Should I feel bad?
Wife cheated on me during a 5-6 month period with one of her co-workers. Tried to make things work with counseling, spending more time together, start new hobbies together, start talking about feelings, anything and everything under the sun for 7 months. Then 2 months ago (what I felt like a slap in the face) had my wife come up to me and say "lets have an open relation ship, date other people". It was a pretty big disappointment for me. But I figured wow nothing that I tried doing worked. Lets do it then. Now the last 2 weeks Ive been talking with a friend I have not slept with or even kissed just talk. Seams like my wife could not handle the fact that someone took an interest in me. An argument ensues and I just feel like I'm just being taken for granted. Now she wants to get back together and work it out. I thought we were working it out from the get go, she told me this time she will try. I just don't want to deal with it anymore. Just felt used. So we're now separated and I want to just make sure I don't want her anymore before making a decision on a divorce. Am I being too nice about it? I really don't feel bad about the whole thing. I feel numb to it all. Anyways that's all I have for right now.

Sounds like you need to get on with your life and let her live her own.

to think your wife dont have a little respect from you, given a chance is only once, think enough you are over used to your wife and at the end you are just a rug in the corner for her.
think about yourself, open both your mind and heart.... not just the heart. good luck

Yeah, your being WAY too nice about it. First thing that was/is your wife. She cheated on you. That automatically requires a beat down of her lover. You have to let the cave man out. Two she wants an open marriage? C'mon she wants Leroy down at the car wash blasting her with 13 inches of dark chocolate while you sit at home with your new hobbies.
You are getting walked on like a doormat. Your a man. Seriously a man. Dude do something. Hell I would have already burnt her car to the ground on the for real. I would quit my job. get a divorce. she cheated on you. you get alimony and make her pay for you to live in a vacation for the next four years.
As a man to a man. Stand up for yourself. She started the mud fight, now is not the time to be afraid to get dirty. now is the time to let that little devious fellow that lives in your head out to play.
Divorce her. Move on. Way too many other beautiful woman in the world to waste a single moment with someone like that. Or you can stay with her and hope one day you don't wake up with Singapore Dic( slugs or whatever other STD shes going to bring home. Or surprise I'm pregnant. Then your on Maury getting a paternity test even though you know the kid isn't yours because he looks just like Chase the bohemian college kid who works at Kinkos.

you tried to work it out, now she is playing games. Time to move on. The drama isn't worth it and it will just get worse.

My question is, why wasn't she trying before while in therapy?

Hopefully, someday she'll mature up. She doesn't know what she wants in life and you got in the way. Sometimes people forget there are 2 people in a relationship, and someone gets forgotten. Only you know her well enough to see if shes for real, but it already sounds like you feel you've paid enough into this relationship. Good thing you discovered this before there were kids involved. Get the lesson from it, now you know what you don't want from another. Crap happens to all of us in relationships, it's a matter of where your priorities are. I wouldn't have lasted as long, kudos for you for trying to really make it work. Your a man of patience, I'll say that for ya.

If she cheated once, the chances of it happening again are against you. It is probably better to end it all now and move on. You will forget about her with time. Trust me, I know.

this is interesting,, on the radio the other day the dj was discussing how a 'marriage' should be whatever two people define it to be and that if a partner wants to be with other people sexually, it should be no big deal and he felt marriages were breaking up not because of infidelity but because people werent expressing what they desired in their marriage the actual question posed was 'can you love more than one person?'



the answer is yes, there are many types of love and many degrees of love,, you love your kids AND your parents AND your spouse, but in different ways,,,but with adults, whomever you love one thing should hold true

that you would not do to them ANYHING that would hurt if done to you,,, you do no intentional harm to those you love

so if there is some 'agreement' between both parties that they will be open,, that is one thing,,,,,,,,but I have a hard time believing someone loves another if they expect the freedom that they cant afford the other (to run around),,,,,love is mutual, not selfish

there is no need to be evil or vindictive, but no reason to be a doormat either,,,,,,

Mayday-Mayday, this ship is in flames......abandon ship-abandon ship.

Get out while you still can.

A Cheater might like you, or love you. But they love Cheating more. There are only a few things in life that give you that amazing rush. Its not about the person you are committed to, or what stand to lose. Its all about the pleasure. being able to let it all go without all the strings you have at home, or in your predictable life, pulling at you.

I'm a man that is for an open marriage. But. A two sided open marriage. Seems to me that your wife only wanted you to agree on an open marriage so she would have your blessing to continue with her boinking her lover. But she only wanted it to be only her doing the boinking. UNFAIR!!!! See. The way I am. What I would have done when we had first agreed to open the marriage, was to find the first available woman. Brought her back to our bed, and boinked her. Leaving the bed all a mess. That way, when wife saw that. She could either accept that along with her, I would be boinking also. By which as it sounds, your wife would' ve got pissed. And maybe pissed enough that SHE would' ve gotten and PAID for the divorce.

as far as an open marriage....as long as all parties agree to it, then cool. Not my thing, but that is just me.

But both parties have to agree and not fair to change the rules.

JMO

You better file a divorce. You already done your part to save the relationship and marriage.After divorce is granted, wait for 1 year before you look or would like to have/start another relationship in order for you to fully recover from the pain and to give respect from the marriage vows you both recieved.

You better file a divorce. You already done your part to save the relationship and marriage.After divorce is granted, wait for 1 year before you look or would like to have/start another relationship in order for you to fully recover from the pain and to give respect from the marriage vows you both recieved.

I think Adaptation says it best the most beautiful thing i have ever heard.

what's so wonderful is that every one of these flowers has a specific relationship with the insect that pollinates it. There's a certain orchid look exactly like a certain insect so the insect is drawn to this flower, its double, its soul mate, and wants nothing more than to make love to it. And after the insect flies off, spots another soul-mate flower and makes love to it, thus pollinating it. And neither the flower nor the insect will ever understand the significance of their lovemaking. I mean, how could they know that because of their little dance the world lives? But it does. By simply doing what they're designed to do, something large and magnificent happens. In this sense they show us how to live - how the only barometer you have is your heart. How, when you spot your flower, you can't let anything get in your way.

1 year?? WOW!!!!!

Hit the road B!tch

short to the point i can't add no more

I feel for your delema ... the heart is a fickle thing.

I had an open marriage in the 70's .. not a big deal .. you have to decide on the open aspects though... you need to talk about how open and be totally honest in your feelings.

Yes we divorced ... but it had nothing to do with the open aspect of the marriage ... it had to do with her wanting somthing I just could not give her [abuse] . She grew up in a household with an abusive father who beat her mother and I guess felt that was what a normal marriage would be ... I could not provide her with that so she became abusive. c'est le vie.

Anyway ... in the open marriage ... we decided that details of other trysts was not what we wanted to hear ... some people want details ... you have to work these things out before and then its no big deal.

If your feelings say ... no way ... then that is how it must be.

go for the divorce.

you can always get together again if its in the cards.

I'm sorry hun but it sounds to me like she is "wanting her cake and eating it too" when it comes to the "open relationship". It's apparent that when it mattered most (marriage counseling) her heart wasn't in it and the option of an "open relationship" was simply her wanting your permission to continue cheating but it not be considered cheating. That's pretty obvious when she got mad at the thought of you being with someone else!

If it were me, I would tell her "too little, too late". She should have gave it her all when it mattered most to you and the relationship. I know it hurts, especially if you are still in love with her, but in my opinion, once a cheater...always a cheater. Time to move on to someone who will appreciate you and the fact that you want to be in a monogamous, devoted marriage.