I respect your position also, and I do think that there is a time and a place for the kind of sharing you refer to - but we are talking about first dates here. I do not feel that is an appropriate time for sharing that is in depth-particularly about a past partner. I would find it overwhelming, as well as a sign that u r not ready to move on - if you needed share this much so soon. And if u can't focus on ur new partner long enough to get thru a first date and not refrain from discussing a previous partner than ur just not ready. But that's just my opinion - best of luck to you in your search for happiness. You sound like a very nice person so I am sure you will find it

also @ alpharebel - I am beyond the age to message you, but I wish you to know that I attempted to send my condolences to you for your situation. Please accept my condolences for ur tragedy. how horrible

Some folks are uncomfortable hearing about a loss. If I go on a date, he will already know that I am a widow. If he wants to know more about the situation, then he's welcome to ask and I'll certainly be open with my answers. But making it a topic for discussion seems unhealthy since I'm moving past the loss and trying to gain a life again.

Memories are great. I have many good memories of my own. But hanging onto the past will surely be an obstacle toward grasping a hold on the future.

Thank you for your kind words.

u r welcome and Bon Voyage! It's a pretty frisky journey on Mingle 2 usually! Have Fun & good luck!

Indeed dear lady. So true.

Coming from someone who is engaged to a widower, I can tell you that there is no way to avoid speaking of the past, his or mine. When you are talking to a person that you are interested in things will come up in conversation that can be related to things that happened while you were in a past relationship, no matter what you do. I didn't get annoyed when TheCaptain brought up his wife, it gave me encouragement that this man was capable of having a happy relationship.

The conversation didn't dwell on his late wife nor did we dwell on my ex-husband. Both of us talked for a few minutes about them but didn't make them the topic for more than a couple of minutes. The one real important thing to remember is to not relate everything that happens back to "my husband and I used to do this too" or "_______ used to like when we did that" You have to keep in mind that YOU are the person this new date wants to find out about, not you and someone else.

Good luck to you.

Coming from the point of view of a husband that lost his wife. There are times when I did talk about my late wife to Eileen. We are both mature enough to realize that there are times I need to talk about things, and she knows that I trust her enough to talk about anything. Eileen is the love of my life, and being able to talk to her about my deepest fears and problems, makes me love her even more deeply.

Thanx for the "YOU" reference, Eileen...I think that's what I needed to hear...that I am what they are interested in, not US.
I was married for 22 years to a widower, and throughout our life together I had MANY questions about her. But being on THIS side is MUCH DIFFERENT. I am at a WHOLE LOTTA "firsts" in my life and just needed some input for a "first date/meeting".

You are most welcome. If you ever feel like you need to chat, my inbox is always open.