We are all in the same boat these days. Our retirement accounts have been raided, the prices are high on gas and food. Now many of us are learning, we need to change our lives for the better. I decided almost 3 years ago, college was the best thing I could do. Ok, already I was single Dad of 2 sons for now almost 11 years(July 2011). Yet I help out in all phases of the word-Parent. I take kids to the park, skating and more. I've been known to volunteer to coach football and basketball. I'm also in my 3rd year of college for health care administration. Ok, here's the deal. I've met a few women who's asked some strange questions. I've been told I was doing too much, or school takes too much of my time(although it's all online). Yet, I've even been asked by some--"why are you doing it? I was thinking for the longest time, I've took too much time to get started in the first place. But with my 4th year being complete in 2012, I'm proud of myself(100%).

Are we real people or what; Black Men & Women? Have we lost a lot of our values from 20-40 years ago? I think a lot of the core values have been watered down like the drinks in the night clubs. Many ladies search for a "GOOD MAN", and when you find him, but you want to do an investigation of why? I think it's true that all of the women I know are investigators.
What do the Men of the US have to do to prove himself? All of us will not have a job that clocks $150,000 to $300,000...but many women fail to see that...

Great profile narrative. If I were female, I would marry you.

Hahahahahahahahahaha,
Women are looking for miracles man. They want so much and give so little. I have resigned to remain single. The shocking thing is, Asian women have started to pique my interest of late. But who knows?

My "ex" is Chinese. Asians have some small issues, but nothing fatal if it works with your personality.

Not all women are like that....generalizations tend to push women away, especially the ones who don't fall into this category. If she is "giving so little" she isn't the right one....check her off your list and move on.

Well as for the doing too much its because they are afraid that you won't have the amount of time they desire to have from you, a generally valid complaint and quite honestly you're probably better off in the long run...
As for the why do you do it, its because most people these days are all about looking out for number one, and nobody else more frighteningly so including their children...

As for the money, unfortunately some women see men as a ticket to comfort....part because its in their nature(guys want to know they can take care of or provide for their girl/family) and most of us know this some of us use this against them and require lifestyles that most simply cannot produce...again you're probably better off without those women too....

Yeah being alone on some nights might suck but it may mean that the women you are meeting know they can't run you for a chump(which is good) and that they don't want to waste their time or yours knowing they can't use you as a door mat...which is probably a good thing too...chances are there is something good looking for the same thing you are...she has just been through the same relationship tear downs and is a little more shy than she used to be but you'll find her...

I REALLY hate to see questions that generalize any group.
ITS THE PERSON,,THAT human being who has THAT heart,,NOT what color they LOOK LIKE..
ALL will very,,,,and personally,,ANY lady can check me out through any service that might do that?,,I am me,,,and hide nothing.
I am sure that there might be some who have had things they don't want toers to know about..Because THEN THEY might pre-judge them based on that past history...But,,if it shows,,it glows..
And IF, a lady or a dude REALLY like the other one,,then they COULD and WOULD talk about ANY thoughts they had to ask about..

Here's my strategy. I'm just looking to make friends. Friends will tolerate tons of flaws in eachother. Maintain some friendships long enough, and one of them is bound to blossom. In the meantime, you will have come to known what these people are all about pretty well. If it happens, it happens. If not, you will still have a new friend for as long as you want it. That can't be bad.

I like the women who are interested in a man enough that they try to prove the generalizations wrong.

I mean, I have to constantly fight off the generalizationing urge and dig into who a person actually is. It is especially hard when they act the generalization out to you almost as if it were scripted.

That was interesting to me. People, both men and women, are bonded to scripts that are mostly sold to us by Madison Avenue. "I want the white picket fence", "I want the whole thing, career, family, the boat, the sports car", "I want to be the Brady Bunch". I don't blame people for this at all, but I am most attracted to people who don't want to be inside of these little boxes. It seems to me that this is the most likely place to find people who will not condemn me for not fitting a stereotype.

Personal preferences are very funny things. Sometimes what we assume is keeping people 'disinterested' might not be the case at all.


I have this rule for myself 'never ASSUME the other person isnt just as capable and intelligent as I am'


My experiences have been with men who believe a physical relationship that is satisfying should be enough to entitle them to the security and support of a 'good' woman.

However, I see that this is something about who I am and who I am attracting more than it is about what is wrong with men in general.

People want love and security, regardless of race or gender. The more times they make mistakes about where or with whom they can find it, the more cautious they become. Its reasonable for any human I believe. I make allowances for that caution instead of taking it personally.

Like any culture there are rifts and divides that manifest for a host of reasons.

