Hey all,
I recently accepted that I am in an emotionally abusive relationship with someone I call my best friend.
I would love to hear from any of you that have been in or are in a relationship you just can't get yourself out of, but one youre too afraid to leave. I love this guy so much, he's my best friend, has done so much for me as I have for him.. but I think I tend to make excuses to stay (by stay I mean continue living with him or move back home which is 100 miles away) We both are going to school and trying to be adults together, doing everything "together" and its causing tension in a weird way. I just recently got out of a phase of being interested in a romantic relationship with him, and now that Im moving on something just doesnt feel right, but thats not the issue at hand.
Im scared to speak up because no matter what I say Im always wrong. He makes me feel bad about myself, but sometimes he makes me feel so good. He makes me laugh, but he makes me cry. The constant fighting is something I just dont want to deal with anymore.. its not worth it, and Im debating whether or not he is worth it anymore.
Please tell me how to get over this, or tell stories that you have been through to give me the courage to over come this. I can use all the help I can get.\

it took me years to realize that all of my friends treated me like crap. once i realized it, i got rid of all of them. these were people i had been friends with for 17+ years, but it was more important to me to surround myself with people who actually appreciated my company than to continue hanging with people who i had considered friends.
i'm better off. and i don't keep in contact with them at all. it was a bit cumbersome, because i had to change my phone number and email address, but worth it.



. . .

Has he had alot of stress during the time he became hurtful? School subjects become a little more difficult? Not that it is an excuse to treat you that way, I just like to try to analyze situations to see what may be the cause, and then work with that on how to remedy the situation.

you are 18 yrs old....I can tell you every experience I have endured...

right now.....that knowlege I feel at this time comes secondary,

You need the advise from ur parents or an adult ur most close to...

To protect YOU...YOU need to get out asap...

Yrs later....it will come back and hawnt you....

Emotion abuse starting at 18....will set you back and leave you to miss the best times of your life....

Love YOU.....

Your relationship is like fishing....treats you bad....then throws the line...

Control....

I begg of you to get HeLP..

Thats what I have told many of my sons g/f or female friends.

He has an unbelievable amount of stress with family. school has been an excape as have I.. being that Im involved only to the point of being a shoulder to lean on when he needs someone to carry him through. I get that we all have our hard times, he was there for me during the roughest parts of my life. But now all the drama he went through is over. I asked him to respect my wishes that I dont want to be involved with his family and he doesnt like that. His family has done a lot for me, but they also have royally screwed him over and Im not okay with how they treat him, and how they reacted to the situation. Sorry for rambling about this, Im just so frustrated about one particular situation that was resolved about 2 weeks ago.
You hear someone complain and grieve over how hurt they are but the instant the person apologizes they go back to being best friends. Its just annoying. I might be overreacting but Ive seen this kid go through so much **** with all of his family members, for him to forgive so easily bothers me, and Im not hiding it from anyone.

Sam, he might have been at one time your best friend, but a true friend would never abuse you. Another thing is that verbal abuse can lead to physical abuse. I am not saying that it will, but it can. You can not stay in a situation like that for long. And realise that you can not change him. For your mental and physical health I would suggest getting away A.S.A.P. Good luck

i had been in severa;
there was a guy i was with when my daughter was little and we had lived together for a few months and we would always argue about money and bills. there was one day i was babysitting my nephew for my sister and she brought me home. and shortly after the ex and i got into a argument.(he was a big time mamma boy) and he went and got his mommy. my daughter was in the kitchen eating. well any how i was on the phone with my sister he comes in with his mom with a dang knife and his mom didnt do crap. i was freaken out on the phone with my sister. she told me to get off the phone she called my mom or my dad both, and my mom bf at the time called the police. i was out of there in no time....


