I was out last night at a singles over 45 meet up. I talked to many people who spent anywheres from 20 to 27 years of marriage before they divorced. These people were truly devasted about the divorce and really felt lost in the dating scene. I really felt for these people as they were so co-dependent on someone for so long and now they are all alone. I can't even imagine how awful and awkward they feel. It made me feel a lot better about never being married. I couldn't imagine giving my heart to someone for 20 years and then having them walk out of my life. I am just wondering how those of you that had been married for a long time are coping.

I have never been married either.

I am better off for it.

I ain't nearly as wrinkly and grey with the life sucked out of me as most people much younger than me.

I feel for those folks...but, that was a decision they made. I guarantee you those divorces were a long time in coming. The comfort of stability is a reason why people try to make the unworkable work. People just refuse to see the emminent cause they think change is a heavier cross to bear.

It is all traumatic. Ain't none of it is easy. But, people get locked into futile situations and desperately cling to ships that are sinking beneath them. I have done it...we all have.

The odds of a marriage working are less than winning in Vegas. I can't blame them for trying....

Still....Not being married no longer carries the stygma that it used to....now, people like you and me aren't pariahs....we are the ones who didn't commit to lost causes.

I didn't have very much luck at it but I am the person I am today because of it. For that I am grateful.......

Wow Krupa; that is very insightful. I still get the odd looks when I tell guys I have never been married. They think there is something wrong with me because I never married. Makes me feel a tad awkward sometimes.

Well, I think we all do learn something from events in our lives whether they are good and bad.

Yeah...that only lasts until they realize you haven't aged. Then the Milf factor becomes an aphrodisiac....

Women will look at you with spite for not having been through thier miseries...

Men will look at you with lust because you haven't become jaded, faded and bitter.

You are a commodity to be sought after....Believe it!

Thanks Krupa. That makes me feel much better. You made my day.

Just calling it like it is Baby.

Don't regret what you haven't done. Don't second guess yourself now.

Every divorced woman would trade places with you.
Every divorced man would trade places with me.

Just to not have to go through the hell they have been through.

Not to say that your life or my life has been easy....cause it hasn't. It would have been just as easy to grasp at straws and hope for the best...

Still...at this point....you and I have been the ones to stick to our guns and NOT settle for less than what we are worth.

You keep your chin up beautiful. You have done the right thing. So have I.

Again thanks. I agree that we should never settle for less. I think that is why I am generally quite happy with my life. Thanks so much for opening my eyes and seeing just how lucky I am.

<-----100 years of marriage

...50 years and NEVER been married..

Wow, there is more of us out there. We should start a club.

Don't get me wrong Navy...

You are fine fine FINE!!!!

Someone out there should be worthy....Looks aside (you are gorgeous)..you have the spirit and mentality that guys should be tripping over each other to prove themselves to you...

if they ain't....you are only missing out on some skin time and nothing more.

You are like me....getting laid ain't the trick....finding the one you want to wake up with is the hard part.

Thanks again for the kind words. You are right; its certainly about finding the right one which isn't easy these days. A lot of my dates are pretty bitter about their divorces. I do sympathize with them but I wasn't the one that hurt them and they seem to take it out on me. Never quite understood that personally.

my mom was married to my dad for 21yrs
she stated it doesnt matter how long you had been married for you truly dont know who that person really is
my dad was hardly ever home he was selfemployed and a major workaholic
he wasent home when we needed him and when he was home we didnt really need him
when my parents got divorced my mom didnt know how to handle it
there divorce was final on the day my sister got married
you should had seen my mom
she was so plowed off her butt it was hard to deal with
my mom didnt know how to deal with the divorce so she drank for a month streght
she would go to work come home and drink
i dont know how she was able to focus
i was the only one left at home to see this and when i told my sisters they didnt belive me
well geeze if they had came around more often they would had known
6months after my parents got divorced
my dad got married to his secatary of 10yrs
it was very possible they were having affair but he denied it
they were married for 31yrs and my stepmom died 2yrs ago

I was married for 21 years. It didn't work and that is OK. We all take risks in life. My marriage gave me 2 awesome sons that gave me more happy moments than the sad ones from my marriage. I believe in love and don't consider myself jaded or bitter. It was just my life and now I am free to move on. If I find love great and if not my life will neither be worthless or empty. The past is the past and the future is what I choose to make it. I can't speak for any other woman who has been married a long time. But this is my feelings about it.

Thanks for your input. Its nice to see that you have moved on with your life and not clinging to the past. I think many of the folks I met last night were newly divorced and they are still trying to deal with it. I'm not an expert but I know when people are hurting and I felt so bad for them.

I was married once and it was the biggest mistake of my life. If there was a way I could go back in time and prevent it from ever happening, I would gladly do so. In fact, I would happily negate every romantic entanglement I've ever been in, if such an option existed.

I am sorry to hear that. I have heard from many that the biggest problem is that as we age we change so much. From what I hear the person they initially married is no longer that same person they fell in love with. Although I do wonder about folks that have been married for over 40 years and still love each other. I am sure they have changed but yet they stay together. Perhaps they grew together rather than apart. The reasons for divorce are various but it seems most are because the couples have changed over the years of marriage. How does one fix that?

Girl..you have no idea how many times I have said "I am not him"

it is so frustrating to be automatically suspect for crap that I haven't done nor would ever do..

But, it is hard..if not impossible for people to see past thier own scars and just assume that we would wound them in the same manner.

I have broken off one relationship cause I got tired of trying to prove that I am not the person who did them dirty. It was just in it's initial stages but, I could quickly tell that I was being held to the measure of some cheating @$$hole....

Screw that! I never...NEVER..have done a woman wrong...and refuse to waste my time trying to walk on eggshells because of what someone else did. I got no problem with turning away from those who can't get over thier past and who just assume that I am gonna be a continuation of thier own failed relationship(s).

So....I will just be me...that will be good enough or it won't. At this point..I have made it through this much of my life solo so I expect my woman to be as independant as me...Got no use for anything less than an equal.

Still...I look forward to each day with the hope for real love...it is awesome when I know that that love is there.

Marriage is for a generation past....it is out moded and out dated...it has run it's course and is dying....loyalty will never go out of style but, marriage is a relic that while, symbolic...serves no actual purpose.