This is a scenario my friends and I were discussing but had no idea on how to answer:

Girl is in love with a guy who has a child. The kid doesn't live with him, but he gets to visit his offspring every weekend in his single ex's house who keeps trying to get him back. He assures you that even if hell freezes over, they're over. He just loves his kid.

Questions:

1. How can one make a child feel at home with a stranger, such as yourself, if you're in the girl's shoes?
2. How do you deal with the ex?

He visits the child at the ex's house eh??? Seems to me that he likes the "family reunion". There's no dealing. Just move on. Why can't he bring the child to his home?

This is one of the reasons I totaly refuse to date a man with younger children

I really do not want to do the kid and ex dance with anyone

if his kids are adults. Fine

I want it to be me and my man on the weekends

Sunday in bed with him and Noone else in the house

I wanna make noise. Lol. !!

first thing I thought about the situation

second thing is ... weekends is not equal visitation
has it been through the courts?

if court cases are still pending .... run like hell.

God

who wants to go through that ********!!

I think it's because there was never a court hearing. I was told the guy would lose because he had a record for something he did when he was 18, so he knew dragging it into court would be unfavorable to him. Also the reason why he can only visit weekends, I think.

Gossipmpm, you make me laugh a lot.

I have actually done this after my first marriage split up. I started going out with a new love interest but I still went to my ex house a couple times a week to spend time with my son and my ex's family. There was no way we were getting back together even though he wanted to and even though it hurt him, he loved me enough to respect my feelings and appreciate that we still had a friendship in which we could enjoy our son together. My in laws were emotionally as much my family as my biological because of how much support they gave emotionally to me AND my son and just because his father and I broke up had NOTHING to do with them or wanting to have them in my life. It was the same for him and to this day he still calls my mom occasionally to ask advice or chat. If you have a partner you can trust, I wouldnt let the visits bother you, but if they do, make sure you talk to him about how you feel.

..so my biased answer is

1. if the relationship gets deep enough that this child is introduced in your life, speak with their parent about what type of role they prefer you to take(friend, aunty, new authority figure, stepparent...etc...)

2. there is no need to 'deal with the ex', that is her spouses job.

Thanks, Ms. Harmony. Was hoping to get answers from all angles.

the dad needs to set up a better visitaion schedule if he wants a social life.

Been thru that, once a schedule is established every other weekend seems to work you can have a dating life. Sounds like the dad don't really want to date as yet.

Too much drama..... move on.

I would see "red flags" IF he could only see his child IF he spent the time with his ex too!! IF he really wanted away from the ex, he would have went to court and fought for visitation. IF he did something when he was 18, I really doubt the courts would still judge him for it..if anything, he would do supervised visits and it wouldn't have to be with her!!!
I guess my whole reason why I don't deal with a man who has to go through drama like this IS because I DON'T HAVE TO AND I DON'T WANT TO!! I try not to date any man that has younger children OR has a psycho ex!!
I would say run..I don't think he is ready to let go of her yet OR he would be busting his butt trying to figure something else out so he don't have to deal with her!!!
Good Luck

If he hasn't "dragged it through the courts" then they were probably not married. So she falls under the category of ex-girl friend as opposed to ex wife.

Either way........
The girl should disengage from this ASAP.

Thanks for the input, guys! Some are really enlightening. Will make sure she reads these. If you have more to say, though, just keep 'em coming. They are much appreciated. Though the final decision will always depend on the person herself, it's a good thing to know other people's say, as an objective perspective on the situation, that friends can sometimes be unable to give.

Is that what the court ordered...visitations supervised? If so...why?

Nope, there were no courts involved. As far as I know, the guy had some sort of record and because he was 18, got convicted and his friend got a slap on the wrist since the friend was 17. I think it was one of those stupid things some teens do...anyhoo, I don't recall the details. Nothing major, that I'm sure of, but he thinks that if a custody battle ensues, he would lose because of this one mistake he did in his youth. So he just visits the child every weekend and give monetary support.

Michiganman was correct in saying they weren't married. Forgot to include that info.

He pays support and was never married...can still seek proper visitation rights.
Not right what his ex is doing.She is not thinking about her child.
If I were him I would see a lawyer!

Yeah, I said that too. I guess the guy is just scared of losing his daughter completely or seeing her less. The ex, I was told, has a clean record, so if a legal battle ensues, he may get even less than his current weekly visitations.

I feel for them,really.

I see womens's profiles all the time that declare that their kids always come first. I guess it works for both sexes. Perhaps men should be just as straight forword. No matter what its toughest on the kids.

first thing if they were never married when the baby was born legally the father has no legal rights. He would have to take her to court to even get legal rights. then would have to go to court for visitation rights. but what is the deal with the record at 18?? That right there put's a red flag up.

well i got 4 kids and seperated after 12 years we never took it to court and we never married but if i took it to court id win but then i would rip them away and they would hate me for it so is that fare.

I am a divorced father with custody. It is not easy for women to accept a man that takes charge of his kids when she has no kids of her own. If a man with no kids dates a woman with kids, he has to adapt to the change if he plans to make it work. Kids comes first. A woman must do that as well. I wouldn't say she should leave him, but instead ask 1) why he must stay at the ex's house to visit and 2) can she become part of the boy's life.

I agree with someone else though, the new woman should not have contact with ex. That is the father's job.