I still can't believe that my husband is gone...We were married for over 24 years...Thought we'd have another twenty plus years together but he developed pancreatic cancer and it became a "losing battle" in the end. Really sad...I haven't been part of the "dating scene" since the early 80's...Don't really know the ropes anymore. I'm a "newbie" all over again...Being a widow is different than being divorced...I was divorced earlier in life but this time I wanted to stay married...I didn't want my husband to pass away and leave me....I know my husband wouldn't want me to sit home alone forever and ever and cry over his death. He would want me to reinvent myself and go on with life...I'd love to hear from other widows and widowers. How did things go when you started getting out more and dating? Did you feel weird and strange at first? Did you feel guilty? Thanks for listening. Looking forward to making new friends here.

klc...Thanks for writing. I'm sorry that your sister lost her husband...My marriage wasn't perfect...We had our "moments" but all in all we stayed best friends and really loved being together...I'm 61 now and this seems like an odd time to be "suddenly single." My husband and I took pride in staying "young at heart" and open-minded...I'm not really a senior center kind of person...Don't mean to put senior centers down...I just enjoy being part of a larger world and interacting with people of all ages...I don't wrap my identity around being a grandma either but I do enjoy my grandkids and kids of all ages because they can be so real and honest...Anyway...thanks for responding and listening and caring.

Hi Greeneyes

Yes, I'm a recent widow too and started dating again back in March of this year.

We certainly do have a lot of issues that most people who haven't experienced widowhood find it hard to relate to.

Feel free to contact me any time if you want to talk 'out of the public eye'.

Denny4844...Thanks so much for taking the time to write. I am so sorry you lost your husband...Were you nervous when you went on the first few dates? Did you find yourself comparing the men you dated with your husband? Thanks for inviting me to write to you privately too....I will. Thanks again.

i too have lost my soulmate it's very hard not having her around especially as she done everthing for me even wiped me nose 8months ago now she not here should've bin me who went first but God wanted her

Its been about five and a half years now since my wife's passing. Never was comfortable with dating and that hasn't changed. Its been about a year since I went and got a friend out of prison; September 1 she will be a boarder for a year here. She has her own room which is small; It used to be my junk room. So when she moved into the room all my junk got scattered all over the house. About the time she moved in I started on making the new room off to the side of the house. Before she moved in I started to get rid of the cobwebs, roaches, lady bugs and added a new coat of paint to the old walls. I bought a Venus Fly-trap to help with the roaches as I was bombing continually. But the Fly-trap got ate by the roaches. This place has went through extensive Pine-Sol. I even tried pure Ammonia; Bad idea. It took a while to catch my breath. Please don't try pure Ammonia unless your place is really vented and big fans to blow it outside. It damned near killed me but I had the whitest refrigerator, bathtub, sink and commode. Yeah, don't try that stuff at home, kids. I almost got the pump-house clean. Still don't know what to do with all the canned jars my mother and sisters jarred up. I have been eating the jelly, jams and preserves but man they canned about everything they got out of those huge gardens. I was talking to my brother-in-law just the other day when mom had him get all her stuff out that belonged to her mother and told him y'all need to come and get some of this stuff; I can't eat it all myself. Hope to get the new room done soon and it will be separate from the rest of the house. After five years I have become used to living alone and I miss my privacy.

I don't have any experience with the situation, but I've been pretty observant of other people and the issues they faced with this situation.

Of course it will feel weird and strange at first, especially given the tragic circumstances by which you have jumping back into dating. Guilt is personal, I don't know you, so I'm not sure if you will or not.

Dating is no different, same as it has always been aside from we have a few more choices now unlike then. One foot in front of the other, but only when you are ready...essentially, when you don't have to ask questions like these, try it out and see how it feels. Might be that you don't want to date, and that is okay too, not everyone has to date if they don't want too or feel uncomfortable doing so.

It has been many years for me, being widowed, and I can honestly say I think I have run the gamut of feelings and experiences. Seems like there are some crazy ideas floating around about how people are suppose to think and react. I personally think it is one of those experiences that is unique to each person.

As far as dateing times may change but the values that can live with probably won't so be true to yourself. I figure most decent adults appreciate being treated with honesty and courtesy and letting the relationship stand or fail on it's own merits makes the most sense.

It sure has seemed like it is ten times harder than recovering from a divorce where the expectattions are clearer cut.

Thanks for your posts...I'm sorry that you lost your spouses too...It's rough. It's hard to start over...But life goes on and I guess we have to pick up the pieces and put ourselves back together and go on too...

GreenEyes48, my wife passed away 8 weeks ago. So I feel your pain.

Dodo David...I am so sorry that you lost your wife. Thanks for writing.

My mother had buried 2 husbands before she was 40.

She used to joke that at least she knew where they were.

She married a third time and it lasted over 30 yrs until she passed.

By all means continue to live life as best you can, do your best to be happy. Involve yourself in issues and activities that you enjoy.
Take the time you need to grieve your loss......but don't linger for too long.

Good Luck to you.

michiganman3....Thanks for taking the time to write. Thanks to everyone...

I've never married, so I can't relate to your loss/pain. However, I wanted to wish you well while you embark on this new chapter in life.

My sincere condolences.

Sorry for your loss..
I've been a widow 3 1/2 yrs now..after a 26 yr marriage... My husband and I talked about moving on but it does take some time..The first time I met someone for dinner, I thought I would have to stop the car and throw up.. It had been 28 yrs since I was on a date....lol I miss being in a relationship and hope I can find someone...My kids don't object to me dating or looking, they just want me to be happy...I too, am not ready for the senior citizen center thing.. It makes me feel old and inside I am very young at heart and still very active..

Thanks for writing. I'm sorry you lost your husband. It takes time to stop feeling married....I keep saying "we" because I've been a couple with my husband for so many years. But there is no "we" anymore...just me now....It takes time to get used to being alone again. It's quite an adjustment. Thanks for sharing.

I hear that. I had to take the marriage certificate off the wall because it reminded me of how we were so happy. On a dating site before this one at connectingsingles.com I had a picture of my departed spouse with me on my profile picture. I thought this should show that I am a good guy as you could tell from the picture how much my spouse and me were in love. But women asked me why I had a picture of me and my spouse on a dating site. I told them that she is dead and would not bother them. To me it was a comfort because it was like she was still with me. I mean how could women be jealous of someone who had already passed on. I mean to me that was just crazy then but then I was still crazy from the grief. I was still fighting the nonacceptance of her passing. And eventually from the griefshare meeting the counselor who also a widow said that you just can't replace them. They are not like disposable batteries is the way I look at it now. Took a long time before I quit using the picture of her and me on my desk. And that took courage, too because I had to accept the passing each time but eventually it didn't hurt and more and became comforting. But then I seen it as a crutch and I was able to start becoming independent where it is just me. I have been through so many strange feelings because of the loss but it took what it took.

Rainbow Trout...Thanks for being so open and honest about how you felt after you lost your wife...I don't have a photo of my husband on my profile page but I feel like we are still "merged together" in so many ways...I know that I am going to have to reinvent myself and reinvent my life and as you mentioned...this takes time. Nobody wants to live in the shadow of my deceased husband...But I can't pretend that he didn't exist either....It's going to be awhile before I view myself as totally single. I need time to heal and let go....Thanks for sharing your story. I'm glad that you have done so much healing and growing. Sorry that you lost your wife.