to know or not to know, that is the question. would you rather know someone you love/ deeply care about is going to die, or have it be more of a sudden thing and not know anything? i realize this is a strange question to an extent. i lost my grandma last week. she had been in the hospital, found out her kidneys were failing and there was nothing more medically they could do for her. she had the option to do dialysis, or to go home and die essentially. given the past year, and the history of medical problems she has had over the last say 15 years, she opted to go home with hospice care. a week after my sister and i were informed of her decision to go home, she passed away. we knew it was coming, but it has still been very difficult.

my best friend has an inoperable, non malignant brain tumor. as of last month, the doctors have given her until december give or take based on the rate the tumor has been growing. i have no idea of when she will pass, but i know that it will likely be sooner rather than later. thus the question. would you rather know that someone you care about will die soon, so you can try to make the most of it?

Personally I would rather know, that way there is no surprise and if anyone wants to say anything that have been hanging on to they can. This is why people make bucket lists, to know what they need to hurry up and do before their time is up...

I definitely would rather know.

I'm sorry to hear about your grandma

I'd like to think that all my loved ones, are enjoying each day to their fullest. I lost my Grandad 10 years ago, and I know he tryed to make the most of his life.

May heavens light, keep us, to be well.

I'd rather know, as i've already experienced this in my family. My grans dr didn't tell us she had lung cancer. I mean c'mon, a dr for goodness sake. Lol. The least he should have done, really. Some dr that was.

I'd rather know, as i've already experienced this in my family. My grans dr didn't tell us she had lung cancer. I mean c'mon, a dr for goodness sake. Lol. The least he should have done, really. Some dr that was. And now there's my kidneys and colon i have to contend with. At least gran won't be in pain now :)

Sorry for you loss

I've lost some I knew and some I didn't.
It's always strange and shocking, even when ya know.
I think I worried more when I knew.

Nothing is promised to us, we should cherish the moments we spend with each other. If we know someone is going soon, all we can do is be there for them to comfort them. If they go suddenly, hopefully out last moments together were good. Either way, we hope they are in a better place and that we will see them again.

I would definately wanna know....that way I could ask for all your nirvana albums!!

I wouldnt want to know. I wouldnt want them worrying about how I was 'taking' it. Id rather it be sudden and just be sure to treat them with love EVERYDAY.

Loss....it's a strange place to find ourselves in.

To have a choice in how and when...to soften the blow, reduce the loss...


does it, really?


I hear what you are saying, and it is really for you...the choice, not the person passing...and yet applying the sentiment behind it....you can practise it right now...by being fully present and engaged with your loved ones, every minute that you have available...even if they are here for the next 100 years.

For me I would much rather know,
it would just mean that i would make sure i spent any extra time i had with them..
But my best friends Dad died when he was a kid, they had fought before his dad went to work and his dad was killed on the way home.

So now I tell everyone i care about that I love them, I make sure that their is nothing that i wish i had said, and if someone is grumpy with me I make sure that they get over it as i am not ever going to lose anone who is upset with me...

so i guess for me, I love my friends and family every day, i never go to bed without telling them I never leave home without telling them, and if i love you or care then you will be told.. sooooooo I guess even though I would like to know, I try and leave nothing unsaid, just incase..

Just hear to offer my condolences, beebee620. I do not wish to reply as I cannot even think of losing someone dear to me. Pardon my weak heart.

my best friends son, and step son left the house one day.
they were hit and killed by a train.
she never got to say goodbye.
i would want to know.

cherish each day.