bears....that's too funny

Hello everyone, this is my first post and thank god i found a place that has people who has been through what i have and may actually understand what i am going through. I have been soooooo depressed since my ex just up and left me and made me feel it was my fault but to later find out that she left me for another person. So now I am raising my 3 daughters on my own, but don't get me wrong i love my kids and i'm glad i have them at home. It's just hard explaining to them every night why their mom isn't there anymore. To make it all worse i was laid-off from work for reasons unknown and i am still out of work. I am a military veteran and a college graduate and still can't find a decent job. If it wasn't for my kids I'm not sure I would still be around. I have no idea what to do now. I just wish...... I don't know what i wish.

hi jrallen, and welcome....also, i'm very sorry for what your ex did....that uncalled for and uncouth on her behalf.....i know it seems like you're on rock bottom right now...been there myself.....if you can, try to see if you can get some help

Hang in there jrallen. I am very sorry all this happened to you. Thank you for your service to this country.

I could go ahead and tell you some people have it worse than you. But I won't...it is the last thing you want to hear. But I do want to tell you one thing that is probably the most important piece of advice I can give. Those 3 children depend on you...they need you more now than they ever have in their life. It is totally up to you to make them feel safe and secure.

Maybe you have to put your personal feelings aside for a while, and concentrate on how you can make your kids' life easier through these tribulations. You need to focus all of your attention to them. You need to find work...any work so they will be provided for. You need to reassure them that things will work out and be ok, because you will make it that way for them. Noone else will do this for you...you have to do it yourself.

Good luck to you and I will pray for you and your family.

JrAllen - I am sorry you are having such a hard time and for what you ex has done. Have you checked with your doctor? Your doctor may be able to help you with some medication to get through this rough patch, not long term, but just to help through this rough time. Also, have you looked into counseling? You can get a lot of support through counseling and it will help you feel stronger. The counselor can sometimes help you find resources for other agencies that may help you, possibly leads for jobs, or groups for your daughters to go to that they could enjoy. Do you have a YMCA in your area?? They have activities for families too, that might help some too.

The holidays coming up only make things seem a lot worse. Your daughters need you and I am sure you know that. If you get to feeling really desperate and like you want to hurt yourself, you can always go to an emergency room and talk to the doctor there, they can help you line up resources also. As far as jobs, you can post your resume on Monster.com, and of course there is always the unemployment office, etc. Good luck, but please talk to your doctor and check into couseling. You don't have to go this alone, there are people out there who will help support you.

Don't know if you go to church. But if you do, talk to your leader. (Minister etc.)

JrAllen, I think when she did to you and your children is deplorable, and rotten. Your kids come first but you have to take care of you too. How can you take care of them if you don't take care of you.

I think marie is right. Counceling can really help and most of the time they have good suggestions about how to help you to find work and or some kind of help to help with the kids.

I know you are feeling very very low, but try to remember how much you care for your babies and how much they need you. Don't hold it all in though. That can be bad and putting yourself on the back burner can only make things worse.

I hope you can feel a bit better. I know there are good and bad days. Keep holding on and write to any of us if you want a private rant or just vent.

Hugs!

Karen

jr welcome.your wife apparently had her reasons to run off and out of guilt blamed you.Now you have three lovely ladies to take care of so first you need to treat your depression.Then I would join parents without partners.They have family field trips,meetings and such and all are in your same boat.
When I was a young lass,my first husband left me for my best friend..i hit rock bottom ,drinking,drugging etc.Finally I became homeless and lost my daughter.If not for the help of a good samaritan and my folks I could not have clawed my way back up.I got a job,moved in with my folks and got my life back on track.Please do not be afraid to seek help.No one should suffer yhru depression.hugs jax

Jr....definitely take cutelil's advice....GET TREATMENT FOR YOUR DEPRESSION PLEASE....i, too, like her, have lost a beautiful little child (she's still in the family, thank the Good Lord).....to be able to take care of those precious children, you MUST be able to take care of yourself...getting treatment for the depression is the step of a great start to the rest of your life....trust us...IT WILL BE WORTH IT.

