1. Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

2. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

3. Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils...

4. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

5. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

6. I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

7. Girls are like phones. They love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

8. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

9. When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

10. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

Henny Youngman?????

George Gobel?????

He who laughs last....thinks slowest.

Those quotes are by many different ones but sooooo true good one loved #6

lol...good one

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these.

Are you from Down under?

I wish my first word as a baby had been "Quote"...then on my deathbed I could have said, "Unquote."