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| Topic: Single Fathers | |
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I have no problems with dating a single father. The only thing that bothers me is that I tend to get attached to their child/children and when it doesn't work out, I not only lose the man I cared for, but his child/children as well. and THATS my biggest fear, because of the attachments. It goes both ways, i dont want my kids to gain trust in another woman only to find out she disappears again. Then you set ground rules.... that children don't get introduced to someone unless it becomes serious... you limit your exposure to the children. My suggestion is to NOT have a live-in girlfriend. |
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I have no problems with dating a single father. The only thing that bothers me is that I tend to get attached to their child/children and when it doesn't work out, I not only lose the man I cared for, but his child/children as well. and THATS my biggest fear, because of the attachments. It goes both ways, i dont want my kids to gain trust in another woman only to find out she disappears again. Very true...My kids have gotten attached to someone (my oldest hasn't even met him) and they ask about him every day..when are we going there, when are we going to see them...and when I tell them I don't know, they ask why and think it's my fault. Their dad walked away from them and is only in their lives when it works for him. I don't want them to go through the hurt of losing someone have they become attached to. |
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I have no problems with dating a single father. The only thing that bothers me is that I tend to get attached to their child/children and when it doesn't work out, I not only lose the man I cared for, but his child/children as well. and THATS my biggest fear, because of the attachments. It goes both ways, i dont want my kids to gain trust in another woman only to find out she disappears again. Very true...My kids have gotten attached to someone (my oldest hasn't even met him) and they ask about him every day..when are we going there, when are we going to see them...and when I tell them I don't know, they ask why and think it's my fault. Their dad walked away from them and is only in their lives when it works for him. I don't want them to go through the hurt of losing someone have they become attached to. Yup, I have seen children like that. I have been separated a year and wont let any woman close to my kids. In fact, I quit talking to one because she said she wanted to meet them...hind site says i over reacted..lol |
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My wife and I split, and I have the kids. Is it harder for a single father to find a woman ready to take on that kind of luggage or is it harder for single mothers to find a man to take on that responsibility? luggage? i hate when people refer to children as luggage. i've heard that it's one of the hardest things to do; blend families. why do someone's kids have to be someone else's responsibility anyway? my kids already have a dad, they don't need another one. all i would hope for is that the kids and the guy like and respect one another. |
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My wife and I split, and I have the kids. Is it harder for a single father to find a woman ready to take on that kind of luggage or is it harder for single mothers to find a man to take on that responsibility? luggage? i hate when people refer to children as luggage. i've heard that it's one of the hardest things to do; blend families. why do someone's kids have to be someone else's responsibility anyway? my kids already have a dad, they don't need another one. all i would hope for is that the kids and the guy like and respect one another. Just because your children already have two parents does not mean it isnt the incoming significant others responsibility as well. In a dream world, it would be great if it was like that but if you start dating someone and then they move into your house or vise versa, your kids become part of their lives. Once you make that commmitment to someone, you commit to every aspect of their lives. So while the main parenting might be taken care of, your new man/woman will eventually have to put in their part. |
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My wife and I split, and I have the kids. Is it harder for a single father to find a woman ready to take on that kind of luggage or is it harder for single mothers to find a man to take on that responsibility? luggage? i hate when people refer to children as luggage. i've heard that it's one of the hardest things to do; blend families. why do someone's kids have to be someone else's responsibility anyway? my kids already have a dad, they don't need another one. all i would hope for is that the kids and the guy like and respect one another. Just because your children already have two parents does not mean it isnt the incoming significant others responsibility as well. In a dream world, it would be great if it was like that but if you start dating someone and then they move into your house or vise versa, your kids become part of their lives. Once you make that commmitment to someone, you commit to every aspect of their lives. So while the main parenting might be taken care of, your new man/woman will eventually have to put in their part. I totally agree. It takes a village and rarely is it only the parents who have responsibility for children. It always concerned me about my brother who was involved with a woman, lived together with her and her kids, payed the bills, helped the children with their studies, took them to their appointments,, but then when it came time for discipline,,was given no say. I think that is a dangerous example to set for the kids. whomever cares for the children, has the responsibility for the children and that usually involves consideration of who the children are living with. |
