Topic: The stories
Gossipmpm's photo
Mon 08/31/09 06:57 PM
I wish you never talked to me
I wish the phone never rang
If only this online thing never happened

Here I sit
Not so much with hurt and pain
But with other peoples secrets
Embedded in my brain

You told me to much
You let others secrets fly through the air
As if they were your own
Like those secrets were ours
To joke and laugh about

And you ran right back into the social graces
Leaving me knowing to much
About everyone and everything
Why must I hold all these stories

Let me tell what you've told
So these stories can rest in my mind
And when I see those photos
I don't feel so sad



Tammy


writer_gurl's photo
Mon 08/31/09 06:59 PM
flowerforyou flowers flowerforyou flowers flowerforyou flowers

Fusion99's photo
Mon 08/31/09 07:06 PM

I wish you never talked to me
I wish the phone never rang
If only this online thing never happened

Here I sit
Not so much with hurt and pain
But with other peoples secrets
Embedded in my brain

You told me to much
You let others secrets fly through the air
As if they were your own
Like those secrets were ours
To joke and laugh about

And you ran right back into the social graces
Leaving me knowing to much
About everyone and everything
Why must I hold all these stories

Let me tell what you've told
So these stories can rest in my mind
And when I see those photos
I don't feel so sad



Tammy


Great Job Tammydrinker drinker drinker

FearandLoathing's photo
Mon 08/31/09 07:41 PM

I wish you never talked to me
I wish the phone never rang
If only this online thing never happened

Here I sit
Not so much with hurt and pain
But with other peoples secrets
Embedded in my brain

You told me to much
You let others secrets fly through the air
As if they were your own
Like those secrets were ours
To joke and laugh about

And you ran right back into the social graces
Leaving me knowing to much
About everyone and everything
Why must I hold all these stories

Let me tell what you've told
So these stories can rest in my mind
And when I see those photos
I don't feel so sad



Tammy




Really good, but the third line strikes me off when I read this...specifically the word "online", I understand the point of it being there but it breaks the thought from the initial three lines. The third line in its own can really just be a general statement without singling out a certain environment. Either way, as always, beautifully written.flowerforyou

Gossipmpm's photo
Mon 08/31/09 11:24 PM
No fear

It must be known as online
So you know where the relationship was

And where the people are I'm talking about

Everyone and everything In this is. Online

Thanks though!:heart:




Gossipmpm's photo
Tue 09/01/09 04:55 AM

flowerforyou flowers flowerforyou flowers flowerforyou flowers

:flowerforyou :heart:



Iam_aditi's photo
Tue 09/01/09 06:12 AM
flowers Loved it flowers

MzEm's photo
Tue 09/01/09 07:28 AM
:thumbsup:

no photo
Wed 09/02/09 07:34 PM
Really good, Tammy!.. Creative souls.. Our poems are a part of us and therefore we know them best....Critiquing someone's work is like critiquing their children, I believe.

Gossipmpm's photo
Sat 09/05/09 06:39 PM
Well it is

Kinda

But the exchange between writers
Done in a costructive way

Is nice
:heart:


frankfk's photo
Thu 09/10/09 06:02 AM
great write with powerful wordingflowerforyou
I wish you never talked to me
I wish the phone never rang
If only this online thing never happened

Here I sit
Not so much with hurt and pain
But with other peoples secrets
Embedded in my brain

You told me to much
You let others secrets fly through the air
As if they were your own
Like those secrets were ours
To joke and laugh about

And you ran right back into the social graces
Leaving me knowing to much
About everyone and everything
Why must I hold all these stories

Let me tell what you've told
So these stories can rest in my mind
And when I see those photos
I don't feel so sad



Tammy