Seven and a half years ago I met "jc" online and eventually in person after about 4 years I moved me and my three teenage kids to flordia to see how things would work out. After 6 months we came back to Texas mostly due to behavioral issues my kids were having. "jc" and remained friends and he has been a very positive support for me and my kids. My youngest is now 18 and "jc" has suggested that I move back to flordia from texas but has made it clear that he still only wants the strictly platonic relationship we have always had. I care alot about him and i could transfer with my job and a place of my own if i moved. My girls tell me to go that he is in love with me but just not ready to admitt it. But Im afraid im chasing a dream. He knows how I feel about him. Im not sure I could live that close seeing him all the time and not want more than friends. Its easier when I only see him once a year. Any suggestions? Thanks for listening :)

I suggest u tell him u want more then just a friend 4rm him, if he can't, then don't move pls don't go hoping he may change his mind, what happen if he doesn't? nd he later get commited 2someone else while u are close. 4me i think u clear things out now.

Personally I would not move for someone, just to be friends. Not to be hurtful, but sounds to me as if he needs someone to take care of him, but is unwilling to give anything in return. I would not take that step on a platonic basis....but up to you.

You know Penny I think it depends on if you want the adventure of being close to your friend. I would hate to see a broken heart but if you guys really get along and he and you both can go with the flow, well why not.

I agree with several others - I personally would not move for someone who just wants to be platonic friends if your feelings are stronger and deeper. I don't mean to be harsh but it sounds like your guy enjoys the benefits of having you close by without having to commit. If you are seeking commitment then you are only setting yourself up for a broken heart if he decides to date someone else. If it's easier on you to only see him once a year, then keep him in a special place in your heart, visit him once a year and then go find your Mr. Right! Just remember that people only have power over of us if we give it to them, and it sounds like he knows he can use your feelings to get what fulfills him. You deserve to be fulfilled so you should really consider yourself first in this scenario and do what's logically the best thing for you, because sometimes the heart can play tricks on us. I wish you the very best and lots of happiness.

But she wants more, he doesn't. Will it be worth it in the end?

And Pennyg, I would suggest you figure out if he is willing to go beyond the platonic before you move. You don't want to go into all that trouble and be disappointed. And why is it that it has to be you that makes all the effort. If he only wants a platonic relationship, tell him to move or come visit you. Honey you deserve better.

Sounds like you gals have some intuitive insights on the situation that I don't so of course my thoughts might not be on target here. I hate to see broken hearts but I also like to see happy people spending quality time together. You folks might be reading between the lines more effectively than I am.

It sounds like he has set the boundary pretty clearly. If you want more than he does, you are setting yourself up. It is not healthy for you to be in a place of longing and waiting.

If you move, be prepared - as he is- to continue on with your dating life. Share and enjoy time with him but don't wait around on the off chance that some time in the future he may feel differently. You are a woman of worth and substance. If he wants you, he'll need to step it up....but it has been 7 years already!

If you are only considering moving to see if he changes his mind then know that you may not get what you want. Are you prepared for that?

Or if you are considering moving because you really love Florida, can see a life there independent of him and are excited about a new life and a new chapter in a new location then rock on sistah! You already have a wonderful friend there.

I agree with klc, he sounds selfish, why doesn't he move to your state? Are you pushing for a more serious relationship? And he's just telling you in a "nice" way let's just be friends? Personally I wouldn't do it, why? What if you move, make job changes, leave your "core" family and it doesn't work out? (which sounds like it won't)He's wanting you to make all the sacrifaces, you deserve better.

Penny, you've spent 7 years wanting more and I've spent 3 with someone I too met on this site wanting more. I love him dearly, but he has made it clear he does not want marriage. It has always caused a problem with our relationship. Many women have given you good advice, consider strongly if this is a good thing before making that move. Your friend is not wrong for wanting what he wants, good for him for being honest with you, but you deserve to be happy in a relationship the way you want it too. Whatever decision you make make sure you're happy and you're not compromising for someone else's happiest.

Thank you everyone for your input. Youve givin me alot to think about.

The whole thing sounds weird. I mean, i believe everything you are saying, but i cant see why he would suggest you to move out there if he didnt have those feelings for you. To be in physical contact with you, would be more than friends obviously, in my opinion. perhaps your daughters are right. But with your feelings involved, i would be cautious not to end up that FWB that he uses on the side in between girlfriends

if you were also content with a platonic friendship, I'd say go for it - just to be near a close friend, it could be worth it for the fun, social life and shared interests

but since you are seeing the relationship wirh different potential, you and he, I have to say it is good you are making a careful decision

it would be the exceptional person who could live in close proximity & constant contact in a state of unrequited love - and the pressures of you both wanting different things could ultimately damage the good that you share now were u together everyday. but ultimately - I surprise myself as I respond to you, to discover that my feeling at the end of the day is that if it makes you happy - do it

you can just as easily move again...or settle in as friends - no one can tell what the future holds. people waste so much breath on the road not traveled and the chance not taken - eh...what's to lose, really? that is ur question to answer of course

good luck

Sounds pretty clear to me that you want more out of it than he does. Don't take my word for it, but he seems to be playing some sort of game here. Would it be a crime if you got yourself a different guy? And well......if it turns out he's lying to you, then that's his own doing i'm afraid. That will be on him to solve.