there was another time i was with this guy only knew him a week he was more than emotional abusive he was very. he had to go to court on a fri and i went and the judge said something about assult and battery and i later ask him what was with all that and he said his po was mad at him.... but any how he accused me on cheating which i never did even if i wanted to how would i sense he didnt leave my side that whole week. he hit me and threatend to give me a black eye but didnt. he was arrested and i tracked down sa ex gf of his as to find out he did the same thing to her and the person he cheated on with she ended in the hospitol she didnt press charges but the 2nd time he attacked her he hit her with a tire iron and the hospitol pressed charges.. i had a restraining order on him while he was in jail and he wasent suposeto contact me when he got out but he did. of course the police didnt do anything.... i have noclue where hes at and i dont care..

the other guy i was with was for 3yrs. he had a good heart but he was emotional abusive that was because his step dad and his mom were the same way.... he died a little over 3yrs ago...

Woman..you and I are so a like..

Sounds like he has lived the cycle of abuse also. So to him it might be normal. And stress is no excuse for a reason to treat another person abusivly.

Sam u haven't responded to me....

Do you have parents to go to or some other adult that u trust??????

Before you make a move..you have to let ppl in and know in our world what is happening.....

The safety circle.........

Hellooooooo plz..........

It is sad that we probably went through the same emotional roller-coaster to get to this point in our lives.

I do have people I can go to. Not parents right now though. I Have an older strong figure in my life to go to. I have, to talk things out, but I hardly ever get any advice on what to do next. I just need someone to tell me how to stand up for myself so for once I have the last word.

Run, run, as fast as you can

sorry, this was actually supposed to go to you
He has an unbelievable amount of stress with family. school has been an excape as have I.. being that Im involved only to the point of being a shoulder to lean on when he needs someone to carry him through. I get that we all have our hard times, he was there for me during the roughest parts of my life. But now all the drama he went through is over. I asked him to respect my wishes that I dont want to be involved with his family and he doesnt like that. His family has done a lot for me, but they also have royally screwed him over and Im not okay with how they treat him, and how they reacted to the situation. Sorry for rambling about this, Im just so frustrated about one particular situation that was resolved about 2 weeks ago.
You hear someone complain and grieve over how hurt they are but the instant the person apologizes they go back to being best friends. Its just annoying. I might be overreacting but Ive seen this kid go through so much **** with all of his family members, for him to forgive so easily bothers me, and Im not hiding it from anyone.

There is some valid advice about verbal abuse possibly turning to physical abuse from those two. He may be conflicted about forgiving his family for what they did to screw him over as one reason he's like that, but again, not an excuse to treat you that way. You more than likely should move out if you have the option, and try to make it where you can still attend school if possible as you said home is 100 miles away. Any other roommate possibles at school?Dorm room maybe? Rather you be safe more than anything, it would just kinda be lame that you'd possibly have problems staying at that school because of his actions. Did you ever talk about why he treats you that way with him? I have a friend going through a similiar thing like you, and she had a talk with him tonight about it. Maybe he doesn't realize how mean he is? Hard to say as I don't know what he says and what provokes/antagonizes him to speak to you that way. In short, definitely do what keeps you safe.

Sam, you can not make him understand. He will be defensive. And you can not change him. Period. I hate to be harsh, but if this is what it takes to make you understand, so be it. He will not change for you. He has to want it for him. It is like an alcohlic having to take the first step. Take care of YOU first. Make sure you are safe. Then if later he comes to you, you will be able to help him seek proffesional help.

Friends don't abuse friends. That isn't friendship - it's abuse. Recognize it for what it is and leave. You don't need to put yourself in danger - physical OR emotional. If you stay, you will be hurt in one way or another. Leave while you're ahead.

Good point. It could be natural to him from being treated like that while growing up.

Could you ask your friend how she started this kind of converstaion? I rarely take the lead in anything we talk about and this time I need to be the one talking and he needs to shut up and listen. How do I make that happen while being respectful?
As for other housing, there arent really any other options besides moving home, and that cant happen because of, well thats another story :)