I haven't been able to even think to start a relationship for 3 years, there's nothing wrong with me, but I've been just used and seen the side of other situations with relationships and just don't have trust in anybody so I don't try to connect with many. I'm not one of them that just looks for sex, I actually want to know the person I end up playing around with first a bit. Seems like years past everyone just wanted some pleasure, and when they didn't get in contact with me for a while they moved on. Even friendships at that matter anymore, there nobody to trust nobody that can't just listen or tell someone whats goin on or why they feel the way they do. Anyone have a problem like mine? Not to just discuss problems but just need some advice again I guess...

do you gamble. well such is life my friend. make a bet, roll the dice. making a bet is much like trusting. you put yourself out there, some times you bet big, like give your whole heart, some times you bet little, like a passing smile. roll the dice. here is where it gets tricky because it involves interaction. communication in some way, and you don't always come out winning. life is there for you my friend. go out and live it. no regrets, because it all ends up as you. soon you will find that the more you gamble on life, the more you end up winning. you took a gamble to post, and you made a friend

Very true putting it in a way of a gamble, I've come from a dream come true snapped back into reality, where I seen everyone at before is still at the same point they're still stuck at. might also be time to find what bridges I don't need anymore.

I find if I don't open up and try then I'm really not available to find what I want. If you ever hope to get what you want you have to get out, get involved and take your chances. It might not always turn out how you want, but each experience is a chance to grow and one day you may find yourself with exactly what you wished for.

I'll tell you what happened to me -- On Feb. 2, 2009, I was involved in a serious car accident. All of my friends, everyone who I thought cared for me, just vanished after that. I had spent my life taking care of everyone else's problems; now the first time I needed some help in return, there was suddenly no one around.

I was forced to move a few times after that. As it stands, I have no family and no friends in real life. That probably sounds like a bad thing, but I'm not so sure. My experience with people has been that (present forum members excepted!) they just plain suck and aren't worth the time and effort of trying to deal with.

It's true that, on some level, I would like to have someone in my life. I don't NEED someone in my life. And I don't have any desire to waste a lot of time on fakes and users and liars and the ones who never did anything but try to change me. My conclusion is that people are more trouble than they're worth.

well tho I normally advocate never burning bridges, I have on rare occasion when the "burn" was particularly bad OR when I felt that burning the bridge would actually help my rep with new bridges on the horizon...

so I guess Ima sayin' if u do burn them - be sure...more often I just put some bridges in limbo. It's not a matter of needing them still so much as it is a matter of:

why create negative karma when u really don't have to?

namaste

I agree and disagree with Lex. It is good to see where you will land on your own. Event the closest of people will turn their backs on you at some time or another. . .

However I do not desire to be alone...I manage to make it through on my own, but I also never hesitate to put myself out there. Sometimes friendships or dating lasts awhile or is cut off after the first couple of chats...(including in person meets, i am referring to actually dating in person and online)

I just think if you dont try at all, you will never get what you are looking for...this applies to all theories of life, not just dating but also careers as well. Relationships for me, dont ever last more than a couple of months...before either party decides to move on. Don't know why, but just is...

Lex,

I had a similar experience to yours but about 10 yrs prior to yours. I could not believe how so-called "friends" could vanish so quickly - my telephone that was always ringing...well I probably could have just disconnected it.

Then I met a man who gave me a chance at a job. (to whom BTW I will be forever grateful). I was a huge success! Yanno - first thing that happened was that a bunch of the old crew wanted the "scoop" and I got invitations to parties etc in the old hood. Did go? hell no. Not because I was bitter (which I'm sure was the accusation at the time) but because I just didn't want to. my life had changed so much in the intervening 5 or 6 years that I just wasn't the person they remembered. I found that scenario stressful for some reason.

Now it's been 10 yrs - I live in a new city and hold ill will to no one. I feel it is just that we grow & change so I have nothing in common with those old "friends" any more. But I would be friendly to them if I ran into them somewhere. I have also found that as the years have passed, I have managed to regain some of my faith in people. I have also become more realistic and lowered the bar some on my general expectations as well. well sorry for rambling...

But once anyone has experienced the kind of disillusionment you describe - it is a long uphill climb to trust again, I know.

yes as far as dating, I agree with you. I am a little reserved but also very desirous for that stuff to work and work well

i try never to burn bridges...some people make good business relations if nothing else. .

Your situation sounds a bit like what I'm goin through and appreciate the effort in talking about it and honestly helping me think on another side of things a bit clearer, Lex as well.

There is a price you pay for everything.
Pkd put it well, if you do not open
yourself up, it is a guarantee you will
never find what you want.
The price of vulnerability can be very
high.
Balanced ONLY by the rewards of letting
yourself feel..deeply.
Sorrow and joy are both playing the game.
Play at your own level of risk.

Lex, I can relate to that a lot.

My conclusion after two marriages was that men were more trouble than they are worth. I do much better without the distraction.

Then I found a friend who was a woman and we were both interested in tarot cards. We were best friends. Long story short, we spent three years working on a tarot deck together. The plan was to share the copyright and business. I let her have her way with the final designs but I showed her how to create them. I was the artist, she just wanted her ideas on the cards. After the last card was finished, she told me that she did not want to share copyright that she felt that the designs were hers. I guess my three year contribution did not count. We both worked very hard on that project. She had the gall to suggest that I go create "my own" deck.

She tossed our agreement and our friendship out the window. Well, I tossed the friendship... I felt betrayed. I could not be friends with her after that.

So close friends are "not worth the trouble" either sometimes. They will screw you around and break your heart. So I did, make my own deck. It is finished and I am selling it on line. www.infinitevisionstarot.com She still hasn't finished tweaking hers yet, and may never get it published or printed.

So, what do you do? Just like you said. You keep yourself company. You have a few associates maybe. I have my family, and that is something good. But bottom line, you take care of yourself and enjoy your life. You can have 'friends' but don't get too close or Dependant on them.

It is not about "trust" unless an agreement is made and broken. Just don't make agreements you can't keep or ones where you will be hurt by if they are broken.

What do you mean by seeing on the other side of things?

I try to learn from my mistakes even when it is hard to admit them. We all make them, and sometimes more than once before we learn...thanks for joining us on here. this is a great venue to reach out and get those friendship skills lubricated again. welcome to mingle

haha, I meant on a brighter not other, and indeed this seems to be a good place to try an get my friendship skills lubricated sweetest

good have fun and join in - we get pretty silly on her sometimes

nothing ventured, nothing gained!...

Luck to you!

$.02

You're still so young to give up on trusting anybody, let alone a future mate. What you experienced could be something that made you lose your trust to the person/s involved but surely not every body deserves to be mistrusted.

One reaps what what one sows...if one wants to always be cherished as a friend, one should cherish his/her friend by keeping constant contact. Real friends understand when a friend want solitude so they tend to provide space, not necessarily moving on with the friendship lost.

Hope you find back the trust you used to have for the people around you

I feel the same damn way.