I'm not surprised at all.

(IMDb review)

No doubt about it. Worst movie I've ever seen.

Now, don't take this lightly. I'm not the kinda guy to just idly pass this sort of judgement. Not am I a casual movie viewer. I love movies; they're almost my life. Horror movies especially -- I review those on the internet -- except the only horror I felt from Witchouse was how bad it was.

So yeah, I'm serious about this. Worst movie ever. It isn't just that I didn't enjoy it. Every possible way this movie could have been bad, it was. Acting, casting, writing, lighting, setting, directing,costumes, special effects, camera angles, did I miss anything? I bet even the best boy sucked, whatever that is.

Guess I should probably say why. To start off, there was not a single line of dialogue delivered by any one of the characters in this film that I feel a real human being would say. "Let's make like a baby and head out." Come ON. And if I have to here that one guy say, "You know, I AM an applied sciences major.." ONE more time, I'm going to sob all night long into my pillow.

This film isn't about the ocean, but you'll soon forget that fact as the camera sways back and forth, back and forth, JUST like a boat, during the "important scenes." If I wasn't throwing up in disgust at this film, than it was because I was getting seasick.

Now, like many horror buffs I'm a big H. P. Lovecraft fan, which is why I have about a handful of hemorrhages whenever I see a film "based" on his work. Witchouse doesn't claim to be, but it's got as many allusions to his legacy you can get this side of the Miskatonic. Only they're all horrible misuses of his brilliance. The "Necronomicon" isn't roughly translated "Book of the Dead" in this but the family bible of a clan of witchs. And it's spelling with a U, for chrissake!

I won't spoil the ending -- Matthew Jason Walsh did that himself when he wrote it -- but I will tell you that it is anti-climatic, predictable, poorly-acted, poorly-writen... but if I keep on listing negative terms about it, then my thousand word maximum will soon be up.

In terms of scares, I can count how many times with movie scared me on the fingers of my left foot. Everything designed to pull screams of horror instead pulled groans. It was an A to Z of cliche, dried-out horror techinques that don't work very well. Wow, the lights went out. Wow, there's lightning. Wow, that actor seems to have on too much make-up. I can honestly say I was not even almost scared once. Not even when the monster recommended one character: "Don't lose you head!" and then, gasp, ripped his head off.

And let's not forget the acting. I wasn't sure if I was watching a horror film or a bad T & A where the girls were just forgetting to take off their cloths. Given, they didn't have much to work with, and I will offer a moment of silence for the late Dave Oren Ward, who died in time to be honored in the credits, but even still, you'd think they were TRYING to suck. Overacting or underacting, with no middle ground. I mean, confronted with an anchient witch -- even one as silly-looking at this movie's villian -- they could at least try to look a LITTLE scared.

Despite the high expectations you might have of the man who directed such timeless classics as 1988's "Sorority Girls in the Slimeball Bowl-a-Rama," and the immortal "Test Tube Teens from the Year 2000," David DeCoteau direction was rather crummy as well. The music was mediocre. The costumes were laughable. And so on and so forth.

You know, when I set about writing this review I told myself I'd make the most of the thousand words IMDB offers, but to tell the truth this movie doesn't even warrent it. I'd rather just forget I ever had the misfortune of watching it and try to get on with what remains of my normal life.

Bottom line: Nothing good in this movie. Everything bad. Don't see it. DON'T SEE IT! I know sometimes after I read a really bad review of a movie I'm like, "Heh, I gotta check that out just to see what was so bad about it."

This is not one of those times. Serious. Do NOT watch this film.

just started reading pride an pred an zombies bout 100 pages in fckin pretty cool so far. tried looking up the book of the dead anthologys u mentioned at the library w/no luck do you know the publishers of the two short story collections you recomended torgo?

I have the paperbacks, both are Bantam.

Recommended:

The Night Walker (1964)

What the movie is about:

A wealthy woman is terrorized by recurring dreams regarding her jealous, blind husband who supposedly burned to death in a recent fire. She tries to convince her attorney that the nightmares are real.

Movie Review:

Dark and spooky movie about murder and deception with a number of twists and turns to it that keeps you guessing until the very last frame.

"The Night walker" is one of those films that doesn't seem to be what you at first think that it is; Something between a horror and psychological movie. The movie skillfully goes from one side of of line to the other throughout it's almost entire time on the screen until that last ten or so minutes when you really see it for what it is and it's very effective in doing it.

