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| Topic: Does a Friendship die when trust dies? | |
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Now I know this has to be a good question.
I have a friend I knew for years but he was becoming a worst and worst liar over time. What I didn't know was in the circles surrounding him thefts were occurring a lot. It all came to a head Saturday when a laptop a friend of mine's wife and grandparents bought for her son for school came up missing days before he had to go to school with it. The day after the computer was stolen said friend called me to help him get into the computer. The computer didn't materialize in my hands. It was recognized by another friend who mentioned it to me as well as a panicked phone call from both his brother and wife telling me they were sure he stole it and lo and behold they told me it was an ACER computer which remarkably was the same thing I was supposed to service. Now to another theft. one of my other friends had a dirt bike stolen from his back yard. I called the owner and got the make and model. I called another friend who was wondering where the bike came from. Two plus Two equals four. I called the owner after confirming its location and lo and behold we were able to finger the thief, guess who. This gave the oldest brother fuel to confront the thief and when confronted under threat of facing Johnny Law the computer appeared along with a long story about how he got it and how everyone around him owes him money and that he was collecting. Now how does a 14 year old boy owe a drug addict anything? That is who the computer belonged to. A whole lot of theft has been solved thanks to this fiasco. What sucks for me is I got dragged into this by desperate people trying to replace a computer they could not afford in the first place. Now another drug addict has to face up and deal with his problem or get out of my life. There was a lot of tears over this and worst is the thief's mother blamed her grandson's friends in front of him and now she owes him an apology she is having a hard time giving. The boy's mother was advised by me to give it a day or two but her mother in law owes her grandson (the mother in law's grandson) an apology. She didn't want to believe her son was stealing from his own family. First and foremost I am not getting into intimate details here and this is not made up. I lived this drama the last week. The big confrontation was two days ago. things are in that simmering aftermath of grand decisions. After all of this could you trust a 'friend' or is the friendship over? Frankly if he does not turn himself into rehab I don't want him around any more. I resent getting sucked into this BS like I did. I am not mad at the family. I am pissed off at my EX friend! Stealing from your own family is low. Stealing from children is the LOWEST thing I can think of. I mean how low is Whale Shart? Go lower!  And people wonder why I have such a sunshine outlook on life! |
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No! you most certainly cant trust this person again...and dont invite azzface into your homes anymore...period!
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I think you answered your own question when you called him an ex friend. For me the basis of any friendship I have is trust. If theie is not trust then there is no friendship
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I'm all for giving people the benefit of the doubt, and I don't ditch friends easily, but this one hasn't left any room for doubt.
 I'd seek out a new friend, if I were you. |
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If there's no trust, there can be no friendship. Simple.
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I am really sorry you are going through this,it really sucks.
trust is hard to come by in the first place and even harder to mend once broken. I doubt even if you do salvage some of your friendship that it ever will be the same. I know it wouldn't work for me. |
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I have some friends, they are liars, sometimes I think it is a disease- I mean the petty stuff people will lie over. An affair is one thing but somethings, it's not even worth lying over. If you have been friends for years and you dont trust em, dont be mean but just dont initiate contact with them. Thats works well for me. Who knows they may change their ways one day although doubtful. I dunno, good luck. There is always room for new friends though right?
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Wow!! I need a frekin' program w/ pictures and diagrams to follow all that Andy... sorry that you have to deal with it all...
I used to be all about burning bridges in these types of situations... lately though I've been rethinkin' that. Stay true to yourself... try not hand down condemnation. Just a thought... GL. |
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Actually he is in a really deep hole and family members are trying to figure out how to approach the issue but some of them are ready to call the cops on him. All he has to do is show his face. The word is getting out fast now.
The thing is I was dragged into this by friends desperate to get a computer they could not have afforded in the first place back so their son had what he was required to have for school. I managed to play this so I didn't have to go retrieve it. It was tricky but things fell naturally into place with gentle nudges. Now I have to deal with the fallout which is settling in on everyone. I have been getting a lot of 'thank you' phone calls recently. The family is trying to keep me clear of the whole thing. Someone is going to jail whether he turns himself in or he gets handed over to them. Enough said. Someone has to do his penance now for all his sins against his friends and family. This is crap that makes me want to go  really hard! Am I having fun or what? I am not going to hate anyone. Al I have to say is he has to make things right with all of us by going to rehab for real, dump his crazy GF, and get a effing job. Its that or stay away. |
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Sounds like a good episode of:
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its a hard thing to deal with drug addicts, especially when they are friends and family. I have a sister who contacts me at her convenience. Tells me i'm the other half of her soul, ----O really---- I've talked to her like none in the past two years, despite sending her a one way ticket to california to try and help her. And no matter how many times I delete her from my facebook, she keeps coming back, and guess what I do (me=dummy) I add her, message her and then never hear from her again. And so goes the world round! Good luck.
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sounds like he needs an old fashioned *** whippin
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sounds like he needs an old fashioned *** whippin In Pokey Oaks High School for Naughty boys!  Meet the teaching staff! |
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I don't see how you could possibly still regard him as a friend.
He's obviously not the person you thought he was. You may well have got on well previously, but that was just with the facade that he chose to show you. Now you've found out who he really is, that puts a whole new complexion on things. I've had a similar thing happen. Someone who I'd looked on as a friend over a long period of time turned out to be a wife-beater in the privacy of his own home. He fooled everyone. We all thought he was such a nice guy. It's a very hurtful situation to be in because you still feel an attachment to the person that you thought that they were. But you have to ask yourself whether you can accept someone as a friend who has such different moral values. |
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Similar tangent....
