There are so many things to get us down, but does anyone in here suffer from permanent chemical depression? just looking for company.....

Yes, I do. I have disthymia (sp?) constant state of low grade depression that never goes away. It sucks but if you get on the right cocktail of meds, you can feel better. And if you don't want to tke meds, talk to the Dr......thay may have some suggestions about how to get by without them. I personally can't, due to being bi polar, but I won't go near another antidepressant. They are bad news for bi polars according to new studies. I guess it triggers mania in some people.

Anwyay, sorry to ramble......I wanted to post this since I think it applies to people. We need each other.

Borrowing and analogy from philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer:

"Porcupines huddle together for warmth, but thier sharp quills prick each other, so they pull away. But then they get cold. They have to keep adjusting thier closeness and distance to keep from freezing and from getting pricked by thier fellow porcupines- the source of both comfort and pain.
We need to get close to each other to have a sense of community, to feel we're not alone in the world. but we need to keep our distance from each other to preserve our independence, so others don't impose or engulf us. This duality reflects the human condition. We are individual and social creatures. We need other people to survive, but we want to survive as individuals."
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ok one more..........

"The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being.
His heart withers if it does not answer another heart.
His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts
and finds no other inspiration."
~ Pearl S. Buck

creation, I too am bipolar. and finding the right cocktail has been rough. its just nice to know there are others who can fathom it.... but of course I've been working on it for 17 years and although i still suffer greatly, I have come along way.

it's just a relief to say it out loud to someone who gets it.

Yes--I am bipolar depressed cause by a chemical imbalance. I was diagnosed 30 years ago when I was 15. It is a serious mental disease.

Some people think we can just "shake it off", or get over it. They don't understand we want to be "happy" but the imbalance makes us prone to depressed states of mind. It is out of our control, so we can't just shrug it off.

But people with depression can do other things to make life better. Medications hopefully will be enough to get you to a place of contentment, but alot of times that just isn't enough.

Personally, diet and exercise play a great role along with medication to help me cope with life.

I hope you will feel comfortable coming here if you need to talk. Alot of good people here that understand what you are going through. Take care!

Ken

"creation, I too am bipolar. and finding the right cocktail has been rough. its just nice to know there are others who can fathom it.... but of course I've been working on it for 17 years and although i still suffer greatly, I have come along way.

it's just a relief to say it out loud to someone who gets it."

Can I ask you a question? I have been rejected many times by women because I am bipolar. I tell anyone I am considering dating up front that I nam bipolar. I believe in honesty, and want people to make an informed decision.

Do you ever get rejected for being bipolar? Do you find people treat you different after they find out?

I find that people want to be supportive, but after a while, they get overwhelmed and don't know what to do. I feel like If I could get out there and try at a 'regular' life, then that would help me. but I keep finding that when I try, I get crushed. so I'm not sure what to say.....

Karen---I was a hermit for years. I understand what it is like. I got so tired of it I just had to do something about it. I am so glad I did.....and I know it is very difficult, but you will be glad too!! You should be proud of yourself getting out there and going to school again.

I can lecture you about killing yourself, but you know it isn't the answer. You said you do your daughter's hair...she has to be worth living for!! I do not have children....oh how I wish I did!! It must be a joy, along with alot of tough times, to know you have a daughter who loves you and you love her.

So they accept your bipolar at 1st...but when things get rough they bail? Does that add to your depression or do you shrug it off?

I haven't been able to work for 13 years now. I would love to have a normal life!!!

Hello all

I am 'borderline' bipolar w/ Major Depression and PTSD. I am a single mother of one child, he is 4yrs old. I love my son to the ends of the earth, but I can't tell ya how dificult it is to do this alone! I lost my job, last year in Oct. and have been unable to 'land' another job to this date. I can't tell you how much it lowers my self esteem to send out over 100 resumes and only get 2 interviews from that, not get the job's I interviewed for.


I have NEVER felt so alone in my life!!! I can barely get up ever morning and my son is beggin me to get up, cuz he wants something to eat. I feel like such a failure most of the time. I am in councling, and on meds...but it just doesn't feel like its helping!

It's really good to know that there are other's that I can talk to/relate to.

Hi mommyofi...glad you posted.

Any chance you can get help from your son's father?

I am sorry you are having a rough time. I am sorry you lost your job and cannot find another one.

How can you be a failure? When you feel that way, just look into your child's eyes. Noone is a failure who loves their child like you do!

Maybe an adjustment in meds, or, gulp, try another med. I know that is a pain to go through, but maybe your med isn't working. I have tried dozens of meds and still haven't found the right one.

Glad you are here!!

MOMMY!!!!!! I didn't know you and I had so much in commom!!!

I haven't heard from or seen his father since he was 3 months old, and I filed for Child support 3 yrs ago, but because they couldn't find him to serve him the papers, they dropped the case. How they couldn't find him is beond me..he pays child support for his 2 daughters..he's in the flippin system!!!!

That feeling of being a failure, is from my depression..I feel like I am hinderin my son from a better life. I have been told by a couple people that in no way is that happening, that I am teaching my son how to survive on what you have. A valueable lesson I suppose...I pray he wont EVER have to go thru this again!!!


