So true, Bearsman. I sure don't want to forget that lest I forget the hell I came from. I am sure you understand. Been there; Done that I am sure. One thing at a time now I am dealing with a step daughter. Seriously thought I was done was with children. No such luck. I will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. The promises are really biting me on the ass right now.

thought i would give ya a update. im still nervous and having minor attacks i think.. ive told a few friends about the job and they believe i might be getting screwed.. which scares me cause, though i direly need the experience.. i cant afford to be someones pawn for to long with how the gas is right now. waiting for my other book to come so i can really get into studying (the book i got right now is kinda basic and isnt much of a help cause its stuff that i know how to do or u can wing easily). plus i work the rest of the week til my bday on sunday

I'm not dead YAY! Some of the tests came back, and showed that my body is healthy. But I had more blood drawn today and I have to wait for that test to come back before I'm able to go back to work again (its been 4 days since I worked).

BTW, i love this thread, because people actually read each other's posts. I can post anywhere else on this site, and it will be covered up in seconds by the "it" crowd. At least I'm not ignored here!

Awwwww (((damnit))) of course. We care, thats why. I'm extremely happy that you are ok, and hope that the other tests comeout ok. Also that they can find out what you do have so they can treat it.........

(((Jeff))), you will do just fine. Are you taking a cut in pay or something? I thought this job was supposed to pay you better.....

yay!! allen isnt dead ..maybe your pregnant!!

jeff take the job.friends can sometimes be well meaning but i think this job will be a good thing.
karen great to see ya..

I'm dying inside, and there's nothing I can do about it.

Who the hell would be stupid enough to want to be with someone like me; never knowing if they will come home to a corpse

Have you seen the movie, "Death becomes her", Karen? Yeah, I know what you mean. Friend of mine after a meeting after I told her I have had two heart attacks said, "And you're still smoking?" She just gave up smoking a while back.

yeah Ive seen it. walking around like a zombie and rotting wouldn't be a nice thing

This might sound cold, Karen but I have slept with two corpses. I was watching television one night and my wife just rolled out of bed. I thought she must have rolled out of bed in her sleep. I tried my best to do cpr on her. A month later I met a lady and we had a nice month together. While I was doing oral stimulation on her she died on me. Talk about freaky. Geez. If you didn't want to be with me all you had to do was say so.

i'm going to bed. maybe i'll get lucky and not wake up

Aw, now. You make sure to wake up later. That way you can share your nightmares. Don't forget to feed your nightmares. They get hungry, too.

Even though my step daughter and me had to deal with her mother's passing separately we are doing some bonding now. She lives far away but on instant messenger it can be real close. Getting some updates on my two granddaughters and two grandsons. It is like I am all she has of her mother if that makes sense. I am the only real grandfather the kids ever had since her dad died of aids. It is almost like crossing over with John Edwards.

Karen, sorry to hear things are crashing again for you. I was hoping they were going better. Get some rest and I hope you are feeling better tomorrow. Do you get any school break for the holidays?? Any extra time for rest and recuperation??? Time for you??? I know you have a big load with school and studying and all, hang in there and take care of yourself. Hope tomorrow brings a better day.


Wow Hill - that is awful. Not once, but twice. Glad you have kept your sense of humor. You are a good guy, and I am glad you are keeping in touch with your stepdaughter and those grandbabies are so special. It makes perfect sense the connection she feels through you. Enjoy those babies and I bet you are a good grandpa too, too bad you live so far away and can't spend time with them. Grandkids are great.

Marie, I found out she has a Samsung cell phone, too that takes pictures. I got the iddy-biddy SGH-a127. I am glad I didn't cut my thumbnails. I guess I could use a pen cause I got big fingers. She was sending me pictures through the phone of the grand babies. Of course, they didn't look like babies. I guess she must have been feeding them good. Last night one of the aides couldn't believe I didn't know how to text on a cell phone so last night I started talking to my hand like all the rest of the nurses and aides on the cell phones after she showed me how to text. Wished it was something easier to figure out like a computer. During my break we had a nice heart to heart chat trying to resolve some grief issues. It had been two years since the passing so it is better. Sometimes you just to be like the unsinkable Molly Brown with it and keep your head above water. There sure ain't any quick fixes to it but things sure a lot better between us.

always good advice hill

hill, I wish I could find my old sense of humor. I still have it once in a while.

marie, hon, I am a rapidcycler. I can be good for a few days and then crash. I just post things once in while to release a bit. If you only knew how much I hold back........

I skipped school yesterday. I just couldn't get my as out of bed. I will go today. IF I feel too bad I can always leave.

Karen - hope you had a better day today. I wish they could adjust your meds to control your cycles better. You are doing so much, and accomplishing so much with your schooling, working toward your dream with your art. Hang in there, better days ahead, and soon I hope.

Hill - I know what you mean about the cell phones, dang small things. She can upload pictures to your computer and you could have bigger pictures. Can she come visit you or can you go visit her for the holidays?? Spend some quality time with the grandbabies??? Being a "gramps" is so cool. The grief issues are hard, but time does heal, but you are a smart man and you know that. I think it is wonderful that you are helping her and staying involved with the family.

I think they have just adjusted them again. Have to wait to see if it helps. I'll be fine. Thanks for caring

(((karen)))) so sorry to hear that you are going thru a bad period.if you need to vent send a mail.dont hold it all inside please.
Roy sense of humor gets you thru so much doesnt it.i lost mine towards the end of my marriage 3 but have regained it and intend to keep it.has saved me more than once..:)
marie nice to see you.hope all is getting better.
((jeff))
i will say I really hate this time of year,though i am not having the panic attacks like last year.I am starting to excercise in hopes it will change my thought patterns and help me deal with the anxiety and boost my immune system.I am struggling with insomnia right now.The dr prescribed trazodone but it was way to strong even though i took a half a pill.
i am going to stick to tylenol pm.