im looking for a little advice....ive been with this girl for over 3 and a half years and we have a 1year old child together, after about 5months of being with her and commiting myself to her i found out she was cheating on me.and not with just 1 other person. i told her i knew and she denied it over and over again.recently i found something else out and brought it to her attention and we got in a huge fight and i told her either come clean about EVERYTHING or we are done. so she kind of did. now i know she met guys here and on every other dating site imaginable but said she only slept with 1 guy.the messed up thing is she took him to every place i had takin her within a month of us going there. then slept with him in the park next to our bar and again in her moms parking lot. now she said they used protection but he said he shot it on her butt and around that time she had to have a aids test done...she 'cant remember' alot and that really messes with my mind because i know she can remember. ive been heartbroken for the last 3years but i cant leave due to us having a child and i know even if i did i wouldnt find happiness again...granted im not 'happy' now but i guess its better than being completely alone. im confused about life these days and maybe some words of wisdom could help me clear me head and get back on track like i was in the beginning. if you read this thanx for your time and letting me get this out

You should NEVER stay where you are not happy....
You can be a good dad without being in the house
being taken advantage of, lied to and cheated on.

You deserve to be happy.

heartfelt....

it will sound cliche, but first its good to learn that happiness has to come from inside you, not from outside

once you can learn that noone else can 'make' you happy(although people can certainly drain your happiness), than maybe you wont feel it is better to be unhappy with this person than alone

and besides, miserable is miserable, whether its alone or with a partner,, you can do bad all by yourself,,,


Id say let her go,, she has already walked out ,, she just happens to let you stick around

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBI4Bh2z9W8

She says it was only once and she knew it was a huge mistake afterwards and nothing would ever happen again but she ends up going out drinking with her mom and 1 ex bf right after our childs birth and 2months ago lied to me about working with another ex and him living where they work and i checked her phone and saw them saying i love you to each other but she says thats nothing and nothings ever going to happen again. Im too hurt to believe that but idk what to do.I dont dont want to leave and neither does she.Ive been thinking about doing the same thing back to her but idk....

wow, she is blessed to have you in her corner, but you have to be honest about whether she is in yours,,,

At your age these kind of games are completely unacceptable.

Grow-up and move on.

Harsh But True

Very harsh but very true. Im dam near 30 now and cant be going thru bs like this. Ive had the oppertunity to cheat on her and make her feel like i do but i couldnt do it to her no matter how much she deserved it.im no saint.ive cheated in past relationships but we agreed to be faithful from day 1. At least i kept that agreement...idk how to get over it or if i ever will

Been there..it sucks and hurts..

Forget her, she's full of baloney.

Just continue to look after your children. I'm sure they love their daddy ^_^

haven't you heard the classic saying, once a cheater, always a cheater. You can be a great dad without staying with her. You can't trust her at all. What kind of a relationship can you have without trust. And you need to think about your child. You don't want your child to grow up and catch mommy with someone else do you? Never stay in a relationship when you aren't happy. Resentment will surface. And i agree, you really do need to grow up if you are thinking of doing that back. What good would that do and what kind of example are you setting for your child?

Well true story when i used to go on aol chat befor it was changed there where many women who where flirty etc some where discoverd to been married and some with boy friends.

And this is what a lot of women can not admit to they always blame the men he hurt me or he cheated or he beat me up etc always the same crap.My old saying is this u cant buy love nor happyness nor can u repair whats been broken.

there is forgiveness but that trust that was strong has grew thin what people dont understand is a heart is not the only thing u can damage it's the mind to. So why be with some one who has hurt you regardless if there children involved answere me this would u rather have a child grow up in a heathy way or would u rather the child grow up ina negative way? what if u to cant get along? Dont think for a min that child would not pick things up they learn fast.