Hey everyone, thanks for the advice and support. I realy appreciate it. There are counseling services available in my area, just not sure where they are at the time, but beleive me i will look into them soon. As fot YMCA there are none anymore, unfortunatly. SO far i have been able to keep myself from drinking and away from drugs thankfully, but the urge for drinking has been getting stronger. Like some of you have said, my kids are more important than anything but i still have to look out for myself, atleast for their sake. As for the job situation, i have put in apps and my resume all over town the past few days and hopefully i get a response soon.
Thank you all for your advice and beleive me i will try to get some help soon.

good news jrallen...glad to hear you have resumes out. Keep positive! Get a doctor's appt as soon as possible.

Keep us posted about what is happening. You have alot of good people here who know what you are going through. Keep the faith!!!

((((JAX))))) Wow, I didn't know you went through all that. I know what you mean, and without the help I got, I would have been screwed. Thanks for sharing that. We gotta email.....

(((jr))) I am so relieved that you are going to get help and KUDOS for not drinking! You are heading the right way, and glad that any or all of us have helped.
Yes, keep us posted about the job thing. You;ll be in my prayers

fix me

jk, i know it's not like that. Im just having a hard time lately.

Yummy - welcome to the thread. Wish there was an easy fix, think we are all having some hard times lately. The holidays coming up only make things worse for a lot of us. You are welcome to post in here anytime you want or e-mail one of us if you want to talk privately, some of us don't get to our e-mails until nighttime, but we are happy to talk to you and try to help you with what you are going through.

Have you tried counseling or checked with your doctor? I know I sound like a broken record here, but I do believe in counseling and when you find the right counselor, it can be like day and night the difference you feel. I also believe in group therapy, lots of groups are free and many are listed in local papers, or if you go to church, check with your minister, they offer counseling too. I hate to see anyone suffer, that is why I am trying to throw out some ideas. I hope you can find someone to talk to to help you feel better. Take care and feel free to write whenever, we try to watch this thread and keep it going.

So true, Marie. I think some of us are screwed up differently. Last night an aide who has been working double came in to help me since one of my regular helpers or an aide I was working with quit. Seems her husband is making a lot of money now and she doesn't need to work. Must be freaking nice. Tried to call her and got her answering machine. The other aide who helped out I don't know what happened to her since she didn't call in. The aide that came in said she was tired from working so many hours but she brought fried chicken, salad, corn and some other food that was homecooked. Like I am going to complain. I even complimented her between wolfing down the food.

i'm having a reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally bad day y'all.......almost had a bad rage episode on my dad........living with someone else who's experiencing ptsd as well you are doesn't make things any easier

Amber - can you get out of the house and do some things for you? Get your hair done, go to a movie, just take a breather. I know having my dad at home 24/7 and having to wait on him hand and foot and having him call me home from work whenever he wanted something had me ready to drive off a cliff. Try to do something special for yourself, just take a break, it is so important to recharge your batteries, spend time with a friend. I am sorry you are having a bad day, but hope things get better. I think the holidays only make it worse. I am going go spend Thanksgiving all alone, can't see my grandbabies like I had planned and my depression is really bad these last few weeks, the money sucks, etc., so trying to keep things going. Hang in there, but take care of you.

just wanted to thank all of you for your support. im still alittle depressed but im hoping for the best and have stuff to fall back on.

i am praying for everyone

well karen all that bad stuff happened back in 1984 and i even tried suicide and failed at that too.Talk about feeling like a failure .Luckily my daughter was still in my life regularly and came to stay at 15 years old.She is now 23 and married with children.Life goes by fast I tell ya.
I will advise all to not lose your sense of humor and get a support system in place whether friends ,family,support group,whatever.Also do not be afraid to ask for help.
I am praying for everyone too jef.
jax

well karen all that bad stuff happened back in 1984 and i even tried suicide and failed at that too.Talk about feeling like a failure .Luckily my daughter was still in my life regularly and came to stay at 15 years old.She is now 23 and married with children.Life goes by fast I tell ya.
I will advise all to not lose your sense of humor and get a support system in place whether friends ,family,support group,whatever.Also do not be afraid to ask for help.
I am praying for everyone too jef.
jax