Okay, so Beach did politics and relationships....I'm curious about religion and relationships. But, not so much about whether or not you can date someone of a different religion. We've done that one before. I'm more curious about what you think when you are talking to someone who claims to be a devout anything....Christian, Muslim, whatever, but their lifestyle doesn't match what they say they believe. Is that a red flag for you?

Disclaimer: I'm not talking about people who openly state they go to church but don't believe all that their religion teaches. I'm talking about those who are very involved in their churches, vocally defend the teaching of their religion and then turn around and do the exact opposite in their day to day lives. Red flag for you or you don't really care?

yep, red flag. sunday morning christains are just to phony for me.

Not a red flag. I don't expect anyone to be more "perfect" in their actions than I am. There are a great many things I believe in absolutely that pertain to my religon; do I live up to every one successfully? Heck no because I am not perfect. I grant everyone the absolute right to fail in living up to their beliefs frequently.....just saying

Ruth, my last LTR was with a soldier who stated his beliefs were same as mine.

But when we were intensely into the relationship I found this was not true. It was very difficult to converse at certain levels with him because we did NOT sing off the same page that I thought we did. SIGH.


I do believe sometimes we all tend to say 'better' than we 'live' .. I cut some grace for all with that in mind. I know I've needed it before. But severe differences are just that.

Not just red flags, but terribly disappointing

long as everything's kosher

I'm not talking about mistakes and failing when you are trying. I'm talking about the man or woman, for example, who claims to believe wholeheartedly in a religion that prohibits premarital sex, and yet, they routinely have such relationships.

If they don't get the point of going to church,
what is the point?
I say, live what you know.
My favorite peeps are those whose religion I
cannot guess, this means they have kept it to
themselves, where it belongs.

Religion, is after all, one's own opinion.
I respect others opinions.
But it can tear apart a family if one persons
opinion, somehow outweighs the value of the other's.
It would seem easier to stay within your chosen
religion if it means more to you than anything else.
Save the rest of the world the grief.

Ouch.

And, that's a whole other problem. People who claim to have the same beliefs as you, but really don't.

The people you describe are 'cafeteria religionists' ... they'll pick 'n choose the things they find comfortable to follow or believe in - don't expect 'em to do any heavy thought or heavy lifting ... won't happen. If they're gonna be hypocritical in ONE area, they'll be hypocritical in ALL areas - after all, it's all about THEM, right ... ?

I agree. If you truly believe that non-believers are going to hell, how can you fall in love with someone and live with them knowing they are going to hell and not try to convert them?

Ouch was right.

I also get the pre-marital don'ts and then they "do" .. but I have to admit I went thru a period of that myself with someone I cared deeply for.

I really didn't agree with it, but did it because I loved him. I have my focus again so it's no longer an issue. But I feel for those who struggle with faith vs feelings. SIGH.

St Francis of Assisi said it best:

"Preach always. And when necessary use words."

I understand that. I'm not talking about struggles. I'm talking about hypocrisy. Guess it's just my pet peeve.

Holy Rollers

following any religion 100% is very difficult, but I don't think we should judge people on how devout they are, no one is perfect.

with that been said, I would not think highly of someone preaching honesty, and he/she is big liar, or preaching faithfulness and he/she is cheater....etc.

going to a church, mosque, temple, is not much different than a student going to school, to improve themselves.

I agree! Work with a couple of women like that and they are the meanest, nastiest people I have ever encountered! It always amazes me the things they preach vs. the things they do!

Wonderful!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will remember this..

I know what you are addressing Ruth. I'm just saying for some the struggle LOOKS like hypocrisy when it isn't.

Outright "do as I SAY, NOT as I DO" .. is wrong in any religion, faith, belief system.

EX: I would rather someone not SAY they are a Christ-follower and then go act hypocritically .. just don't bring His name into it all!! IMHO. ie .. take yourself down if you like but don't bring Him with you .. altho you can't LITERALLY bring God down anyway (again IMHO =)

I agree with you in a general sense but my question was specifically about dating someone. How do you judge someone you are thinking about dating? Don't we have to make judgements as to whether or not they are a good match for you?

Its not a matter of judging them as "good" or "bad" but about whether or not you want to date them.

I have a problem with people who violate all their religious beliefs to date me.

I'm sorry if I'm coming off as too emotional on this. I know you understand what I'm saying.

I am very open about my beliefs and practices. And if you really are a Christian then I am not someone you should be dating. Unless you're a hypocrite. Or just screwing with me