Just think about it!

I think anyone gets a far better chance by joining some off-beat group activity like drawing or painting pictures etc..discussion of anything else but dating.

The 'bar scene" is a false idea also. Ask your parents or grandparents if they have met in a bar or not. Most likely they didn't. Sure You or your brother or parents has met women and guys at bars for a one night stand, but I doubt that most marriages would be the result of bars and clubs.
Most likely they met at a job or just simply walking into each other on the street or at a school.

Now, since we have the internet and facebook and whatever else..it's just so "in-your-face" that it's more scary than invinting. And let's not under estimate the freaks who are sick in the head from the start and the 1% ruins the other 99%.

And the biggest problem is, that deep down in your mind, you know well, that person messaging you is asking about your dog's name because he want to go out with you. And it doesn't really matter what your dog's name is really or what is your favorite food. For those questions, you could just answer with anything really, it doesn't really make a difference, unless you eat bugs or human flesh dinner.
The person is talking to you for the sake of talking, but not because he feels like your dog's name is very important or what you ate last night for dinner.

So what's my point?
My point is, that people are judging each other based on their skills of questioning and grammar, but not who they are. If you are a woman, you get a mail from a guy, first thing you think is that this guy is either trying to get into your undies or really want to keep a relationship with you.

Well guess what. In both cases, the guy is trying to get into your undies. If you don't like that, don't know what to say. That's why other women wear miniskirts and show off cleavages. It's not like you weren't inviting them in the first place.

For guys, it can be a challenge. Why? Because you are not sitting at a bar and striking up a conversation, but you are looking at cleavages and skirts and trying to suppress your real thoughts, why you were attracted to the person, so they come up with BS like "I just love your drawings" or "we share the same interest about movies and music". The real reason is, he is trying to get into your pants and if he likes it, he wants to stick with you.

So there you go..

LOL...u have a point there...I'm starting to think that this is hopeless...what is a homebody to do...oh yeah join a painting club...I was actually thinking about taking tennis lessons tho just for fun...maybe I'll meet someone there

Exactly! Or a gym club, but it could be a school or someone who gives sessions, hey even political gatherings, like a local event in the town and so on. An October fest or a biker's group, hunting clubs or some sort of a league or organization for a cause.. "don't kill the rainforests" or "save the turtles".

What's wrong with having human flesh for dinner?

Well, I'm certainly not interested in marriage -- once was enough -- but I wouldn't date anyone who was in a bar anyway. Just a personal preference.



I've met 9 people from dating sites, and all of those were horrible experiences. Everyone else I ever got involved with, I met through friends. Those were not good experiences, either, but they were less horrible than the on-line ones. Friends will generally not fix you up with arsonists and phony kidnap victims, etc.



I don't find it scary so much as bland, unappealing, completely unoriginal, and plagiaristic. Most of the profiles are exactly the same; they could be using a template.

I get IMs and e-mails every day from new people who all say exactly the same thing. Even the questions are asked in exactly the same order. They don't pay any attention to the answers either. They will ask the same question 5 times, even if I've answered it the first 4.

It's hard to generate much enthusiasm when the people who contact me show all the intellect and initiative of a cow sleeping in a pasture.



Really? By those criteria, I should be doing really well here -- I've written 4 books, I studied psychology for 7 years, I know a little bit about asking questions, and my grammar is pretty decent.

And none of it matters in this venue.



I'm not even going to try to pretend to understand the female perspective on this. All I've ever seen is that they want a guy who they can mold into a domestic farm animal.



That scenario is absolutely more realistically applicable in a "real-life" context.

But there is -- for me, anyway -- a certain detachment mentality that comes with the on-line environment. Maybe it's because I've had the awful experiences in the past, maybe it's because I don't see anyone even remotely compatible on any dating sites, maybe I've subconsciously come to grips with the "they're more trouble than they're worth" mindset -- I don't know.

I just can't be "attracted" to someone on-line if all I have to work with is a picture -- usually that's no help, anyway, since half the profiles use pictures of 2 or 3 or more women and they never bother to tell you which one the profile belongs to. I need to know something about a person before I can feel any connection -- and if you've read any sort of representative sampling of dating site profiles, you've seen my dilemma. "I don't know what to write here" doesn't cut the proverbial mustard.

See the thing is..it comes down to the majority. Humans are just like monkeys. They copy each other. And some humans are more monkeys than other humans. They extremely copy each other and don't even try to be an individual. When they come to a dating site, the first thing they do is read a bunch of profiles and then write their own. If they don't do that, they just "google it" how it's done. And then you got some "expert" at yahoo or match.com or Dr. Phil, who will give out a blueprint for a "successfull profile".

