Well not just sometimes but with everyone. I basically know what my answer is but I was just wondering.
"why do some people not know how to just let the past, stay the past? and another thing "when asked a question and the person is not able to answer it, why do they ask someone else, who probably doesn't even know the RIGHT answer anyways?
I get to know people for who they are now, we all have done things that we are not proud of but these are the things that make us stronger. Not all of us like being an open book for others to keep taking advantage of. Some of us are looking for the same things, so when we find it why not just take it as it is. Some of us like living in the present and look forward to our future. Sometimes I just feel like saying "get over it already" Sometimes we do trust the wrong people and they hurt us but not everyone is like that.
My answer is It's amazing how some look so tough on the outside but are wripped apart on the inside and how others are wripped apart on the outside but are really tough on the inside.
Once again, just my thoughts.

i don't think there is really a right answer here. we all deal with basically the same things in life, but there are many different ways to do that.

sometimes it is the things that follow the bad that dictate our near futures. meaning, if we don't find good people shortly after the bad, we become jaded and some people live as though they expect more of the same. consequently, that is exactly what they receive.

yeah, I guess when someone has been screwed over before, they almost think that it's going to happen over and over. But, I know that I'm not the one who crapped in their corn flakes.. lol So I guess that I think that they shouldn't try to crap in mine. It only makes sense to me. I just don't have the time to
thanks for the reply

The past, the present and the future are all part of us. Time is a human invention. It is a good thing to get over the past especially if one doesn't have a photographic memory. And just how much of that memory can still be jaded when just certain parts of it come to our mind or we remember it from just our point of view? We can get preconceived notions from past experiences that we may think could help us in a present or future experience. When I was hitch hiking I would get these dejavu moments when meeting new people that I had never even met before. I thought at one time it would be good to be an open book because it would help me with my ability to become more honest. From past experience this open book idea had the potential for me to be an easy mark. Vulnerability was not something I was wanting to acquire because I had already acquired that from past experiences. Accepting life on its own terms though was something that I wanted to acquire because that is something that I had had trouble with in the past. By accepting life on its own terms my life became more stable. I could meet people with similar goals and we could learn from each other because we were all attracted to stability. A structured lifestyle can be good for one whether they are stable or not. I used to look at people who weren't deep into intellectualism as shallow but that may not always be the case.

We are accumulative experiences....piled up with all that came before...how one CHOOSES to see their his-tory or her-story, is how they develop the mindset for this moment here...this NOW.

Asking a question, is the same as casting a net....you get whatever falls into that net....some will be of interest, some will be so off the personal radar it cannot even be seen...but still the net is cast...the WANT to understand.

The RIGHT response is what the asker feels/resonates/comprehends to be the right answer.

Your 'right' answer would probably be 'off the radar' for me, as you are not the sum total of my life, nor I, yours.

Think of yourself as a Book.
Each day you flip a page.
There look to be a lot of pages.
At first.

Your choice is always to read on,
see what is happening.
Or to stay on one page, or even
go back, reread over and over.
You can spot those people.
They go nowhere.
Not even on to their own story.

And all the while the pages are
flipping.
Never as many as we thought.

yes I know that life is one learning experience after another and finding people with the same interests always helps. I also know for some that the healing process does take time but what I have found out is that it takes people too, not just time. Things that have happened can't be changed but just because some people hurt me it doesn't mean that the next person will. I know this but for whatever their reasons are, they seem to think that I will. That's why I say" I just don't get it sometimes" I also believe that things happen for a reason and we people for a reason but yes, it's up to us who we want in our life.

Yes. It does take people, too. As Socrates said, "The unexamined life isn't worth living". I wanted to examine the core of my rage. It was a seething volcano that burned to the core of my very being. But there was no relief from it. It wanted to irrupt and tried its damnedest. Sure there were these little fissures that would let off steam but they were only temporary. I had to get some professional help because the lava would cause me to implode instead of explode. I would just shake like a earthquake searching the whole solar system. I wanted so much to go super nova but hell had me trapped. I felt like a black hole taking all the rage in. I almost went postal many times but something just kept holding me back. I just couldn't take this Miranda thing she was trying to entrap me with. Rehab finally helped me to get away from her. And I found the fault line where my lava could be free. They helped me to vent. It was such a wonderful orgasmic spiritual experience. Perfectionism almost completely annihilated me. I am just so thankful for the program. I didn't have to go through World War 3 because we married twice. I found had the war to end all worlds and we are still divorced. Peace is such a beautiful thing.