In my honest opinion, I don't think you should move to be closer to him, just because he wants you to. You have to ask yourself if that is what you truly want. And if he truly wanted to be closer, he would be the one to move closer to you. You've already moved once to be close to him, now it should be his turn. Especially since he only wants to be platonic friends, then it truly isn't worth the move for you. You have a lot at stake, you'd be leaving your friends and family behind, and it truly isn't worth the risk. As difficult as it may seem it may be best for you to stay where you are. But in the end, the decision is up to you, no one but you can make this decision for you. I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide to do

He shouldn't be the reason you move, but you might actually enjoy the move, getting to meet new people, new areas, etc. Could be fun, but be sure you can afford it.

OK,,lets talk real here,,,IF you have already done this walk,,and HE still only treated you like a friend when you were living down there before,,,and NOTHING ever changed THAT THOUGHT,,while you were there?

THEN,,your MORE hoping,,or wishing,,,for HIM to change his thoughts here.

Trust me,,,IF HE COULDN'T HAVE DESIRED MORE FROM YOU THEN,,,he WON'T NOW!

Now,,,,with that said,,,IF you think your girls would like to live and be in Florida,,verses TEXAS,,and your mind also agrees with a new change in EVERYTHING,, job, home,,life,,culture really,,,as many Cuban Americans living there verses only Hispanic Americans where your living now to know?

Depending on what part of Florida your looking to move to?

I know what Lonely feels like,,and I know how someones kindness can make you think or feel inside,,,that there MIGHT BE more there to them...But because YOU HAVE BEEN THERE already,,,YOU know the quest to undertake.

I would say if you do the move,,,,,let ANY THOUGHTS OF HIM,,be very small ones in your considerations,,,as he is ONLY your friend there to be able to talk to,,and hang with a little,,,and as you have said,,YOU DIDN'T KNOW IF YOU COULD BE CLOSE TO HIM,,IF HE NEVER CHANGED ABOUT HIS FEELINGS FOR YOU?,,,<---NOW THATS a big thing to think about,,,,,what if you went there and found out the reason he DOESN'T FEEL MORE FOR YOU,,is because he already has a sweet heat that he has NOT TOLD YOU ABOUT YET?,,Because if he is a nice guy,,he might feel that information would hurt you? In his mind,,your just friends,,and 1000 miles apart...?

Its much more logical to remain where your at now,,as for your job and finances as well as your girls,,long time friends,,and YOUR friends there. Depending on your girls ages,,,many can become completely CHANGED through a undesired change in friends and life styles?

IF,,,you really want to see IF he can STEP-UP and OUT about you NOW,,,while your still there in Texas,,,YOU CAN,,,test THAT with him...

Tell him that you could not bare sharing anymore of your time or life with him,,,just as a friend,,,YOU HAVE TO HAVE MORE,,because YOU LOVE HIM.
As I feel YOUR VERY CLOSE TO THAT NOW,,,IF NOT ALREADY THERE?
MAKE HIM TELL YOU HIS HEART!,,,He has been honest with you on the suffice about wanting to just BE FRIENDS,,,but as YOUR MIND WANTS MORE,,,there is NO WAY TO FIND THAT ANSWER FROM HIM,,unless HE TELLS YOU STRAIGHT OUT his heart about how he feels about you in it.
Give him a week,,,to make up his mind,,and to tell you,,but also tell him,,you just feel he's not being fully truthful about his heart to you,,and your to invested into him and you,,to try something else new unless YOUR FOR SURE HE ALSO LOVES YOU IN THAT MANNER?
IF he says he doesn't love you that way,,,THEN BELIEVE IT,,and NEVER LOOK BACK,,,your friendships,,,can still be,,but less of any thoughts of MORE?
IF HE SAYS HE CAN'T LOSE YOU,,and HE LOVES YOU,,then,,give it that chance?
But doing THIS,,,is a hell of of much better thought and plan,,than to incur all the expense and time and involvements of you and your family to move there,,and find this all out THERE....
I hope my thoughts here,,help you make a decision in the right directions for all of you,,Good luck,,and be safe and blessed in all you do..

so what's confusing you??? your last sentence says it all;

'Its easier when I only see him once a year.'

you said it. not me.