They all say oh I want a long term relationship and to fall in love. They seem sweet, you meet then only thing they want is a booty buddy. That has been my luck since trying this online dating. So how do you sort through the guys that really want a relationship from those just claiming they want it? An why not be honest from the start, that way I wont waste my time or gas in meeting you.

I dont sleep with them I aint sleeping with no one till we go get tests done.
They just keep claiming they want a relationship, then when we meet they are like oh you wanna go have sex, I say no get in my car and leave.
Its just hard to keep trying when thats all you have met are the posers.

I agree it would be so much better to be honest right from the start...there are both men and women who are just looking for "booty buddies" so why not just say so. I mean there is nothing wrong with that if that is what a person is looking for but they should be honest and upfront about it! I would agree with klc don't even sex chat with them..build a trust first. When the time is right the right one will come along. You can't rush love! Good luck....

I agree...change the pictures, but I think you're doing all you can do. Maybe, like was already stated, tell them before you even meet that you're not going to sleep with them anytime soon. If all they're interested in is sex, they won't put in any more effort and they'll move on.

Hang in there...I know it's hard, but the right one will come along.

dont give up there are ten posers for every real guy but that real guy makes it worthwhile keep your head up and really get to know them youll see if thats all there after theyll move on and youll be left with someone worth meeting

Hun, I know exactly how you feel, its like every time I start talking to a guy who says he wants a relationship, it always turns into "all I really want is sex". I have tried a couple different things and it has helped somewhat

1. when the converstion starts leaning towards sex, I change it to something else

2. if they don't take the hint I tell them I want to get to know them as a person first

3. if they keep bringing up sex, which most do, I tell them I don't have sex with anyone until I know we are exclusive, that one runs quite a few off :)

4. if they start to send picture texts with them naked or the like I keep some very gross naked pictures that I have gotten as texts and send those back to them

those have worked pretty well, nothing is fool proof tho but keep looking out there I promise there is someone who is worth it and makes you feel worth it too

As a guy who really is (was) looking for a long-term relationship, let me just say that there are big problems for those of us on this side of the fence, too.

And the issues I've had all seem to revolve around honesty, too -- they tell me they want the same things I want, UNTIL the relationship has progressed for a few months, at which time they start trying to change me.

You're right when you ask "Why not be honest from the start?" It's a valid question, and I don't have any answers. I just know that it doesn't seem to be out there.

the problem may lie in the terminology ...for example, if one is truely looking for a "Long Term Relationship" wouldn't that mean they are actually looking for "MARRIAGE"?......and if they are not looking for marriage then why would they claim that they are looking for a "Long Term Relationship" and therefore setting themselves up to be a booty call

so the solution is simple...express that you seek to "court" someone that practice celebacy until marriage...

if that is not what is meant by Long Term Relationship and the woman doesn't seek marriage or celebacy and want to have sex in the relationship then it's called "sending mixed signals"....so why blame the guys

exactly there are women who do it to but as long as you know what your looking for youll eventually find it

So how do you sort through the guys that really want a relationship from those just claiming they want it?

By doing exactly what your doing darlin. You just have to sift through. Tedious, discouraging, annoying, But thats what it takes. I hear ya, Im shlogging through it too. But, I also belive it will be worth it in the end. I hope you find your hearts desire soon

I hesitate to call them all posers… or even say that they’re not being honest. While I think that some people who want to date casually are often presenting themselves as looking for a serious relationship is common...(and it kinda confuses people who are focusing on finding a life partner)... it’s more about them not taking time in their lives to doing some introspection.
Some do it on purpose, no doubt... but some are just kinda' dancin' their way through life not realizing that they can confuse... they aren't being mean or manipulative. They’re generally looking for a LTR but casual dating until something more serious if it comes along. It's up to you/us to differentiate those people. Dancing through life is great... I love those people and wouldn’t want them to change. Yeah it would be great if they all looked at themselves a bit more but that’s their decision… I cross ‘em off my “list” when I finally understand. I like thinkers and a life well examined… a playful spirit is a must too.
That you’re searching for a partner in life... and see it all as a more serious thing doesn’t make them posers. Yeah, if they out and out lie to ya’, nuke ‘em! I realize that playa’s abound.

I think it's important to realize the "poser/real peeps" ratio... if it's 10:1, that means you'll prolly date/interact with 10 less serious folks and 1 potential mate. (And yeah, if you advertise that you’re a sensual person… you gotta expect horny fellas are gonna be contacting you…that’s just biology… it might not be right, but it’s so) Whatever the number actually is… the point is, that you’re going to have more interaction with folks that aren’t gonna be right for you. So given that, we need to know how to handle those people... have a game plan for weeding people out. Learn to spot it sooner and with less heart-felt connection. The responsibility is ours. Some go about it with a pass/fail mindset… I’d call that serial-dating. Some go about it just trying to get to know others… I’d call that living. Most do something in between and w/o a plan. Regardless of your own style… have a plan to simply see the person for who they really are and moving on when they don’t match up to your life-style.

You can get angry and upset about it all, because it really does suck sometimes... but also understand that it simply is what it is. It’s a sifting and sorting process… the best we can do is to know ourselves and know what we’re looking for. Don’t put expectations on people that don’t belong there… don’t fantasize about “wouldn’t it be great if he/she had qualities that I adore and they loved me too” when you haven’t learned anything about them YET. And that’s what these sites are for… learning other people.
Sometimes just watching people in the forums can be part of the game plan... saves on all the dating expenses and plane fare… js. GL.

im sure some dont realize it heck maybe some of them are even testing you cant say i agree with them but heck to each his own

Well, I have been accused of over thinkin' chit, haha!! But that's right, to each their own...

agreed so the shots are on me

No one ever said that dating would be easy. It is not like you can walk into a store and pick out the right one.

If it was that easy to find the one we wanted to be with no one would be single that did not want to be......

this is true

I hear ya.

Make it clear there will be no sex while planning the meeting...and while getting to know them online as well.

btw, I looked at your profile and you are clear about your intentions, but the only pics you provide are bikini shots or of you in a bed. I would look for something your mom may have of you on the mantle.


Yes the pictures say something entirely different than what you say. I like you pictures though, and just because some are in bed, non revealing, doesn't say you want us there. The bikini ones are different - here's my boby!
Have pictures - fully clothed in 'G' situations. Even in nice clothes sitting on or standing by your a bed, to me is not suggestive to me.

Ron

I think the problem here is that women are taught that we have to be sexy and appealing in order to attract a man. Men, being primarily visual, focus on the picture rather than the words. So if you post pictures of yourself in a bikini or on a bed, a man could potentially see that as an invitation for sex right away but as a woman, its a way to "stand out" and get noticed.

Of course they want to fall in love......for about 12 hours!

Very well said.