to," good enough for you? If not, well then that's too bad, because it's good enough for me. If pictures WERE "essential," there would be someone somewhere at Mingle HQ going through everyone's profiles and disabling all the ones who didn't have pictures of a person with a face. Then that might cause people to go out and upload pictures other people, photoshopped pics, pics from when they were 26, etc.



Pictures are optional. They are a personal choice. And if by chance I ever end up actually meeting someone from Mingle, then I will not hesitate to share my picture. But if I find someone that I can enjoy having a decent, enjoyable, intelligent conversation with, no matter where in the world they happen to live, then why should it make any difference to me what that person looks like?

I will not apologize for the rant. I believe I've said what was on my mind. If a picture is worth a thousand words, well then consider this my picture. Take it or leave it.



Iz Rocks! Thanks for sharing the song, Jeannie. Always makes me smile :-)

Tribute to IZ -- Photos captured from video;



http://vimeo.com/8578344

And most of that information will now live for as long as our civilization continues to survive. Data storage gets ever cheaper, bandwidth ever greater; you cannot 'delete' something you post online, because its already been cached/archive/donwloaded and copied somewhere.



I know, right?! Most people never think about these things. They only think of themselves, and the near future.




No, absolutely not. Failing to meet some other person's arbitrary expectation of transparency does not make you dishonest.



I never cruised bars, but one of my jobs required I interact heavily with bar customers. For the most part, those were not women I would want to date.



Yes! Any anyone whose assumptions lead them to losing interest in me, probably doesn't have the predisposition to self examination and careful thought that I prefer in my partners.



Well said.

Thanks Message. I was totally expecting to get blasted for that post.

Sure, it's a personal choice not to post pictures. Just like it's a personal choice not to meet anyone who does not post pictures.

I will not consider meeting anyone who cannot share pictures on their profile, just as I have done. I'm not forcing anyone to share pictures, though. If they don't want to, that's up to them. I just won't be interested in meeting them. While they may not be essential to you, they are to me if I'm going to even think about meeting someone.

There are many reasons people don't post pictures. Whether it's because they're hiding something, or too shy, it doesn't matter to me. I won't be into the kind of person who wants to hide something, or the person who isn't confident enough to share a picture.

If we're just chatting on here with no chance of meeting, I don't care what they look like.

Do you assume all women who spend any time in bars are the same?

You correctly say 'there are many' reasons, and then you list two, and say that either of those two reasons are sufficient for you to not want to meet someone. That's all good. I completely respect your personal choices.

Also, when it comes down to it of course I personally don't care at all who you meet and why; but I can't help caring, just a little, whether your publicly presented lines of reasoning are sound. (Its tied to my desire for everybody, everywhere, to be reasonable, and my belief that a population of reasonable people would not so readily engage in horrible things like genocide or unnecessary warfare or systemized oppression of minorities and such...this is where you might like to comment on me 'thinking too much' ).

Is it possible that, amongst the many reasons one might not post a picture (other than the two you listed), there might be reasons which would not prevent you from meeting someone?

I'm not suggesting you change your approach! Having guidelines like the ones you use help us save time. I do it too.

I'm not into women who talk about themselves incessantly. IME, they tend to be narcissistic and selfish in other areas. We can call this 'prejudice', but being completely without any kind of prejudice is a serious time waster. I know there are exceptions to my prejudice, but I enjoy my life more if I just avoid the women who talk about themselves constantly.

I mean, why waste my time with people who are most likely not going to interest me, just because a few exceptions exist? I'm just wondering if you acknowledge, from a strictly logical perspective, there might be people you'd actually love to date who don't post face pics (for reasons other than those two).



Thanks for giving me the chance to clarify.

No! I definitely don't assume that. Hence 'for the most part'. I mean, I personally observed a wide range of 'types' of people in the club scene; the women I found the most (relatively speaking) interesting were those who were clearly going out to spend time with their friends, under their friends' terms (rather than their own). In other words, they weren't really into the scene, it was just the best way they had to relate to their friends.

Not to mention, people go through periods of personal growth, as well as periods of personal difficulties - and they have different ways of coping with those difficulties. The behaviors they exhibit during some phase of their life says at least a little something about who they are, but doesn't define who they are.

for me, is as plain and simple wanted to see the person on the other end: hoping of any possibilities of meeting him/her in person one day

I have not found anyone to date that has refused to post a picture for a reason that would not deter me from meeting them. In my opinion, pictures are essential to online dating. Of course, not everyone is going to be honest about the pictures they share, but that will be apparent immediately when meeting. But, if someone is unable to share pictures, online dating may not be for them. Though, I am sure that there are those out there who don't mind meeting people without pictures. That's just not me.

I get that you don't think I'm being reasonable and that's fine. My approach works for me. If it doesn't work for you, no worries.

I'm with you on that Arts . Wish they had a "thumbs down" on the smilies

Personally, I just like having a clue to the visual image of a person I am talking to.

I honestly don't care if you are hot or homely. I just like to know.

Thats cool.



Definitely!



I think that your approach (vs the generalization in which you frame your approach) is totally reasonable, and suited to your preferences.

I think in general; people are very visual so they want to see who they are talking to. Me; I post several pictures of me to show that I have different intrerests. I also think it weeds out people. For example; a picture of me working out would not appeal to a couch potatoe, or my military picture would weed out someone who is anti-military.

The only time a pic of someone becomes essential to me, is if we both decide we want to meet each other offline. Otherwise, it's not such an importance to me. I made friends for life with someone on a different site. He had no pic of himself, but we got on so well, had lots of things in common. An image is just an image at the end of the day, but that's only my opinion.

Your working out picture inspires me to go work out.