I used to have this girlfriedn who in bed, in the afterglow, would often ask me, "what are you thinking about?" I was young and inexperienced then. I did not realize she wanted to hear something to the effect, "well, just thinking how happy I am to be lying beside you here in bed, just enjoying the moment" or something like that. At the time I was a naive little boy, 28, I did not know people and I did not know that I did not need to be truthful all the time, despite that's what my mother had taught me.

So I would say, "sorry, my thoughts are private. Allow me some privacy, please". Or say nothing.

We dated for many years, and I think this was the bigges thorn in her eyes. That I wasn't satisfying her craving for hearing what I thought. It wasn't a big thorn, but it was the largest of all the little thorn.

My question: What would you like to hear after you ask your partner, "what are you thinking about"? Would you ask this question in the first place? Why do you think people ask this question?

Conversation = another level of intimacy.

I am a talker and would like to hear anything he had to say. Just random thoughts that were running through his head. Work, scheduling or what ever.

Other than hearing the rustling of the man getting his clothes back on to leave, I don't want to hear a thing!! LOL

I don't ask what my partner is thinking. Thanks for putting that in my head!! Next time I'm sure to ask!!

You know, I'VE been asked that, and frankly, it could be about how short he is or what a crappy time that was or I could be thinking grocery list or about the need to clean the sheets. But as honest as I am, I would know better than to mention any of the above. If I didn't want to be truthful, I'd just jump his bones some more and take his mind off of it. Personally, I am not one who is into much convo after the fact.

There's no real one answer to why people ask that question. It could be, it's an awkward moment and they want some conversation. Maybe you look pensive or troubled and they want to help you. Maybe the other person is worried or insecure because you are thinking about them, and maybe there's a hidden issue that needs to be discussed. There is a danger in asking the "honey, what's wrong" question, I've found. Either they or you will tune out or withdraw, which will strain the communication openness.

i am a chatter as well..........

Should have told her you were remembering your life as a woman. That'll teach her.

The only words out of my mouth is "quit hogging the blanket".

I dont ask questions......

Please don't ask me any ok

I'm like a man

I'm happy

I'm satisfied

Now

let me sleep!!!!!!!!!

You know, to avoid this situation, I used to always look at my lady, grab her close, let her feel the bulge growing.....and ask seductively..."Ready for another round?". By the time you finished round 5, she is wore out, asleep, and you just get up, go into the other room, and watch FOX News.

I frigging HATE that question!!! No matter when it's asked.

Used to drive me nuts when the exes asked it, because 1/2 of the time I wasn't think of anything! The other 1/4th wasn't a coherent thought to try and tell the person. And if I was thinking about something I would've already told them. Grrr!

And guys get really bent out of shape if you tell them you aren't thinking of anything. They worry about it. Sheesh.

i would never ask someone that right after we were intimate. i like to sleep just as much as the next person.

Insecurity would seem to be the only reason one of the partners might ask the other such an inquisitive question, especially "afterwards" -- probing for a display of any emotion (positive or negative).

It also indicates your partner isn't indifferent to your opinion about about her performance. Thus, if you value that partner, you'd come up with something pleasant to say. Otherwise, might as well say it like you feel...

I ask because I want to know, I would like the truth even if its that my partner isnt wanting to talk.

I agree, just another level of intimacy.

I had a friend in Hungary who said the same thing. But in Hungary at the time (35+ years ago) there was no FOX news on TV. He had to do something different. His usual thing to do after the five-ten rounds that finally made his gf shut up, was that he'd skip, hop, cartwheel and sommersault into the next room and spend the rest of the night masturbating to videos and nasty pictures.

He died at 22 years of age of natural causes.

Reeks of insecurities..
Funny how this exact question seems to be making the rounds on certain different sites in the last 2 days...Hmmmmmmmm

Must be a very serious issue for some.

Gawd the mans mind is going to be blown and so is mine. Who the heck is thinking about anything other than having a coffee, a nap and going again??
Ok maybe a brownie

Hope you find the answer you are looking for.


Just tell her you are reveling in the moment of mind blowing ecstasy.
Commit it to memory.



Then she will make you a sammich.

I actually hate when someone asks me that questions...no matter where we are. Its like they are putting me on the spot, I don't like that. There are times when I am thinking about something else that has absolutely nothing to do with them. I find myself thinking about my Dad a lot (he passed away a year ago) so if they asked me, I would probably start crying and be offended for prying into my personal thoughts. I am actually a pretty private person SO I never ask anyone "what are you thinking right now," IF they want me to know...they will tell me!!

sometimes it`s an open invitation or an about way of getting you to ask them,..what they``re thinkin -- to see if you`re both on the same page

after men have an orgasm their body floods with tryptophan. which is why the usually fall fast asleep after

after women have an orgasm their body floods with oxytocin. oxytocin creates a maternal, cuddly, bonding feeling. and makes women want to talk as a bonding process

when they ask "what are you thinking" they really dont want to know. most of what guys are thinking about is pretty boring


cause the answer is usually something like

"I'm wondering if the old 5th wheel on the trailer needs a new locking pin"

or "I thinking about the fenceline on the back of the property and how to tighten the loose panels"

or "I'm thinking about the accounts receivable and the last audit"



and the women usually glaze over in the eyes and change the subject