Dear A.Human,

If I had a dollar for every one of you who thanked me for that, I'd have exactly a buck. Most people just want this or want that or expect me to smite him or terminate her, or give them this or expect that.

So thank you for your humble thanks. That's all I've really ever wanted.

Signed,
G-Man

P.S. I would have replied to all but the internet is run by the Government and they wouldn't believe me anyway.

actually if she doesn't I do, and BTW, I have posted this before cuz those dudes are JUST ridiculous

Dear knock knees.

Turn town ur bass in ur car for a moment and silence the spinners. So, guy, you wanna look like a thug? U think u a thug with that sideways cap and the crotch of them pants at ur knees and the waist hanging down well offa ur hips so the we KNOW ur wearing sponge bob boxers?

You ain't. No self respecting thug would ever dress that way. U gonna run from the cops in that get up? I don't think so....one quick step and u fall on ur azz tripping over them baggyazz pants

The bling is cool, but the hat and the pants...ummmmmmmmm no, child u ain't ready to rumble in those things, no sir, no way.

Sincerely concerned for ur safety and sanity.

Love,
Sweetest

Dear Illuminated Daughter of Leod,

Thank you for your first letter. After reading it, I now have Oompa Loompa songs stuck in my head. What is worse, I've had a little to drink tonight so am now hearing a mix of oompa loompa songs from both movies, which is, I have to say, both entertaining and disturbing.

Signed M

To whom it may concern -

It unsettles me that after going around in circles, I've realized I want it all, but can't have it. Now that I'm falling asleep, it's all in my head. A perpetual vacuum of circles. I just can't look, but I can hear it... taking control.

Spinning through sick lullabies, choking on your alibies. I guess it's just the price I pay. Call it destiny. The only thing left to do is open up my eager eyes. Even though looking back the sun sets on the Eastside... will I (miss) the brightside?

Sincerely,

- A slightly courageous yet very neurotic individual. <>

Dear Sunny,

You rock.

P.S. - A lot.

Dear Gods of dating...

Is this your idea of a cosmic joke?? Very funny!! Ha! Ha! Why O why O why do I finally go out on a date with what I thought was great guy, only to spend the evening fighting to stay awake AAAArrrggg!!! Were you laughing your celestial azzes off as you looked down upon me??? Sick!! you guys are sick I tell ya!!!

Thanks alot...V

P.S. no really...THANKS!!!

Dear Ex's Mom:

Thanks for telling me that you didn't think I was good enough for your son. Now that I'm single again, I'd have to say that you're right. I'm not "good enough" for men who drink too much and don't work enough to cover their own expenses. In fact, I'm too good for that.

Thanks for helping me to "lower" my standards.

Yours truly,

Sweet

Dear Loser,

I suppose you were right, i was a loser for ever wanting to have anything to do with you.

XO, J

Dear So Cal Bros,

Stop wearing your hat like that, you look like an idiot. Expensive cars/toys do not make you cool, contrary to popular belief. Being able to drink 30 bud lights does not qualify as being able to "drink people under the table". Also please note that cheap tattoos aren't good and good tattoos aren't cheap.


Best Regards,

Ms Myka

I've never understood the 'aspiring to the lowest common denominator' notion

Dear Me,

Do not sit in front of the internet all day reading threads and joining in discussions whre half the people are trolls and the other half mostly doesn't give a ****.

Go to law school, go shopping, hang some pictures.

Then later come back and post on the internet , talk to trolls, and bunch of people who really don't give horse's butt

TaDA!



love y'all - goin' shopping!

Dear _____teen/Twenty-something Male playing music so loud that it registers on Seismographs,

The hearing-aid company is having a sale.
Have yourself fitted for a pair.

Dear Speediot who speeds through construction zones while construction workers are present,

Please do humanity a favor by extracting your cranium from your rectum before you start to drive a vehicle.

Dear Hot Canadian Women,

Why do you have to live so far away from me?

Sincerely,
Sad Single Male

Dear Richard Cranium:
No - I do not want to talk about things. I already talked and I already listened. Done.

Thank you for your kind attention to this message.

Dear Jason Statham,

I realize that you may not be the same rough and tumble in real life as you are in your movies but I sincerely wish you would stop smiling and being sweet in this movie. Get back to the kicking and stabbing and such because it makes so much more sense to me. You smiling should always be followed by a head being kicked in.

With love,
Sunny

P.S. Wear the suit!

Dearest Pancakes,

Thank you so much. I may be rock, but without the roll I'd be nothing. You sir, have all the roll.

Sunny

P.S. Your olley pic makes me jealous, as I have no balance or skills.

Dear Marjorie (aka my trainer at work)

Today was my 3rd day of work and every second I spend in that room with you I like you less and less. I can't quite form a full assessment of why exactly but here is a list of suggestions to stop me from drop kicking you in a dark alley after I quit this job.

1. How about when we all get into the room in the morning you actually explain what we're to do for the day, and then let us get to it.

2. I am an adult, you are an adult and both of us understand what is expected of us. Maybe if you see me sitting there resisting my nature temptation to surf failblog.com you could realize I'm finished all the tasks I've been assigned and you could suggest something. No, instead you have to nag like your my mother and make stupid comments about how I couldn't possibly be that fast. I'm clever. Just so you know.

3. Today when I was explaining my reasons for needing to leave an hour early in order to finish some paperwork for school I actually WASN'T asking. And you saying, and I quote, "You can't just do that, you have to ask me for permission." is not only condescending but incredibly stupid. Are you my babysitter? Would you like a note from my mommy? Because I could write you one like I used to in grade school.

4. Again, we're adults, so don't ****ing shush me. We're capable of thinking and having calm conversation while the challenged girls at the front agonize about how unfair life is.

5. You chest tattoo looks like someone too a **** on you. I know a guy. And if I stop hating you I'll slip you his card.

I hope you take these suggestions as nothing more than constructive criticism and would make it a much happier training room if you took a few into consideration.

Thank you for your time,
Sunny

P.S. Sadly I think nothing can be done about your eyes being freakishly close together. You may want to check if your parents are cousins.

Dear Grumpy Old Men,

Quit staring at my a** then there wouldn't be a problem where my pants hang.

Sincerely,
The Punk

Gotta love those boxer showing punk jeans

How's Fear? Been a while buuuuuddddy!