Thanks for the Welcome mbcasey



ALLI!!!!! what a small world huh?

allinoell, I so understand, and mommyof1
seriously, I know what it is like. I had no one to talk to for a long time too. I have been married three times, and none of them got it. They tried, but it got to the point of them just putting up with me. I can't live like that. Thereis more but I can't write a book right now. Mommyof1, I was 16 when I had my 1st child and right behiond him came my other two daughters. Believe me, there is nothing worse than not wanting to get out of bed, even when your kids need something. It is terribly hard on you. It's not easy! Take it one day at a time, and just find one thing at time to do. Make a list of the things you want to accomplish that day. Even if you don't get all of them done, at least you have a plan of action. Sounds too simple but it works.

mbcasey, my offical dx is dysthymia, ptsd, major reccurrent depression and social anxiety disorder. I have a decent cocktail at this time. I wasn't dx'd until 97. That is a long time to keep going to the Dr and not getting any help or a dx.........I was told all those things....suck it up, or just pull yourself up by your bootstraps...pppftttttttt!!!

Yes, I have been totally honest about my BP. I even have it in my profile. I have been turned away and ditched several times. People are ignorant, and believe all the hype the media has put on us, sterotyping us all into one catagory. They make money hyping up the public about those who go off the deepend, and ignor those of us who are totally harmless!

So yeah, I understand, and it has taken me years to get where I am right now. It has been hard, and now being alone for the first itme in my life, well, it has been an uphill battle. Baby steps people......baby steps.

I am not bipolar but have suffered depression most of my life, I do believe it started while I was a young child due to traumatic events. My family was dysfunctional on top of that (extremely abusive mother, etc.). I got married at 19 to an alcoholic who beat me for the 10 years we were married, so also carried the diagnosis of PTSD. I was also diagnosed with dysthymia, and recently ADD (attention deficit disorder).

I have tried virtually every antidepressant on the market, except for Remeron and maybe 1 or 2 others and I had side effects to most or they didn't help me. Had significant weight gain with Pamelor (the warning label said "increased appetite for sweets"). I asked the psychiatrist, should I take this as I was already overweight and stupid me let him talk me into taking it for 2 years, gained a whole lot of weight on that one. Serzone was the one that worked for me, took it for about 5 years off and on, but it is now off the market, a few people died from it. Great!!

I decided to rely on counseling. I have been lucky with working, taught myself medical transcription and have done it for 27 years, mostly as a 2nd job, worked in the prison system for 17 years, I just kept pushing myself to show people I wasn't as "stupid" as they thought I was (my mom, my ex) and others. I haven't been rejected for my depression that I know of, I put on my "work face" when I go to work and try to not let the real me out there. But I am overweight and do get rejected for my weight. I have lost about 85 pounds but have more to go, seem to have hit the wall on that and have been stuck for many months now. I think I have felt I have had to work harder because of my weight to prove that I can do the job, and it has worked in my favor, and have been lucky along the line with some good people for bosses, etc.

I wish I could give you some advice to help, but I am not bipolar so all I can do is try to support you. Like Ken said, don't give up the fight, keep going, don't be a hermit. Karen, you are amazing with all that you do, going to school and all. Mommy, hang in there, I know you will find another job. Things are tough right now, but there has to be something out there. Alli, good to meet you. I hope things work out for you too. Goofy, I am glad you are back in control, congratulations on your sobriety and good luck with your diet.

Ken & Mommy - have either of you tried any of the work out of your home jobs?? I know you have to be really careful about rip-offs with some of them. I see e-bay and others advertise all the time. Verizon had an ad in the paper for customer service and I wonder if they set you up in your home, or if you have to go to their office. They were even advertising in our small town newspaper, that is why I was wondering if it was a work out of your home thing, as they don't have an office around here that I know of. Just a thought, you obviously have a computer already, and phone lines, so maybe you could put those to your advantage and find some kind of customer service type thing like that. Just a thought.

And Ken, congratulations on your sobriety too, that weight loss is amazing. I have been stuck forever now.

Marie... I have looked into working at home.. most of them require fee's up front and I just dont have the money to do that.




Karen, I have made a list every day.. I have yet to do anything on it.

Mommy - be cautious of any jobs at home that require you to pay a fee. I have heard that most of the ones requiring you to pay are rip-offs. I haven't checked into the e-bay jobs or any of the others. Have you posted your resume on Monster.com?? It is free, you may get a bite or two from there. Wish I had some better ideas. Just keep working at it. Apply for state jobs, they have the best benefits, the main requirement when I applied was a typing speed of 40 words per minute and you can promote all over the place. Once you are in the system they even have programs for you to continue your education for free, etc. Good luck and hang in there. Take care.

Thanks Marie! I do have my resume on Monster just haven't had any nibbles. I will look into the ebay thing.. I have got some emails about it as well and google too

Check the Verizon customer service thing too, they advertized in our local paper, so I wonder if they do have people work out of their homes, would be a plus if they do. Just another idea. Lots of companies going home-based, cheaper than paying rent, and if you are home-based, a lot of the time they don't have to give you benefits either, which sucks too, but would be some money coming in until you could find something better. Good luck with your search. Take care.