I have 1 rule if a woman cheats on me i find out her bags will be put on the street corner life way to short.The way i see it why cheat on aperson if you have a person there with u .Dont make any sense at all

people repair things all the time

thats what tools and therapists are for...lol


as to the rest though, the basic theme seems to be trust,, if its not there (rather for logical or illogical reasons) , and there is no mutual agreement to work to repair it

Id say,, hit the road,,,

especially if the two of you had enough of a 'commitment' to create a child but not get married or stop seeing others,,,,ID say stay at your own risk but think about what chance you have of changing the results by continuing the behaviors,,,

leaving her is not leaving your kids,,,or at least it doesnt HAVE to be

You can survive this. You should not stay with someone you cannot trust. And three years is a long time to have something like that weighing on your mind. As hard as it may be, you should get out. How can you have a real commitment if you can;t trust her? You will always be that childs father, nothing can change that.Even the courts will back you up on this. As hard as it may be, I say leave, heal and look for someone you can trust and build a relationship with.

people repair things all the time

thats what tools and therapists are for...lol

Well a therapists is paid to listen not to baby sit solve your issues some of therapists sit there and agree with u to pass time first of all let me ask u this?If any one cant figure out how to work a relationship then why be in one?

If a person cheat's and breaks your heart would u think that wont be stuck in the back of your mind wondering why or is it my faught?Some people blame them selfs for there partner cheating on them some go in to a depression and some even try to kill them selfs.But therapists are paid to listen give advice and has the right to contact police etc if they feel your in a domistic home and if there's children involved they contact the local dcf now u have bigger issues dont you.

People repair things all the time yes they do but how long to they realy last? Now if a person can repair a human body bring them back from the dead i would turn christain praise god like a mad man lol as we know no man ever came back from the dead .

My point is how many times can you try to repair a relationship? It takes to 50 50 i was married when i was 19 bad age i was stupied but in any case my x wife became very controlling demanding my pay checks wanted me to put everything in her account also had the freaking nerve to cheat on me 2 times once with her daughter boy friend and ye at that time i tried my hrdest to repair the marriage i even tried seval therapists none would work even went to one and guess what the wife turn around went behind my back and the therapists and filed a restraining order for what because she had bad issues from her past marriage the judge question here and ask her if i was abusive she said no and he ask why did u waste the courts time .Now can u repair anything?

You can not repair whats broken no matter how many times u try just like a cup breaks u use crazy glue how long befor that glue wares off?

Having been through this myself, my suggestion: Leave. That's all. I tried to work it out, I ignored it for a time myself, but several factors can mean that the option to work it out isn't an option.

If she won't admit it even when you KNOW and have proof and can state the situation exactly as it happened. If she skirts questions by asking her own, or bringing up situations where you weren't exactly the "perfect mate" (not necessarily cheating, just something where you may have been wrong). And if she "tests" you with loaded situations ... one of my "tests" was her deleting nude pictures from her camera for distribution and then deleting them, only to say when I told her I saw them anyway that it was a "test" to see if I would say anything.

Combine all of the above and she's psycho, so leave ... there's no amount of working it out that's going to keep you from constantly wondering or worrying if everything has really been fixed. If she changes, it won't be for you. Just something you'll have to deal with.

I have my 2 little girls every summer (for the entire summer) and we have fun and they enjoy their time with me. The child(ren) deserve to be happy with their parents, even if that means they see them separately. Seeing at least one parent constantly on edge and easily aggravated because of their marital relationship isn't good.

all i got to say is...U REAP WHAT U SOW!!! that girl don't even deserve u, that's messed up and trifling that she would do that. that sounds like something a teenager would do...that girl still got growing to do. man, u do not deserve that. trust, i'm almost 40 and have been thru soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much of that mess with men, excuse me BOYS, so i know what u going thru. it hurts like a mofo!!!!!

learn to forgive and forget, its hard but thats the only time you can move on, just think of your kid..
everything happens for a reason whether its a good or bad, we just need to accept and moved on..
god bless!

doubt that you'll like what i have to say but here's the deal you made. when the two of you had that child, you added a new dimension that has nothing to do with your's or the mother's happiness. now the only thing that matters, the one person that you are obligated to provide a happy environment for, is your child. the deal you and she made will be in force for damn near two decades until the kid is raised and off on it's own.

yes, it's obvious you and the mother are done with each other but you're both far from being done with the child. so the two of you get separated and then i'd suggest some professional counselling for both of you either together, preferably, or separately that focuses on the raising and well being of a child in a broken family. your happiness counts for nothing until your child is on a path to a healthy upbringing. now go do the right thing and you'll be on your way to happiness.