I would hope that all of us want to be honest and want others to be honest when it comes to dating. But, it seems that many of us have different ways of thinking when it comes to what's honest and what's not.

Are there specific things someone must say or do to make you think they're being honest about what they're looking for?

Do you have certain qualifications that someone must meet in order to believe they're being honest?

Do you believe that someone who would rather date and get to know each other to see how things go before bringing up marriage is less honest than someone saying they want a husband or wife upfront?

By the way, the idea for this thread did come from other recent threads, but I am not referencing anyone specific. Just looking for different ideas from people here.

I don't think there is a rule as such. Its highly probable that any person on here is talking to more than one person at any given time and so theoretically speaking the "comparrison" issue is already present and so could create a problem.

I think we live in a world where speaking your mind and being truly open about what you want is a giant no no. I mean, you will have people saying they want a serious relationship and want to get to know somebody first and looks are not imporatant, but in reality all they really want (if they were honest) is a good ol' shag and (if they were honest) looks are actually one of the most important things when choosing who to talk to. But if they say that openly... yeah :p... So already what that person has to write on their profile is in fact completely different to what they want = lie

My personal view is that getting to know somebody is actually really important because thats how you find out what chemistry is present and if or not it has potential going forward, but thats just me. Being honest in doing this, makes the whole process rather less complicated though... Not telling the truth kinda leads people down the garden path and only really creates confusion and potential conflict (thats why you have loads of threads about people wondering why they don't get replies and what not)

Generally, the cold hard facts are: people do lie (with reason) and I guess its just something you have to deal with and find your way through those lies. See what happens. Its either good and then, well, great. If not, move on :-)

Good post, thanks.

While I know people lie about what they're looking for and they think they have reason to do so, it may not seem that way to someone else. Though, some will be ok without and some won't.

I love this post and agree with all. I do question those that say they want a husband or a wife. What does that mean? I want a husband=a man to take out the trash, mow the grass, service me , work? People in general want human connection, communication, and a good ol' shag.

Not really, because there really aren't any certain things they could say or do that would automatically convince me of their honesty. If my past relationships have taught me anything, it's that I should never assume they're telling me the truth about themselves up front. If the truth is going to come out at all, it's going to take at least three months.



It's really more of a gradual process. I think that I would just have to learn to believe what they were saying over time. I assume there would be a point when I would begin to feel comfortable that they really were telling the truth, that they weren't about to spring the inevitable 180-degree turnaround after all. But that's never happened yet, so it would take me awhile to convince myself that it wasn't on the horizon.



Not necessarily. I mean, it could be a situation where a person isn't committed to getting married or not getting married. It could be "Let's just see where this goes."

But if a person is truly intent on marriage, kids, etc., I think that needs to be clear from Day One. Because those are the people I want to avoid like the plague.

While I don't think everyone who wants a husband wants one for that reason, I do have to question those who say they want one before getting to know anyone. I agree with the rest, though!

That would be me. Perhaps marriage will come down the road, but who knows. It will obviously depend on who I meet and what happens.

Truly, when looking for a significant other, how can we really know what we want before we have it? Sure we have a list of what we don't want, what we can live with and how other people should act but still. If you found what you want in somebody before and let them get away, that is tragic.

Maybe we should'nt ask those questions to potential suitors all of the time. Maybe we should just go with it and try to enjoy the moments we have together and learn about each other. I can't define what I want without first having it. There are so many different types of people that I would fit very well with.

Maybe we should find what we need.

So the next time a lady asks me what I want, I'm going to take her by the hand and say "I don't know what I want, but what I need is you". Let's see how that works out.

If someone is willing to show them self
to me, I will give the benefit of the doubt
every time and believe in them, believe them.
I will continue to believe till given a reason not to.

I have nothing to prove.
I expect no one to prove anything to me.

The natural process of getting to know someone
works itself out. If someone isn't being honest
it will come to light soon enough.

I don't mean to sound naive, but what is dating?

It's when 2 animals (lets say monkey's) are having sex fast and hard in the trees for the sole purpose of creating more of their own species.
It's naturally instinctive and they have absolutely no self control.

Oh dating, I thought you said mating.
Then I don't know.

I've been asked many times what type of guy I go for and I always tell them I don't have a type. I don't necessarily go for specific things. It all depends on who I meet and what I find out as I get to know them.

Well said. I don't feel as if I have anything to prove either. And yes, when someone is lying, it tends to come out fairly soon.

THIS!! ABOVE!!
i didn't read it earlier.

we put way to much pressure on ourselves and each other
we talk of putting it all out there, no holding back,
must be totally honest....
bla, bla, bla

so yeah..what monier said

great! thanks, now I'm back to the bar scene

No, not really. You can never really be sure anyone is being honest. All you can do is trust. Or not.



Same as above. No, not really. I guess I really don't understand this question.



I believe this is your main question, and my answer would be yes. And no.

If I were looking a wife, kids, family, whatever, I would want to know up front if my date was interested in marriage. Not necessarily with me, but marriage as an ultimate goal.

If I was upfront in my profile and said, "Marriage-minded man looking for that special someone, my soul-mate, the other half of me to make me complete, to grow old together" then met someone and spent months or a year (or more) dating, only to find out she was never interested in marriage, then yes - that would definitely be dishonest.



I've read through the other threads and I'm not sure honesty/dishonesty is what's bugging you (and several others) about this. It seems to me it's more the way it was presented - blunt, and to the point.

Granted, I really don't know you and haven't been here long enough to get a reading on you from your posts, but would you be asking this question if you read something like what I said above in my profile? Because you see that in profiles all the time. Flowery language, poetry, angels singing.

This other poster decided for whatever reasons to cut to the chase and not mince words, "I want a husband - if you aren't interested in marriage, don't bother applying".

Would you have started this thread if instead, she said she was "looking for Mister Right for long-term relationship leading to marriage and children?"

It's basically the same thing, just different words.

and just what is wrong with poetry?!?!

Actually, my issue was that some people seem to think that someone who states they're looking for a husband is more honest than someone who wants to get to know someone and see how things go.

I'm all for people being upfront about what they want. However, that does not mean someone who goes about things a bit differently is necessarily being less honest.

You're making this about a specific person. It's not, really. It's more about how people think about the different approaches.