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Two things I see wrong here.... Your view as the children being "luggage"---Having children is a reward, a pleasure in life..not luggage... Your actually asking if its a problem for women when dating. Who cares if it is for some? Yes, it is going to be a problem for some, but that should not matter to you whatsoever. It is what it is, you have to be positive about this 150%, and for those women that have a problem with it? Send them on their way immediately.. Be happy you have your children. Most Dads dont get that benefit, always be there for your children...Your time will come down the road. You can NEVER get back the time with your kids I must agree with this coming from a single mom of 2. Sure it is hard nothing in life that gives you great pleasure in the end is going to be handed to one with no heartaches. But I assure you the pleasures out weigh the bad. Bot of my kids are grown now. And actually I never thought of it as being something I had to do but instead of something I wanted to do. I felt if it meant me putting my life on the back burner then so be it. I choose not to ever re-marry nor have a man live with me while my kids were growing up. Was not and easy choice I made but I stuck with it. Could be why I'm still single for now I'm so set in my ways I'm not sure there is a man that I can deal with on a daily bases anymore or want too to be honest. Now would I do it all over again? Yeppiers I sure would for I can say that both of my kids & I are close and I feel that is due to me putting my life on hold and being there for them instead. |
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My wife and I split, and I have the kids. Is it harder for a single father to find a woman ready to take on that kind of luggage or is it harder for single mothers to find a man to take on that responsibility? luggage? i hate when people refer to children as luggage. i've heard that it's one of the hardest things to do; blend families. why do someone's kids have to be someone else's responsibility anyway? my kids already have a dad, they don't need another one. all i would hope for is that the kids and the guy like and respect one another. Just because your children already have two parents does not mean it isnt the incoming significant others responsibility as well. In a dream world, it would be great if it was like that but if you start dating someone and then they move into your house or vise versa, your kids become part of their lives. Once you make that commmitment to someone, you commit to every aspect of their lives. So while the main parenting might be taken care of, your new man/woman will eventually have to put in their part. I totally agree. It takes a village and rarely is it only the parents who have responsibility for children. It always concerned me about my brother who was involved with a woman, lived together with her and her kids, payed the bills, helped the children with their studies, took them to their appointments,, but then when it came time for discipline,,was given no say. I think that is a dangerous example to set for the kids. whomever cares for the children, has the responsibility for the children and that usually involves consideration of who the children are living with. are we talking about getting back into dating scene or about being in a committed relationship such as marriage? the i took the OP as meaning casual dating of recently separated/divorced parents. of course there's a responsibility when one person is living with the other and there are children in the house, and of course any responsible man wouldn't refer to his partner's children as 'luggage', or at least anyone i'd get involved with wouldn't. |
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I think in dating ..luggage, refers to any responsibility beyond the one on one that comes with the adults involved. I dont think it is usually derogatory when one uses it in their own situation although it would not be welcomed for others to use it about that person.
one definition of baggage, which is used synonymously with luggage is things that encumber one's freedom, progress, development, or adaptability; impediments: intellectual baggage that keeps one from thinking clearly; neurotic conflicts that arise from struggling with too much emotional baggage. in this sense,, for me anyhow, children are a type of baggage. The Louis Vatton of baggage, but baggage none the less. One is much less FREE with them than they are without them,,but that is not a bad thing. I love my baggage, I love my children, I understand life could be easier as a single adult with no responsibility for children, but I wouldnt trade them for anything. |
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I think in dating ..luggage, refers to any responsibility beyond the one on one that comes with the adults involved. I dont think it is usually derogatory when one uses it in their own situation although it would not be welcomed for others to use it about that person. one definition of baggage, which is used synonymously with luggage is things that encumber one's freedom, progress, development, or adaptability; impediments: intellectual baggage that keeps one from thinking clearly; neurotic conflicts that arise from struggling with too much emotional baggage. in this sense,, for me anyhow, children are a type of baggage. The Louis Vatton of baggage, but baggage none the less. One is much less FREE with them than they are without them,,but that is not a bad thing. I love my baggage, I love my children, I understand life could be easier as a single adult with no responsibility for children, but I wouldnt trade them for anything. why is it you are the only one who understands that, AND focus' on the real issue of my original post....you are a smart woman. 
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Well I will be honest the words luggage or baggage to me is de-meaning big time. If a man ever referred his kids or his life as baggage or luggage to me they need to take the time out and deal with life and take a stronger look within.
