Married for 25 years and there was never a problem in the marrige. My job moved me here to Sacramento and my wife stayed in Oregon to sell the house.

After 2 months she say's that she needs alone time, tired of being a mother, a wife something to everyone. That she is not the same person that she was when she met me at 17. She just wants to be single, party and know what it's like to be single again, because she never really had that chance.

Say's I was a great husband, father and lover and it's not me or our marrige and she hates breaking my heart. That she will always love me but that she just needs to relive her youth and be single because she never got the chance. She is just tired of being something to everyone and she needs to concentrate on her self now.
That she has changed and is not the same person as when she was 17.

All of this came out of the blue because we never had a problem in our marrige except the occasional fight. Before I moved here she came and looked at areas so I knew where to look for houses when ours sold. So everything was fine and all of the sudden 2 months later she wants to not be married any longer.

Well for the last 6 months I have been so crushed that I have done basically nothing but work and sit alone in my appartment after wondering what the Hell happened.

I am finally ready to start living life again, so I joined this site . Any advice on how to start again and put your heart on the line again and trust again?

Ranks up there with "I am just not happy"

You don't trust for a long time. Then you take a chance, and another, and another.

Welcome and Good Luck

Yeah. Regaining trust is incredibly difficult if not impossible. And your chances of regaining it don't go up if you end up meeting up with other ladies who end up playing the same game on you.

just takes time

some people never do again

First you said at least three times "everything was fine". It wasn't.
You said it happened all at once. It didn't.

What happened to you happens to both sides of a relationship every day. The hard truth is you didn't know her as well as you think you did and did not "snap" that she was unhappy.

Try to figger it all out with some help. You need to know and understand what really happened. This is not rare.

Then move on. There are some good people here.

Ever heard the term "leap of faith"?

Ya just do it.

Love is a gamble just like getting out of bed in the morning. You can stay in bed and be safe or you can toss back the security blankets and live your life.

give it time, if you really want to trust someone again, you will. good luck.

It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
who cannot seem to give
and the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live

I Love that song

It's called 'The Nose' right????
or is it
'The Ho's

I agree..u either choose to take a chance and put urself back out there..with the FULL knowledge that u could be hurt again..even more then I more time....orrr u choose to never trust again and definately live ur life alone...theres also a third option...choose to date someone for ur pgysical needs, get that taken care of,,with the understanding thats ALL it is...and still end up alone.

Love is SUXHHHHH a beautiful gift,personally for me, well worth the risk of having my heart broken again....

You have to make the decision of whether its worth it to you......

P>S> marriages dont just disolve suddenly...something wasnt right on her end long ago...otherwise, she wouldnt have left...but you need to accept that it was HER issue, her choice, not yours. If you honestly feel like u were good to her...u did whatever u could for the marriage...then ur mind should be free...she wasnt happy tho....and thats not on you..its on her..

I wish you all the luck in the world..dont be afraid to love someone....u might just be shocked at what u find waiting for you...

nose, rose, hose... eh

Being betrayed takes awhile to process but the way to learn to trust someone is to give them small chances to prove themselves. Over time your history with that person will build and so will your trust.

I tend to agree that there must have been some signals that you missed that your wife was not happy. There is a reason she feel like she missed a lot of her life. Maybe it is seeing other friends living it up in the single life or being brainwashed by too much TV but I think at various points she asked for you to have fun with her and was dismissed.

However to marry so young it is likely that she didn't really mature all that much and treated you like a teenager often treats a parent; keeping them in the dark about most of their real feelings.

Hopefully you will meet someone who is older and wiser. And more committed to communicateing with you and keeping her vows to you. To me running off to play single is terribly selfish act.

I was blindsided too, after 17 yrs. But I think you are correct in that there were signs that I did not see, or ignored.

whatever it is...it's underneath the winters snow

After our first was born she never really lost the weight and after the second gained more. She was over weight for almost all of our marrige after having the kids. In the last year she lost over 100 lbs and had tummy tuck, face lift then decided she wanted to be single again. Never really showed any signs before that except for being unhappy about her weight. Tried to get her to go dancing and out all the time but she never would.

I have heard it said they always start looking good before they leave...

Guess so

Sounds like life long poor coping skills maybe depression. Looseing weight after a child is tough but if she refused to be active then it tends to amplify the problem. If it wasn't and issue to you and you asked her to go out and have fun with you I feel like you probably did what you could. No marriage will make it with only one partner willing to participate. You might look for someone willing to work on making your next relationship work.