Ok, to be more specific, I know that I attract people who are like me. They grew up the same way. They were hurt the same way. Some have even done some of the same things that I have done but for different reasons. We all have our reasons as to why we are doing what we are doing in our life and it's really no one elses business as to why we are. If I want someone to know something then I say it to them and when it got repeated to others then well the trust was broken and I just stayed quiet, not talking to anyone about anything anymore. I have tried to say a little bit but without the whole story then they just draw their own conclusions. I will talk with my family different then my co-workers and my friends just like everyone does. I uses to be scared to be alone but now it seems to be better then being someones emotion punching bag. I don't like talking about my tough times because I figured out how to get through them. I have always been told that I am such a nice, kind, sweet and understanding person but then I thought and what the heck is so wrong about that. I am who I am and no one can change it because I like who I am. Then I also thought is that my problem, I don't try to take advantage of others, I don't use others and I don't complain about the things that I had no control over changeing. I don't think about what I can get out of a situation and if something great happens then awsome, right on! I know that I can't fix things for others because they need to have control over their own lives but it really is nice to spend time with someone just because that person wants and needs the company too and when that happens they usually run and it just doesn't make any sense. They say that they want the same things but then come up with reasons to put the distance there. I know first hand that keeping busy only works to a point and then the day does come when we sit there and say to ourselves . I hope that person can understand that I didn't mean to hurt them but it just happened that way. Sorry but to me that's a crock of well you know. I don't like starting something if I don't think that I can finish it or I won't even try to get it started to begin with. My life is just as hectic as the next person but I don't care how crappy my day might of been I still made the time for the people that I thought were important to me just because I wanted too. So the only conclusion that I came up with was the fact that those people got what they wanted from the situation and I guess if they really want to stay in touch then they will. The last thing that I want to do is bother someone or add to whatever they have going on in their life. I know that I'm not that kind of person.

Very nicely said. Thanks
I have thought of myself as a book.. I do believe I'm on chapter 7. Sure I peeked back from time to time but I didn't get stuck in the rut of it. It was just a glance so that I knew how far I have really come not a reminder but it's what got me this far and I know it will take me further. It's great to set goals and achieve what I wanted to and that's just why I can see things differently. I got tired of being around some people who can only see it one way and that's it. My chapter 8 is going to be wonderful and I know it because I will make it that way.

just be careful we dont blame the victim. no wants to be treated badly.

I don't look at people as victims when I hear their stories, I look at them as survisors who wanted things to change, so they did. I was told something a few weeks ago that would  of been enough to make most people run and loose touch with someone but I looked at it as this person is the same as me. Wants the same things out of life and really isn't too scared to just go after them. After hearing a lot of things that triggered a few things in me, I must say that this person really did help and doesn't even know it. But I will be saying thanks just because that's who I am. I know that I'm not a victim otherwise I wouldn't of taken the time to get to know anyone. I'd still be thinking that all they want to do is hurt me but I do enough of that myself, so there really isn't much more that someone else could do. Well actually yeah, that would be creating a distance that really isn't needed but I need my space too and just saying that I could use a hug and some company sometimes must be to much to ask for. So I just stop asking, what else am I really suppose to do but respect others wishes. Over all, it's really not that bad.

IDK why some people do not allow the past to remain in the past. Just avoid them u cant change them. I dont like those types either, but as long as they receiving some kind of reinforcement (be it positive or negative) they will continue rehashing that which brings attention to them. They are largely "attention-seeking" types IME. The best way to stop a behavior of another is through a process call extinguish. This is a removal of a stimulus either by distancing yourself, or refusing to respond. It is very effective.

As for why people ask questions until they find someone who knows the answer. To me, that sounds like normal behavior. To find an answer, I would presume is the reason.

Right on Sweetestgirl...

And that refers to any type of behavior...

Ignore it long enough, and the lack of response will kill it. Usually, I feel, it takes but 5 or 6 times of not responding, that the offender will finally stop. That takes discipline on the part of the one that is doing the listening...

Besides... no one can give an answer to anyone else. Each person, must learn on their own. I have found, that when a person persists in a behavior, it's because they KNOW the answer, they just don't like the answer... So, they look for another answer... And can't find it.

Letting go is a measure of maturity.

And let's remember... WANTING... has NEVER done or accomplished anything... EVER.

Only... DOING, can make things happen...

That's all that I have been doing and to a point it has worked but then they start again and I just say that I really just don't want to hear it anymore. Things are good for a little time and then silly questions come up weeks or even months later. I'm coming to the conclusion that others just don't like seeing me finally be happy with how my life is going. That's all I can think of. Thanks for the response.

I hate when ppl do not leave the past in the past.........


do not come to my door with your baggage!!!! (suitcase after suitcase of shizz!)


Its done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well ya, I understand, but also I think there is a difference between someone needing a friend to talk with about something that is really bothering them, and someone who is just addicted to digging stuff up to create drama (yuck)

If people are jealous that u r doing well now (congrats BTW) that says more about them than it does about u

it can be a lonely world out there sometimes

whoever that is sounds a lot like my x & his family (DRAMA central) I couldn't take being miserable any longer-ack!

You've gotten great advice from sweetest girl & others! You only live once & IMO shouldn't waste it being unhappy!

Thanks for all of the comments that everyone has left. They are appreciated. Many, many thanks. It's great to find others who see the bigger picture. Not for what it was but what it could be.
Take care

You are welcome. Does size matter for a house? When you are single I have found that it really doesn't matter. But in dating I have found that size really does matter. One of the turn offs I have found from women is that my house was just too small. I know of married couples who have encountered this problem. At first when they get together a small home or room seems cosy for dating. But after they get married it is like they can outgrow the confines of a small place. Cosy can change dimensions. As Volkswagen says think big. To think big when you are small is part of growing up. To think big when you are small makes sense but to think small when you are big can be a problem.