Long time friend started helping himself when he got on the meth kick. Progressed more and more and I began to get more ticked off about it. When I noticed about 60 of my porns had vanished I didn't ask...just laid down the law. A couple of mutual friends happened to be over. ..."he aint welcome under my roof. IF Either of you two bring him onto my property I will shoot you in the legs with rock salt." (it is what my shotgun is loaded with) A few months pass and my friends are over and tell me that the guy wants to come by to apologize. I had calmed down. So, he comes in with an armload of porn...I told him to keep it. I was completely honest...I told him that we had been friends for far too long to just easily cast it aside but, I no longer trusted him. He asked "How can I be your friend if you dont trust me?" My reply..."I don't need to trust you. I am your friend. When you have needed a roof over your head, a meal when you were hungry or a friend to laugh or cry with...I have always been there for you and I always will be. As long as I know that you can't be trusted, I will just treat you as best as I can and expect you to f**k me over" Just the look on the guys face let me know that he realized how bad he had f'kd up. That was 6 years ago. He still treats everyone shady.....but me.....he is still ashamed around me. |
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sounds like he needs an old fashioned *** whippin In Pokey Oaks High School for Naughty boys! Meet the teaching staff! can I HAVE the teaching staff??? (one at a time, of course)  
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Similar tangent.... Long time friend started helping himself when he got on the meth kick. Progressed more and more and I began to get more ticked off about it. When I noticed about 60 of my porns had vanished I didn't ask...just laid down the law. A couple of mutual friends happened to be over. ..."he aint welcome under my roof. IF Either of you two bring him onto my property I will shoot you in the legs with rock salt." (it is what my shotgun is loaded with) A few months pass and my friends are over and tell me that the guy wants to come by to apologize. I had calmed down. So, he comes in with an armload of porn...I told him to keep it. I was completely honest...I told him that we had been friends for far too long to just easily cast it aside but, I no longer trusted him. He asked "How can I be your friend if you dont trust me?" My reply..."I don't need to trust you. I am your friend. When you have needed a roof over your head, a meal when you were hungry or a friend to laugh or cry with...I have always been there for you and I always will be. As long as I know that you can't be trusted, I will just treat you as best as I can and expect you to f**k me over" Just the look on the guys face let me know that he realized how bad he had f'kd up. That was 6 years ago. He still treats everyone shady.....but me.....he is still ashamed around me.  krupa, that is a beautiful story. kinda made my night
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Not trying to make up excuses for the ex friend but the drugs have taken over his life. He has no idea what the truth is anymore nor does he care drugs will do crazy things to a person. A person on drugs will steal from you and look you straight in the face and lie just to get what they want.
There is nothing anyone can do except the one that is on drugs. What is sad they don't see what is happening and loose themselves within the drugs. Unless they try to get help they will only get worse... At times ones only choice is to step back and put as much distance between them and you..For sooner or later it will be you they steal from even small things that you don't notice till much later..... I say put the distance as soon as possible if not you will be the next victim...... |
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Now I know this has to be a good question. I have a friend I knew for years but he was becoming a worst and worst liar over time. What I didn't know was in the circles surrounding him thefts were occurring a lot. It all came to a head Saturday when a laptop a friend of mine's wife and grandparents bought for her son for school came up missing days before he had to go to school with it. The day after the computer was stolen said friend called me to help him get into the computer. The computer didn't materialize in my hands. It was recognized by another friend who mentioned it to me as well as a panicked phone call from both his brother and wife telling me they were sure he stole it and lo and behold they told me it was an ACER computer which remarkably was the same thing I was supposed to service. Now to another theft. one of my other friends had a dirt bike stolen from his back yard. I called the owner and got the make and model. I called another friend who was wondering where the bike came from. Two plus Two equals four. I called the owner after confirming its location and lo and behold we were able to finger the thief, guess who. This gave the oldest brother fuel to confront the thief and when confronted under threat of facing Johnny Law the computer appeared along with a long story about how he got it and how everyone around him owes him money and that he was collecting. Now how does a 14 year old boy owe a drug addict anything? That is who the computer belonged to. A whole lot of theft has been solved thanks to this fiasco. What sucks for me is I got dragged into this by desperate people trying to replace a computer they could not afford in the first place. Now another drug addict has to face up and deal with his problem or get out of my life. There was a lot of tears over this and worst is the thief's mother blamed her grandson's friends in front of him and now she owes him an apology she is having a hard time giving. The boy's mother was advised by me to give it a day or two but her mother in law owes her grandson (the mother in law's grandson) an apology. She didn't want to believe her son was stealing from his own family. First and foremost I am not getting into intimate details here and this is not made up. I lived this drama the last week. The big confrontation was two days ago. things are in that simmering aftermath of grand decisions. After all of this could you trust a 'friend' or is the friendship over? Frankly if he does not turn himself into rehab I don't want him around any more. I resent getting sucked into this BS like I did. I am not mad at the family. I am pissed off at my EX friend! Stealing from your own family is low. Stealing from children is the LOWEST thing I can think of. I mean how low is Whale Shart? Go lower! And people wonder why I have such a sunshine outlook on life! I was in a similar situation (a friend had "sticky fingers" as a result of a drug habit). I was livid (she stole my credit card, and went buck wild shopping - sell stuff I guess) and we stopped talking for years. After years of not talking, she went through a lot and eventually got rid of the "monkey on her back". The friendship was salvaged (she initiated contact and we spoke about what occurred/she apologized), but it took time for her to get her chit back together before I could consider her a "friend" again. I am understanding of people going through trials and tribulations in life, but you better make a GREAT effort to get your life in order so trust can be restored. |
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Maybe you can be acquaintances if you are happy with that. But i would'nt be their friend any longer.
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