"The Night Walker" starts out like something out of the "Twilight Zone" or "One Step Beyond" with a very good prelude about the world of dreams and how we who dream becomes "Night Walkers" in them. Howard Trent, Hayden Rorke, is a blind millionaire who's suspicious of his wife Irene, Barbara Stanwyck. Howard thinks that Irene is cheating on him but all the evidence that he has is a number of audio tape recordings he secretly recorded in her bedroom while Irene was talking in her sleep.

Howard tells his friend and lawyer Barry Moreland, Robert Taylor, how he feels about his wife Barbara at the start of the movie. You somehow at first think that it's Barry who's the man who having the affair with his Irene. It's seems that the blind but very cagey and clever Howard is manipulating both Barry and his wife Irene is some kind of sub-rosa plan that he's cooking up for them. A little later after Howard got into a fight with Irene he goes into his secret room where he keeps all of his audio equipment and tapes, as Irene runs out of the house, and the room suddenly explodes with him being blown to bits to where there's nothing left of Howard but molecules and atoms. With her husband dead and Irene now all alone in the house her dreams,or better yet nightmares, become more and more pronounced and real to the point where she has to leave the house in order to keep from going insane.

Moving into a room at the back of a beauty shop that she owned now instead of her dreams stopping they become even more real to the point where she can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality. Irene conjures up this "Dream Man" Lloyd Bochner, who appears to Irene at night. The "Dream Man" is so real that when he gets her to go out with him one evening to a chapel to get married the next day when Irene was driving with Barry through the city streets Irene recognizes the places that she went with her "Dream Man"! Is Irene dreaming all this or is it real? if it is real why and who is behind all this? and even more if it's real what are the reasons for doing this?

Plays like a very good whodunit with Robert Taylor and Barbara Stanwyck giving the movie the attention and class that it wouldn't have gotten if it had much less known actors in those two top roles. The ending to the movie was not at all that contrived as if the screenplay was written only for shock value. The ending tried and succeeded in tying all the loose ends together and giving the film a satisfying instead of a confusing ending.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kz2yFMbvdrI

The Night Walker is a great movie. I don't think you can go wrong with the teaming of Castle and Bloch.

How to survive a zombie apocalypse during the holidays.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UqEhUm2B_8

That's cool! They did a good job with that, I love those 50's instructional films. I have the 70's zombie flick The Child on Something Weird DVD and they included a couple of instructional movies from back then...One is The ABC of Babysitting, and the other is Life Is Hell When You're An Outsider.

For Christmas a friend got me DVDr copies of these films:





I've seen Hospital Massacre, but not since renting it in the 80's. Barbi Benton is in it, I think she's most famous for being one of Hugh Hefner's girlfriends.
I have seen Jennifer several times, just never owned it. It's one of the best of the Carrie rip-offs.
And the bonus is Terror Eyes, I'll be honest and say I've never even heard of it! What?! I know, weird...and it's an anthology! Love those.

The Holy Grail of zombie flicks?

Dead End (1985)

An unstable filmmaker risks his crew to shoot a documentary in a town overrun with flesh-eating zombies


According to the filmmaker it was never released, so the 2 reviewers must be lying?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0131260/board/nest/159265730?p=1

I have to check out those you mentioned that I haven't seen yet!

According to IMDb, the scene where Brenda Epps vomited was not scripted nor rehearsed. She became increasingly ill due to the film's constant blood and violence, and ultimately was unable to complete filming. If this is true, I have to see it. Haha. There was a trivia there that gave the impression that real blood was used. Ah, to see a copy...

Look at this: http://www.necrohiphop.com/forum/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=42009

They're trying to find it too. Haha.

It doesn't have the 2 I mentioned, but here are some instructional films you can download- they range from the 40's through the 50's-

http://www.archive.org/details/coronet_instructional_videos

I love that they called the director a schmuck because he doesn't have his own copy

Does it exist? Is the supposed director bullshitting? Did the reviewers(the 2 reviewers)on IMdB actually see the movie? If so, how? Since the director claims the film was never released.

Been searching on the net, I did find out that Sid Davis produced The ABC of Babysitting- yet it's not listed on his IMdB filmography. He produced a bunch of them.

Here's some more you can watch- http://www.jonbehrensfilms.com/educational.html

I can actually believe this since I have seen some films BEFORE the actual cinematic release. This is due to the fact that sometimes, employees sell a copy to movie pirates or upload it to a site.

Ooh! Nice! I bookmarked it! Thanks!