What can you do to help someone who has gone through terrible experiences as far as love and relationships are concerned? She admits she is lonely and she wants someone but she looks for mistakes instead of the good in a potential.

honestly what you just said - to help her focus on the good, but not in a way that criticizes her to just make her feel worse. If the men in her recent past have not treated her well she prolly has pretty good "bad boy" radar by now. By asking her to focus on good she doesn't see is a waste of time and will imply that her judgment is flawed. But to help her acknowledge the potential for good in everyone...while protecting herself moving forward

Besides, she may be able to help the rest of us improve our bad boy radar

If her situation is beyond where the normal condolences of a gal pal doesn't help, she may want to seek a professional counselor.

I agree with Sweetest. It's called Projecting. What we give is what we get. If you approach future relationships based off your past one's you never give yourself the chance to be loved much less truly love with your heart. What works for me is examining my past relationships, being accountable for my own actions and my own mistakes. Being honest to myself and making a commitment to do more and be better in my future relationships.

When you live in the past the moment passes you by. This was my greatest loss. I spent too many years hiding from the truth instead of confronting it. Quit blaming others and be accountable for what you did or didn't do enough of. Once you accept this and put the effort into it, your life will change & you're Heart will be open to yourself and others.

Life is hardly ever fair in the game of love, but once you have a new perspective to live your life from, you will want to love again and maybe more importantly you will know and find you are worth someone else's love.


Sorry for rambling on. Best wishes to her, and you keep being an awesome friend to her as she will undoubtedly be needing you in her future.

Best wishes to you as well ,
Robert

Some of the things she has had to go through are example, her best friend being in a violent relationship which ended to her being murdered. She just cant seem to let her friend go, she is in so much pain and bitterness 3 months after the death.

Hun, I think professional help, a different environment, and a good set of friends is a start.

Adding her to my prayer list.

There is something very comforting when a friend just listens to you and validates your experience. Sharing someones pain by just being there for them, a place they can go to where they won't be judged or receive suggestion can relieve some of the pressure from overwhelming situations, which can help the person gain new perspectives and help them cope better.

This isn't necessarily a bad thing. She might be a fixerupper kind of person. I could see her as a person who straightens up a person's tie. She sees the negative as opposed to the positive. In her mind she thinks she is doing good. She doesn't miss the obvious. Her personal space is infinite. She must fix all the wrong in the world to where it looks better in her eyes. If it looks good in her eyes after her help then she has fixed up the world where it looks better. She might be suffering from the Pollyanna Complex. With her rose covered glasses on everything looks better after her personal feminine touches. The fact that this behavior may be an irritant to others is their problem and not hers. She basically has a problem accepting reality on its own terms as those terms may interfere with her terms. If you can see mother nature as a female and her as a female you can definitely see the clash of opinion that mother nature has with her's as to what is beautiful.

Grief doesn't just let go of a person. It would be nice if it did. But grief is anything but nice. Grief distorts reality to the point of torture. Grief is like the PMS of life. Grief is the universal solvent of hell incarnate. Grief figures that one must appreciate hell before they can comprehend heaven. Grief can take you through the purgatory of existence in the spiritual realm until one can appreciate the reality of the physical realm.

I honestly feel that some proffessional therapy would help her. Her grief at the loss of a friend in such horrendous circumstances,coupled with broken relationships must leave her feeling helpless.hopless,drained and empty.

There is no one person that can fill that void except herself-she needs to be whole and more stable emotionally before even thinking of a relationship. She will then be in a better place to make the right decisions.

Hgs and Blessings to you both