The biggest problem is media allows a few nut cases a huge voice and can find things that resonate among ignorance. Ignorance leads to apathy. That is where 'white' culture has been dwindling for a while. Whites are very apathetic to anything not perceived as a threat or problem. You get azzholes like Lewis Pharrakahn who spew hatred and how "White man intentionally keeps the black man down," followed by losers like Reverend Al Sharpton who wanted to go out of his way and create policy in the American Government to intentionally punish "Caucasians" and has been a racist fighting racism. Then you get Jessie Jackson who suddenly became the self proclaimed torch bearer for Martin Luther King Jr. Time and time again this man has spread some of the most ignorant rhetoric among black America feeding them a line of how the Government "Owes" them for slavery. Oddly did the North not end Slavery that was allowed in the South? So how does the North owe anyone anything for their enslavement? Why is it over 136 years after the Civil War and anyone owes the Black Culture anything? Worst is that I think leaders like Jessie Jackson perverted Martin Luther King Jr.'s dream of Blacks being recognized as AMERICANS. I have heard older blacks who were very familiar with the real racism that happened in Segregated America and they did not like the idea of them being seen as anything other than just an American. Thanks to The Reverend Jessie Jackson suddenly black Americans want to be known as Afro American? Drawing more lines among us is what is so much a part of the problem of all of America. Making racial divides among us divides us all in mind.

NOW back to the media. When you look at the parts played by black actors the most popular ones are the ones with all the bling and the girls, life is easy and money spontaneously appears. A serious segment of Black entertainment revolves around the "Thuging" lifestyle. It is one thing to have a different culture and different cultural values but the problem is what do those values promote? When they promote wanton promiscuity, drugs, violence, "pimping," "doing what you got to to get that dollah," and glorifying prison and violence you got to ask what does this lead to? (COUGH COUGH, FAILURE!!!)

Now for you. You want to achieve. You are doing what it takes but there is a cost and it is a lot of effort. It takes a lot of effort to succeed some times. There is nothing wrong with that. Women can be control hungry sometimes and I have noticed among some black women their lifestyles are about control. This can be said about any woman BUT there is a difference culturally where you must be instantly successful. You got to snap your fingers and miracles happen. You have your feet in the right path.

Achievement is not about color. Your black, and you are getting educated. That says a lot more for you than about 65% of our fellow Americans in racial aggregate! You pull your weight as a dad, and seek to improve yourself, and your future. Black, White, Red, Purple with green Spots, MOST Americans live for the "Here and now" these days and seek instant gratification. Few Americans think about the future. The sad thing is a lot of Black kids in the major metropolitan areas want to be drug dealers, rap stars, pro athletes and none of them have anything to make it to the top becasue they want success handed to them rather than to earn it. Who makes it as a Rap Star? The one person with the real talent and also the intelligence to put it to work, and the drive to put the effort into getting to the top. The rest are just flounders!

Just stay true to what you want in your life and dismiss the rest. If a woman cannot appreciate your efforts then she can't appreciate you. Then what is the relationship worth?

Besides you can always date interactively! Ain't no shame in the game! Only Shameful players!

Let's see how well that goes over, here.

Monier, so true.. I've noticed that about you over time... I agree with what you've said..

Most of us have to fight generalizations at times... Although I've never understood how people can generalize a gender or a race...

We are people.. People are different.. It doesn't matter what ethnicity or what gender you are you will be different from another person b/c you have a mind...

Generalizations suck in general.... People that make them don't take the time to evaluate life, people, personalities, etc...

I don't know any chicks like that, unless they already screwed up and have 3 kids from deadbeats.

My friend Peggy says she is just happy if he has a job at McDonald's, because that means he has prospects.

The only reason they think online school is a waste of time is because they don't have the dicipline to do it, and they think that you will not be taken seriously when you are done. I have a cousin who is a teacher now, after finishing online.

Hang in there buddy because when you have a job w/ ching, they wont be complaining. I.e., those are the chicks you want to avoid though, because they were too lazy to be around when you were struggling.

What issues are those? My gf would like to know.

From my experience with my "ex" and her family, there seems to be a little too much ethnic pride for my taste. It's easy to give a pass on.

So thats your ex and her family. So thats enough to classify all the asian ethnic groups?

I could be wrong but I think he was just saying that they have issues just like anyone else and he learned that from his experience... I didn't see where he said ALL Asians have issues.. But perhaps I'm optimistic and not blindsided by my preferences....

Dunno. That's enough to suspect about my ex's family and the hundreds of other Chinese we knew. I can tell that you want to make my comment an issue of bigotry. Have it your way.