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| Topic: Men and children | |
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Okay, I'm confused.
Is there something now where men, who apparently have children, but not custody of, or apparently don't see their children frequently, say they just don't have kids? Or not mention it on their Mingle2 profile? I've had 2 guys in a week do this and I find it somewhat of a lie, to be honest. Is it just how I'm seeing it? And guys, are women doing this too? |
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I've seen this a few times from the other side.
I have been contacted by several women whose profiles state that they do not have kids. At some point during e-mail exchanges, it comes out that they do, in fact, have kids, but either the kids aren't around (living elsewhere, whatever) or "I do have kids but I'm not planning on having any more." Needless to say, this is a real issue for me....!  I don't think you're seeing it inaccurately at all. It's a deception, plain and simple. |
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I have seen them forget a wife.
Not remembering you have kids..wow. I suppose next they will get the sex wrong. |
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 I have no idea. I have no kids but do love how they make me laugh and feel, so i can't see how a man can have kids yet disown them or not claim them or not be involved with them in some capacity. Sorry i couldn't really help 
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I havent noticed it, but if someone had kids and forgot to mention it that would have scared me off in a sec, if you forget you own kids, how on this earth would he remember me..
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Edited by
MisterAnderson
on
Thu 08/11/11 03:56 PM
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Well, I can see a number of reasons why someone wouldn't mention in their profile that they have kids.
Maybe they feel it's a safety thing. They don't want to post any info about their kids on the internet, including the fact that they even have kids. Especially if they have little ones. That I can understand, as long as it comes out fairly quickly once the connection is made, and I don't think it's exclusive to men or women. But to outright deny they have children or forget they have kids? No, sorry. That's not cool. I can't even imagine telling someone I don't have kids. |
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partly related to what mister anderson said, I would hesitate to judge
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Well, I can see a number of reasons why someone wouldn't mention in their profile that they have kids. Maybe they feel it's a safety thing. They don't want to post any info about their kids on the internet, including the fact that they even have kids. Especially if they have little ones. That I can understand, as long as it comes out fairly quickly once the connection is made, and I don't think it's exclusive to men or women. But to outright deny they have children or forget they have kids? No, sorry. That's not cool. I can't even imagine telling someone I don't have kids. I can't see not mentioning kids in a profile. You don't have to talk about them or put up pictures, but if you have kids, I expect to see it listed in your profile as it's one of the questions there. Saying no when you actually have kids is lying and that's a horrible way to start off getting to know someone. |
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because IM so canny, I can imagine many examples of such a decision
if someone physically had a child but at some point gave up physical custody, would it be necessary for them to mention they have a child? probably not I think most people see children as someone that is A) actually a part of a parents life and B) a responsibility the parent has ,,,sometimes, when people have created lives but not gone on to actually include those little lives in their own or take any responsibility for them its much simpler to just state that they have no kids ,,,,,my ex does this very thing,,, |
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I can certainly understand not doing details or pictures, but there's a simple "no", "lives at home", "doesn't live at home" question as one of the main questions. It's simple and straightforward. If you say "no", then turn around and say you do, that's a lie, IMO.
The whole ethical and moral issue of not being part of kid's life is between the parent and child/ren. I personally find it sad that someone ~willingly~ isn't part of child's life if the option is there. |
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I can certainly understand not doing details or pictures, but there's a simple "no", "lives at home", "doesn't live at home" question as one of the main questions. It's simple and straightforward. If you say "no", then turn around and say you do, that's a lie, IMO. The whole ethical and moral issue of not being part of kid's life is between the parent and child/ren. I personally find it sad that someone ~willingly~ isn't part of child's life if the option is there. so do I but in the age of adopted children and surrogate parents, there is such a thing as having HAD a child, and HAVING children,,, |
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Okay, I'm confused. Is there something now where men, who apparently have children, but not custody of, or apparently don't see their children frequently, say they just don't have kids? Or not mention it on their Mingle2 profile? I've had 2 guys in a week do this and I find it somewhat of a lie, to be honest. Is it just how I'm seeing it? And guys, are women doing this too? Wow, who would deny their kids? That's so sad. Yes, I'll admit I have a few stinkers of my own. 
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Edited by
msharmony
on
Thu 08/11/11 10:32 PM
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I think its easier for men to do so then for women. Men dont have as close a biological connection with the child from the beginning. THey dont really have a way to KNOW the child is theirs(like the mother does) except to take the mothers word for it.
