I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore

By Rush Limbaugh
January 25, 2010 | Issue 46•04



I know there are a lot of people out there who are upset about some of the things I've been saying on my radio program lately. My comments about the situation in Haiti have hurt and angered many Americans who genuinely care about the plight of the Haitian people, and that hurt and anger will likely never go away. Many of you are probably wondering, "What would compel a human being to say things like that?" Well, here's your answer: I am a very bad person. And, to tell you the truth, I don't really want to be alive anymore.

Try to look at it from my point of view. I have no reason to live. In my 59 years, I've made millions of dollars, built a veritable media empire, and accomplished virtually everything that a man of my limited imagination and worldview could possibly accomplish. And yet, at this point, in no way could you refer to what I'm doing as "living," exactly. I just sort of exist. I derive no real pleasure from life. Oh, sure, I talk a big game about what a golf nut I am and how much I enjoy the taste of a fine cigar, but it's all horseshit. Complete and utter horseshit.

I don't enjoy that stuff. I don't enjoy anything. I don't even want to be here. The sadness and regret I feel every waking hour of my life is absolutely unbearable. I am a miserable pig and I do not want to exist.

The irony is that, even if I did die, the hell I would surely be sent to could not possibly be any worse than the bottomless pool of excrement I already paddle around in like some demented, ****-covered walrus. In fact, every time I hear my voice coming through the headphones I nearly gag, and I think, "What the fu*k am I doing?" Why would I say that Michael J. Fox is faking his Parkinson's symptoms? Why would I find it funny to play a song called "Barack the Magic Negro"? Why would I tell people not to give aid to Haiti?

What the **** is wrong with me?

I live in constant terror and that terror informs my every word, thought, and action.

See, the thing is, I honestly cannot control the bilious hatred and filth that oozes out of my mouth. I want to—believe me, I want to—but I can't. And every time I speak, a tiny voice inside my head is screaming, "Stop talking, you stupid, insensitive pri*k. JUST STOP FU*KING TALKING. All you do is spread hate and fear, and the world would be a better place without you, you worthless, amoral, co*ksucking fu*kface."

What I should really do is just commit suicide. I have this little Sunday ritual I started around the time I publicly compared the torture at Abu Ghraib to a fraternity prank, where I climb into my Jacuzzi and put a gun in my mouth. But I can never work up the guts to pull the trigger. A few times I came close to overdosing on prescription pain pills, but my goddamn doctors were always there to save me. If I had any sense, I would just hole myself up in a Red Roof Inn with a case of Jack Daniel's and slowly drink myself into the gaping maw of death itself.

But what can I say? I guess I'm just too much of a fat fu*king pu**y to follow through.

You know what? I wish someone would just kill me. I'm serious. Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking: "Oh my God, how can you say such a thing? You can't print that in a newspaper!" But see, I don't care anymore. I've cried my tears. I've battled my demons, and I've lost. It's over. It's all over. The only thing left for me to do now is just go away. Have I even once contributed a single ounce of good to humanity? Put me out of my misery. I wouldn't make a fuss. I wouldn't even humiliate myself by saying goodbye. For the first time in my odious, pitiful life, I'd accept my fate with quiet dignity.

Then I wouldn't have to live with my wretched, wretched self. Oh, the release.

I've imagined my death a thousand times over, and it's always the same. In my mind's eye, a serene setting comes into view. I see a funeral procession driving down some small-town Main Street in Nowheresville, U.S.A. On one side of the street, a collection of sycophants and morons are paying their respects in subliterate, sanctimonious tones. Meanwhile, on the other side of the street, I can just make out the faint image of a young boy, his brow furrowed in confusion, clutching the hand of his father. "Who is that man, Daddy?" he asks as the hearse containing my bloated, lifeless body rolls by. "Who is that person they speak of?" The father will then lower his head and say, "There, my son, go the remains of Rush Hudson Limbaugh, the most abominable lump of festering dog **** in the history of American broadcasting. May the likes of him never again soil or tarnish the greatness of our fair country."

Please forgive me, everyone. I am so sorry.

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/i_dont_even_want_to_be_alive


Dang!!!!

Dang, Dragoness. I read the title and saw your name and you scared me.

this is the first time i've read anything in the forum dragoness. after reading your post, it would be very easy for me to say that i feel sorry for you. but i don't, nor could i.

i'm a viet nam combat veteran, exspecial forces, four combat tours, AND six months P.O.W. time. i've seen things, done things, and had things perpertrated on my body that you can't even imagine. and i love being alive.

are you whining for attention, or is that the "poor little rich boy" thing? why do you do that to you? it sounds like you're in need of some help or do you derive some morbid pleasure from wallowing in your sad song?

sounds like you've pretty much identified your problems, so why not show the courage to bust your butt and get to work on changing? but then again it takes courage and committment to change. just remember: when you're up to your butt in alligators, it's hard not to think that your original plan was to drain the swamp!!!

BULLRIDERCAKES

That " letter " was not written by Rush Limbaugh.

It's just another left wing way of taking things Rush says WAY out of context and using them to press their agenda.

Nothing new from the left.

Nothing new from the right either since Limbaugh is just as guilty as anyone else of doing that.

That " letter " was not written by Rush Limbaugh.

It's just another left wing way of taking things Rush says WAY out of context and using them to press their agenda.

Nothing new from the left.

Nothing new from the right either since Limbaugh is just as guilty as anyone else of doing that.

Dang, Dragoness. I read the title and saw your name and you scared me.

It's the onion, not the times, they take the piss out of everything

For anyone who has taken an inkling of seriousness
of this "news article", you should know that articles
presented at "The Onion" are satirical.

That " letter " was not written by Rush Limbaugh.

It's just another left wing way of taking things Rush says WAY out of context and using them to press their agenda.

Nothing new from the left.

Nothing new from the right either since Limbaugh is just as guilty as anyone else of doing that.

The Onion is satirical??????

Ahhh ****!

Where am I going to get my news from now?????

Go to www.worldnetdaily.com and read all the articles backwards. They make more sense that way.

-Kerry O., "Just keep an eye out for Black Helicopters while doing so."

yes it seems that not only do right wingers not have a sense of humor, they've never read the Onion. It's not a "leftist" publication with the intent on brainwashing good little christian boys who don't have a racist bone in their body into gay loving hippies. Anyone who knows the Onion, knows that they make fun of everybody...there's plenty of articles making fun of Obama.