So I can see were others do not like their kids referred to in that sense. I assure you a man would only refer to my kids one time as luggage or baggage for he would not get a second chance to call them that again. Even though I don't feel the OP meant anything by those words or meant it the way some of us sees those words. For I have seen others refer to kids and issue in another's life with those same words. At times the words we pick and choose makes a big difference of how we come across to others. |
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Well I will be honest the words luggage or baggage to me is de-meaning big time. If a man ever referred his kids or his life as baggage or luggage to me they need to take the time out and deal with life and take a stronger look within. So I can see were others do not like their kids referred to in that sense. I assure you a man would only refer to my kids one time as luggage or baggage for he would not get a second chance to call them that again. Even though I don't feel the OP meant anything by those words or meant it the way some of us sees those words. For I have seen others refer to kids and issue in another's life with those same words. At times the words we pick and choose makes a big difference of how we come across to others. Obviously, if i felt my kids were a negative influence then do you think i would have taken them? their mother still wanted them but she is a drug addict and i couldnt let that happen. I dont understand why people decide to focus on the wrong things. seriously. I just wanted to know about dating as a single parent and now it has turned into a discussion that i used a word that rubs people the wrong way. jeezus. |
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Edited by
Edy_ca
on
Sat 12/12/09 05:50 PM
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My wife and I split, and I have the kids. Is it harder for a single father to find a woman ready to take on that kind of luggage or is it harder for single mothers to find a man to take on that responsibility? i dunno if it's harder for either one...i have been getting to know someone lately and i have twin girls, he has a daughter, rules are simple...they come before us... i think that as long as expectations are clear from the beginning, it should be all good... be clear and open about what you want, and that i its self will narrow down your search...for the better... keep editing cause my n key is sticking...and i can't spell |
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Well I will be honest the words luggage or baggage to me is de-meaning big time. If a man ever referred his kids or his life as baggage or luggage to me they need to take the time out and deal with life and take a stronger look within. So I can see were others do not like their kids referred to in that sense. I assure you a man would only refer to my kids one time as luggage or baggage for he would not get a second chance to call them that again. Even though I don't feel the OP meant anything by those words or meant it the way some of us sees those words. For I have seen others refer to kids and issue in another's life with those same words. At times the words we pick and choose makes a big difference of how we come across to others. Obviously, if i felt my kids were a negative influence then do you think i would have taken them? their mother still wanted them but she is a drug addict and i couldnt let that happen. I dont understand why people decide to focus on the wrong things. seriously. I just wanted to know about dating as a single parent and now it has turned into a discussion that i used a word that rubs people the wrong way. jeezus. Like I said I do not feel you meant it in that way. I do admire you for stepping up to the plate and being the one within their life. It is not easy at all getting dates ect at times. But then I assure you there are many women/men that don't have a problem dating single parents.  Honestly I dated while raising my kids and the issue never came up. Those that don't want to date single parents you will know real quick if they don't. And actually it is best to let those be. You will find out that if they are right and deserve to be around you and your kids the thoughts of you having kids and raising them should never be a issue with them. If it is then it is time to move on for they are not worth being around. |
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My wife and I split, and I have the kids. Is it harder for a single father to find a woman ready to take on that kind of luggage or is it harder for single mothers to find a man to take on that responsibility? It is hard for both single mothers and single fathers to find someone willing to take on the kids. And I don't look at kids like they are luggage, Kids are priceless and can not be compared to anything in the world. |
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My wife and I split, and I have the kids. Is it harder for a single father to find a woman ready to take on that kind of luggage or is it harder for single mothers to find a man to take on that responsibility? I found one who had one daughter,,,and we married..... It lasted,,,16 years.....so as its in thought harder to find someone,,,the reality NOW for me,,,is IT WAS A LOT EASIER to find someone THEN,,,wink,, Good luck on you finding someone to share life with.... |
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Make good decisions; use common sense. That's a formula everyone should use in dating whether they have kids or not.
There are plenty of women who date men with kids and visa versa. Just don't get defensive and annoyed when you meet someone who does not date men with kids. Everyone is entitled to their own choices. Good luck! |
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Make good decisions; use common sense. That's a formula everyone should use in dating whether they have kids or not. There are plenty of women who date men with kids and visa versa. Just don't get defensive and annoyed when you meet someone who does not date men with kids. Everyone is entitled to their own choices. Good luck! 
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Make good decisions; use common sense. That's a formula everyone should use in dating whether they have kids or not. There are plenty of women who date men with kids and visa versa. Just don't get defensive and annoyed when you meet someone who does not date men with kids. Everyone is entitled to their own choices. Good luck! OOOOH i dont get defensive...i just egg their house. |
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This a great thing man...I wish I could have had this opportunity for my kids..Any woman in thier right mine can see through that you are responsible. I wouldn't think this would create any problems. Good luck out there
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