While keeping intelligence in mind, do you sacrifice the truth for the sake of people's feelings?

Blunt honesty seems to get people butt-hurt. I truly value honesty, but why is it some people cant?

I doubt you know, but if you do...

... Please, enlighten me.

There's a little something called "tact." Tact is the art of saying honest things in a polite manner. If you use it correctly, you can be as honest as you want, and people will respect you for your opinion, instead of bracing themselves for the next painfully honest thing you have to say.

The problem with blunt honesty is that it often tends to hit the receiver square in the forehead. They're unprepared for it and it hurts. Using tact cushions the honesty. With it, you can tell them what you want them to know, and not hurt their feelings...as much.

Exactly the kind of answers I'm looking for.

- You = Cool.

I've learned the hard way that people that are ruled by their feelings, like a Kleenex in a tornado, I have no patience nor understanding for. They really need to shut up and listen. And really listen, not hear blah blah blah, and not talk over me. When these chosen few can do this, maybe we can accomplish something.

Tact often is just a rephrasing of one's message. Think of a spin doctor - those guys hired by politicians to make something bad look good and vice versa. It's not candy-coating. Tact has a myriad of forms, each depending on the people involved.

Real life example:

My friend and I were watching something, and he said, "Why couldn't I find a girl like that in high school?"

I responded, "Because she was looking for someone older....more experienced and more mature than a high school boy."

His response: "Wow....I never thought of that, and you said it without hurting my feelings."

Corny, but it really did happen verbatim.

Blunt honesty does have a use though. Sometimes being tactful isn't enough, even when multiple people have used it multiple times to convey the same message to a single person. Each one probably approached the problem from a different angle and perspective, but each had the same message. In these cases, sometimes a person needs the shock of bluntness just to get them to open their eyes and process all the words of advice they've heard. Blunt honestly is a last resort, but if used properly, it is an effective one. In fact, the person may even thank you for it. It might take weeks, months, or even years, but when it has the proper impact - when it makes a positive difference - people often will remember it with gratitude.

Problem is, everybody has a different idea of what constitutes an a**hole.

I really don't have the time or the energy or the interest to sit around trying to determine what's OK to say to who and when and in what context.

So, while I generally don't go out of my way to be rude to anybody I was never married to, if they think I'm an a**hole because of what I say, that's their problem.

There's more important stuff to think about.

Yeah, bit of a waste of time to even bother worrying about it honestly.

If you don't like me, I don't really care...if you don't like the way I say something, I don't really care...if you think that I come off as rude, I don't really care.

Exactly. What kind of impact is that person going to have on your life, anyway? -- some pseudo-quasi-stranger who thinks they know something about you after 3 days and a few e-mails....?

I mean, I have yet to find myself in a position where I'm kicking myself and thinking "Wow, I wish I hadn't been such a jerk to her because it turned out she wanted to buy me a dozen llamas."

See, this is why I ended up self-labeling as the prototype Arrogant Narcissistic Conceited Jerk. Because that's what some people choose to see, and it's actually kind of fun to play with that persona. I'm not really that way, in real life, but -- it's performance art.

well Lex, I mean c'mon. We know that Jeffrey is a psycho-sociopath and his comments must be understood in that context, Fear as long as you post that pic, I can't think of you as F&L - sorry, but it's true

I see no reason to go out of the way to be blunt or rude, and if something nice cannot be said, think long and hard about saying anything. And I'm not talking about disagreeing over dumm stuff like what we should do on a first date - I mean stuff that could hurt someone's feelilngs - like you don't like a gift they gave you, or don't want to continue to date...something like that

If something must be said, tact is the art of being treated as you would like to be treated in return were the shoe on the other foot

My Mama always told me to be as honest as you can be........

^^these
was with someone once that over analyzed every little detail about something someone said! I wanted to hit him with something large and heavy daily. I can't remember something someone told me earlier today, much less every word in the exact order-WTH_can't handle that chit!!!

slowly backs out of thread....

There aren't many who could make it work, though, but I think it fits Fear at least as well as a Laotian skull in a Wisconsin refrigerator.