So if a man has fathered a child (maybe, according to the mom), that doesnt mean he will have had any type of 'natural' bond to that child. Men have to start building that bond a bit later than women and, sometimes, if they havent had that opportunity or taken advantage of the opportunity,, I can understand how its easier for them to just take the other 'assumption' that they havent really been anyones dad. there are many adults who will say they didnt know their father, and others who will say they grew up 'fatherless', although we know some male had to be involved in their conception,,,,, |
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I can see someone not mentioning it in the body of their profile if they don;t have custody and never get to see their kids. But you can pick Have children but they live elsewhere as an option.
Seems a little odd not to at least have it mentioned you have a child/children. But I wouldn;t be too harsh in judging. Maybe some feel like with their exes they may never get to see them again. Or for safety sake, I can see some women not wanting to mention it for fear of someone just trying to get closer to children (Its is a sick planet osmetimes) |
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I can certainly understand not doing details or pictures, but there's a simple "no", "lives at home", "doesn't live at home" question as one of the main questions. It's simple and straightforward. If you say "no", then turn around and say you do, that's a lie, IMO. The whole ethical and moral issue of not being part of kid's life is between the parent and child/ren. I personally find it sad that someone ~willingly~ isn't part of child's life if the option is there. so do I but in the age of adopted children and surrogate parents, there is such a thing as having HAD a child, and HAVING children,,, I would not expect someone who gave a child up for adoption or who was a surrogate mother to say they have children. |
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Or for safety sake, I can see some women not wanting to mention it for fear of someone just trying to get closer to children (Its is a sick planet osmetimes) This is kinda what I was saying in my post. If someone has this type of fear and doesn't mention they have kids in their profile, I understand that reasoning. This is the digital age and there is a great deal of information available on the web for people who know how to find it. In most cases, just a name or a name and general location is enough to provide an address. Some parents (particulary those with young children) just aren't comfortable saying, "Hi I have kids at this address" on a website that is freely available to the entire world. This isn't like Facebook where you have at least some limited control over who sees your info, and it's not like a paid site where you have positive identification (credit cards) tied to each paid profile. For the most part, I am all for honesty, but for a parent trying to protect their children, I understand holding some things back. |
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Wow, it amazes me how I can go from one opinion to the other once I see what other folks have to say. I didnt consider at least half of this stuff. I love that. I was thinking the same thing. |
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Or for safety sake, I can see some women not wanting to mention it for fear of someone just trying to get closer to children (Its is a sick planet osmetimes) This is kinda what I was saying in my post. If someone has this type of fear and doesn't mention they have kids in their profile, I understand that reasoning. This is the digital age and there is a great deal of information available on the web for people who know how to find it. In most cases, just a name or a name and general location is enough to provide an address. Some parents (particulary those with young children) just aren't comfortable saying, "Hi I have kids at this address" on a website that is freely available to the entire world. This isn't like Facebook where you have at least some limited control over who sees your info, and it's not like a paid site where you have positive identification (credit cards) tied to each paid profile. For the most part, I am all for honesty, but for a parent trying to protect their children, I understand holding some things back. I guess in the case of protecting children, it would depend on how long they hold that information back. Once they start chatting with someone and let them know the situation, that may be ok. But, if they just don't tell someone they have children for some time, that's being dishonest. |
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Or for safety sake, I can see some women not wanting to mention it for fear of someone just trying to get closer to children (Its is a sick planet osmetimes) This is kinda what I was saying in my post. If someone has this type of fear and doesn't mention they have kids in their profile, I understand that reasoning. This is the digital age and there is a great deal of information available on the web for people who know how to find it. In most cases, just a name or a name and general location is enough to provide an address. Some parents (particulary those with young children) just aren't comfortable saying, "Hi I have kids at this address" on a website that is freely available to the entire world. This isn't like Facebook where you have at least some limited control over who sees your info, and it's not like a paid site where you have positive identification (credit cards) tied to each paid profile. For the most part, I am all for honesty, but for a parent trying to protect their children, I understand holding some things back. I guess in the case of protecting children, it would depend on how long they hold that information back. Once they start chatting with someone and let them know the situation, that may be ok. But, if they just don't tell someone they have children for some time, that's being dishonest. Well I put in my profile that I have 6 kids and extras, I figured that if anyone still messaged me they would have to be interested, OR INSANE
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