Another post here was about what to do or Not to do on first dates. I would just like to change it up a little: what to do or Not do on a first date being a widow.
I HAVE to talk somewhat about my deceased to let the person know what my situation is, but how much MAY be too much??
I would like a little info from any of you, but I am wanting to get a man's perspective on this.

I'm in the same situation and it is difficult to handle. Of course you have to mention them, especially if you were together for a long time.

I think a lot of guys are wary of widows because they're worried they won't 'compare' in some way, or they may feel that you're not ready to move on.

But as long as YOU'RE ready to move on, I'm sure that will come across.

Just remember that everyone has baggage, but ours is different.

Lost my lady. I think I make the mistake of talking about her. When if I was interested in the person I was with, I should give that person my full attention. The topic of the conversation should be about the other you are with at that time. But indeed I find it very hard to go beyond thinking about the person I lost.

Moving on is up to the way you talk with others about their lives and interest. It is hard for me not to move on, the way friends believe I should.

I know that I can never bring back the love I had with my lady. I do want to get to know a new love. Without thinking about my lost. It is very difficult to do so.

I think that I should be very aware of the new persons feelings, and not bring up the way it was with my lost love.

Just my thinking. Hope in some way that helps.

If you are dating, you have moved on.
If you have moved on, bringing up past
relationships is fruitless.
You can simply say you are single,
until you know them better.
Even then, I would be very careful.
Don't kill them with the baggage.
They can see it, if you're toting it.

You have said it all Tazzops.
It IS very hard.
Taking the time to work through that before
loading it all onto someone new seems very wise.

I would not think it is wise but thank you. I do think that it is just common sense to not spoil a new relationship. My love for my lady was so very strong indeed. I can not say that, I will feel the same way with a new person. The new relationship should be about, the way you feel about the new person in your life. Do not compare the old with the new.

exactly - regardless of ur past you gotta give the present (and current potential partner) %110 of ur attention - no exceptions

once you grow closer they will prolly be open to hearing about ur past maybe- eventually

but this is one reason I dont really date widowed people OR anyone too recently divorced (less than, say, a year) One, I feel like I dont wanna wory about whther I "live up" & dont care, for the second- recent divorces mean DRAMA - hate it

If you feel the need that you HAVE to talk about your loss you haven't fully dealt with it and shouldn't be looking for his/her replacement.

It depends on the individual. I lost my fiance' to suicide and it has taken me nearly three years to get a handle on that loss and move on.
Talking about it was helpful and today I have no problem with discussing it. I have not been in a dating situation though, because I was not ready for that. Now that I am, I have no problem talking about the issue.

Being able to talk about it, moves it from that
inviolate part of the brain to the part that has
learned to cope, I think.

Sad for your loss..happy for your continued journey.

I'm sorry. I really like you and was agreeing from the view from your perch. In my age bracket though are quite a few divorced and widowed men. There's another side to your pain, and that is the pain of a woman trying to love a man who cannot let go of his past. I do not want to risk going there. I don't think I have the patience for it. I have played second fiddle before. I won't do it again.

I bring 110% of my attention to the table, and feel I deserve it in return. I guess I am more looking for a man who is like me - fed up with the kinds of partners he's had in the past, totally willing to let them go for someone new & good.

It's no fun competing with another woman who is living - it's impossible to compete with her when she's deceased - at that point she's idolized. I won't compete. I want someone who is into me and ONLY me. period. non-negotiable.

It doesn't mean that there isn't someone who can be more sensitive to men in situations like yours. I'm sure there is.

exactly we (the women on here) are NOT replacemnets

once again, please be careful of the feelings of your date about discussing another woman. WE want to be the focus of your attention - especially in the beginning of things

I look to my gal pals or sister to discuss issues left over from past romances. I wouldn't dream of bringing these things up wiht a new man

Thank you for your kind words.

While I respect your position, what I endured has changed my life for the rest of my life. I would expect that any woman with whom I eventually form any kind of meaningful bond would learn the inner depths of my life, including my past.

i agree, i find comfort and closeness learning what has made the man i adore who he is. as long as it is meant as a sharing, and not intent on creating seperation, it's a beautiful thing.

....sorry, I missed the "first dates" in the title of this thread.