Bottom line is, I don't see it as an issue of "going out of my way," either way. It's more like it's just not even a consideration. You have to be yourself, and if/when "going out of one's way" becomes a factor, you're doing it wrong.

the more fake the person, the more they demand other's speech suite themself...

the bigger the pretender, the fraud, the more they will demand all speak "kindly" to them...

so, the best way to actually weed thru the delusional, that have worshipped themself so long their brain has turned to mush, is with harsh words.

blunt words weed out potential terrorists, the potential violent, the potential perps of society.

there is no greater tool for disecting the state of being of another human being, than harsh or blunt words.

those that coddle themself, playcate themself, rationalize every negative effect of themself on another, will hate blunt or harsh words...

so, an excellent way to weed these weaker species out.

those that can be offended, are the most childish, and infantile, but live and acting like a child, thinking the world should see self as SELF WISHES TO SEE ITSELF.

and to these, anybody that dosen't, is the sworn enemy, lol...

so, harsh words find the true adults...

damn, the benefits of harsh and blunt words is just so under estimated...

those that but seek for themeself, the takers of the world, hate blunt or harsh words, so again, these are weeded out...

easy to spot who would stab one in the back, and cannot be counted on in any pressure situation, if they collapse under harsh words...

those that can say anything to each other, and still value another person, are the ones referred to when it was once said, one "true" friend in a lifetime, and self be lucky...

so, harsh words have gotten a bad rap in this so called modern society, that becomes more infantile and so more primitive and stupid each day, actually most such becoming villified by the weak and self worshipping delusional ****s of society, to protect themself from any criticism.

these are as babies that want to crawl back into the womb, and want mamma to soothe their woes, and hide behind authority to protect themself as children do a parent, and swear that every last negative word about themself could never ever be true, lol...

in a world of increasing unsanity, find what can hear harsh words, and not hollor, "dont judge me", find what has the most sanity.

find what can hear harsh words, find what actually still aspires to be better, instead of being accepted as a pathetic self worshipper doomed to stagnation and self degeneration of it's own mental facaulties.

and, last but not least, harsh words expose the would be control freaks in advance, so self never has to become entangled with them in private affairs.

damn, such a host of benefits, but so hated, lol...

those that can be offended, are the wannabe dictator's of the world, so will be dictators in any relationship, believing their own mind should be the tell of what words are to be spoken on planet earth.

so, the endless benefits of being blunt, and harsh, should never be underestimated...

only the harshest words have the power to shatter the self absorbed bubble these self worhippers live in.

not to mention, it was supposed to be learned in kindergarten, that sticks and stones can hurt me, but words can never hurt me, and if they can, i am a failure and prone to manic and irrational behaviour, lol...

^ I NEVER read this guy's stuff cuz yanno he's full of it

as for Fear, ya he's a prankster furshure
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I agree to some extent with you,like - unless I'm bustin' balls back & forth w/ someone cuz we're goofingaround, then I prefer to be tactful, that IS being myself for me

There's so much crap we put up with everyday - why pass along more?
be the flower Lex, the clean crisp air, the unique little snowflake

yanno - nice


ur gonna do whatcha wanna - it was just my opinion

I hardly think me or Lex purposely come off rudely, we just come of as who we are...honest. Not just any honesty though, our own brand of honesty.

Not like people are our friends because we are complete jack*sses, different strokes and all that. It works for us, doesn't have to work for you, just has to work for us.

Laotian skull, haha.

I have always believed, if you can't accept me for who/what I am, I don't need you in my life.

Oh yes! You and Lex are very nice - I mean Fear is nice not that photo of..oh whatever.

I don't want to be misunderstood either. I was talking about me not you. I don't think either of you is rude I was jsut saying that I don't think there's a reason to be rude. I defintely agree that we have to be free to speak out thoughts and I think all three of us does that on here w/out being rude. jmho

I know I can come across as curt and condescending...mostly because I know Im smart and dont hide it if the other person isnt at my same level..however, I dont rub someones nose in it or am purposely offensive because I happen to be with an inferior being...

yes, we Vulcans and Romulans must be patient with these humans

they interpret scientific data as rudeness - more Romulan ale pmarco?