Hello, I am new here.

Let me start by presenting Nicholas Sparks quote: "If you like her, if she makes you happy, and if you feel like you know her---then don't let her go."

Now, I've dated this lovely woman for a year and a half. She is from another country and has a son from a prior marriage living there with her parents. She was laidoff recently and her father demanded that she comes back and leaves me. So she bought one-way ticket and I did not interfere even though I love her too much and it was very, really hard for me to let her go there.

I always thought that if a person loves another you can let them go and they will come back to you.

I dont mind her son being with us at all but thats not why she went there...

I've stopped talking to her,and asked her not to call me, secretly hoping that she would contact me, she hasn't...

Was I right not to stop her from going? What would you do?

Different strokes...........yanno? Not sure what I would have done because I'm sure there were many more variables in that relationship than are listed. However, in my world, if I loved her it would take much more than a phone call from someone to stop me.

Actually, i just realized the real reason. the link to answer is below...
http://marriagepartner.com/forum/showthread.php?t=340

Very few people in this world can pull the 'play hard to get' card trick. If you "love" her, and I use this word loosely, you would leave her to do what she wants to do, obviously she wanted to go back to family...and this is where "love" blurs selfish motivation, and is the fundamental reason I don't really believe it exists as much as it once did. Should have kept talking to her, and yes, you shouldn't have tried to stop her from going...she's a big girl, she can make her own decisions.

if i continue to see no reciprocation in the level of effort someone is putting forth toward the relationship, either at its current level, or towards something more committed, then i take that as a sign of their disinterest and move on.

if someone allows me to walk out of their life, i believe it's not because they love me, but because they just don't love me enough.

just re-initiate contact with her and tell her that you are open to continuing your relationship if that is what she really wants. you have to discuss the future of your relationship with her and respect her decision.

if she does not see a future together or it is a distant possibility then you owe it to yourself and to her to let her go and work on other friendships and ultimately new romantic relationships which do not have the same level of obstacles. preferably no obstacles at all.

contrary to the old chestnut, it does not take two to tango...
but one tangoing by oneself is more than a little bit silly.

hmmmm, if she wanted to stay - she would have. Sounds like she let you down easy.

Good luck man!

$.02

Sadly enough I think you did the right thing. If you had interfered in her reunion with her son, she would have resented you for it eventually.

She does need to learn to stand up to her father and put you first, but with her son in the equation that makes it harder to evaluate. A lot also depends on just how close you were and what her native culture is.

She wanted to go. You let her go. She left.

End of story. Move on.

ouch!!!

And yet this is what happened. I got to be honest with you OP, if you had given me that ultimatim I would have walked also. If I was going back to take care of my child, and someone that says they loved me told me not to call. I would respect his decision and not have contact.

If u really love her to that length and she felt thesame way for u,LET HER STAY

What Motown said.

I find it said that you didn't share your feelings with her before she left. Based on that, she may not have shared her feelings with you. What a sad ending for a lack of communication.

Now you are left wondering and she's left.

If you let your love go, should you get her back or let her go and get her back then let her go?

She's not a yo-yo. That's her tampax string!

The who of the what? How is a link to a discussion of interracial marriage pertinent to this?
Ok, you care for her, she lost her job, her dad said come home, and she went home. I see where there's a child involved, but not where your situation is anything other than "man who really likes her."
As far as the quote about not letting people go, I think that was meant in a different way. You don't PREVENT PEOPLE from going where and when they want, rather, when you have the opportunity to make choices FOR YOURSELF that will keep you together, you make those choices. In this case, "NOT LETTING HER GO" would mean that YOU move YOURSELF to where she's gone. If she IS part of an entirely different cultural background, as is hinted by the link, this might be a bad idea, and one with very little chance of success, unless you do a TON of research work to learn how and what you must do to fit in, and please her family. a VERY tall order.
As for your choosing to tell her to break off all communication when you did NOT want her to do that, That's a form of LYING. When you lie to someone, and they take you at your word to your detriment, that's YOUR fault, and YOUR foolish mess to live with. Contacting her again now would require you to admit that you lied before, and explain why you lied, so if you try, then be ready to be honest.

First off, how long has it been since you guys talked?

She's gone.....

She's gone.....


You do know she's gone right?

I would say the trouble with some men is they never say what they should when they should, and this type of scenario happens.

Thanks all for your insight, I needed that!
We last talked 11 days ago.

There were other incidents that led me to believe that she was afraid for her friends to know she is dating me.

1. She never introduced me as her bf to her friends here in US.

2. Her parents don't know that I was her bf.

3. When there was ash erruption and her flight was delayed she stayed at my place, but told her parents that she is still in her appts.

4. This is what hurt me the most while she was here. We were walking and holding hands. All of a sudden she starts taking her hand out. I asked her whats up? She told me that her hands were sweating. I said, "I don't care it does not bother me just hold my hand please", and took her hand back(I am gentle so no need to say i forced her, etc.) Few seconds later, despite me telling her its ok that it sweats she takes her hand back. Only then i realize that she saw her indian friends up ahead and did not want them to see us holding hands.

5. she left once before for 3 months and i told her then, if she leaves me again i wont be here waiting for her. She left knowing this full well. Her friend in India was telling her that she shouldn't come back so soon, or that she should give me some sort of committment before she leaves, she didnt say anything.


My family loved her and so did I, but she never once called them when she arrived there.

I am hurt, but i will get over that :)

HOW could have prevented her from going? You couldn't have. Her decision. Her life. You tried doing the right thing. Time to move on. Oh - that old saying about letting something go and it coming back to you .... ? Ummmm ... no. There are other people out there. Time to go find 'em ...