It's like resumes. You supposed to follow a guideline. If you hate guidelines and have your own open mind, you are in big trouble. You did not follow instructions and you look more like someone who doesn't belong here to the rest of the chocolate chip cookies, which are all circle and have chocolate chips in them.

damn am i rubbin off on you? now at least you have your age as a good factor dont give up yet!!!!

Well, to me, there's a bit of a difference, but I see your point.

Here's the thing -- if I'm a manager at McDonald's, and I'm looking to hire someone to flip burgers, there's a pretty standard/limited set of skills I'm going to be looking for. I don't really care if the person reads Nietzsche or wants to be a rodeo clown sometime down the road or if their uncle used to be the Ambassador to Ghana. All I need is someone to flip burgers and not injure the customers and co-workers.

But if I'm looking for a girlfriend, well, that's going to require a lot more versatility. And I realize that this is MY problem -- because I suppose what most guys want in a girlfriend is really no more demanding or mentally exerting than flipping burgers. If she can cook and do laundry and bring him a beer every 10 minutes, he's happy.

But I'm not most guys, and it seems pretty clear that women on dating sites ONLY want a guy who fits into the "most guys" category.

This one. Although it would be nice if she could bring me a Guinness from time to time (not required though).

bingo! If you are hanging off from that scale to either too far to the negative (a complete moron) or too far to the positive (have is own mind and wants more than the majority) , either way you are missing the mark and you will have hell of a time finding anyone.

So the upshot of all this is that women on dating sites are only interested in one-dimensional cardboard cutout guys....

....well, I've suspected as much for awhile, but now it's been confirmed!

But....but....but....they ALWAYS say "I'm looking for an intelligent guy"....oh, wait, that must be another one of those words, like "unique," that everybody puts in their profile without knowing what it means....!

It is one thing to have a cardboard woman looking for her cardboard boyfriend but what's worse is that many of the women are actually 3 dimensional, and yet they want a 2 dimensional guy.

And that has to do with trying to maintain control. Or it could be brainwashing done by the media. Many movies and tv series do feature a 2D guy living with a 3D girlfriend. It's rare to see the opposite, when the women is your typical home wife or someone who is just there as a background noise in movies. It's usually the careless beer drinker pot belly husband, watching sports and later to be cheated on or being divorced from.

Don't forget "walks along the beach" when they live in Kansas, or "i lik whin and fine dinin"...we could go far with this, I'm thinking a book. How's your publisher, Lex?

They seem to like me over there.....

That depends on "compared to what"?

When they say "I'm looking for an intelligent guy" - usually means, they are not looking for the guy who was messaging them with a picture of them being naked front of the webcam. Basically what goes for "intelligent" is , that someone who is able to control his animal instincts for more than a few days.
If you are actually much more than that, you are so far off the scale, that you are so undesirable, just like the guy passing out butthole shots in his emails.

I think you're on to something there.

This would explain why I'm constantly referred to as "intimidating" and "complicated" because I can write a complete sentence and I know where to put an apostrophe.

So all I have to do is drop my IQ about 90 points and hang a bell around my neck....

Okay boys...couldn't you at least throw in "most women" seems you referred to most men?

Not all of us are looking for cardboard cutouts, and some of us women are definitely worth more than the trouble we cause, if you get to know us instead of just judging us by how we look in a mini-skirt and heels, or how much cleavage we have. Hell, any girl can get that with a roll of duct tape from the local hardware store.

If you want to get in my undies Ferenc, which seems to be what you believe is man's ultimate goal, be man enough to ask nicely and you might. You just gotta learn to speak my language.

How do you go about doing that? By asking questions, I'd think. Shouldn't matter if it's in real life at a bar or the library, on this site, with sky writing, or chucking messages in a bottle...the goal's the same...learn about each other and see if you're compatible. It takes time in any avenue you choose to use before access is granted, the timeframe to be decided by the morals of those involved. Some people want instant gratification, some prefer a deep understanding of another before it moves to that level. To each their own.

That's my thinking anyway, but I tend to do that too much. It's addictive. I tried to stop once but I can't kick the habit, but that's a whole different thread.

Back to this one, which seems to lack the woman's perspective, and while I don't claim to be the typical woman, my vagina still qualifies me, so I shall continue with my long winded rant...seems you boys have had your say.

Just kidding...I'm done now. Continue with the slam fest. I have to go mope because I'm convinced my mini-skirt days are long gone and how will I ever attract a man?! Guys say they want intelligence, creativity, blah, blah, blah, but it's all about sex appeal. Friggen men.

..but don't you think it's fun to read threads with virtually no women replying into the threads?

Fun? I know not of what you speak.

Amusing? Absolutely.

I'm sorry for ruining your all male thread. I'll shut up now.

Oh wait, we're fickle creatures. I'll keep going.

No wait, I changed my mind. We do that often. I'll stop now.

Are you confused yet?

See, all you gotta do is learn to speak the language...have fun boys.